Saying Goodbye to a Good Man, Dadaw

It's always hard to say good bye. It seems even more difficult when you are saying good bye to the last of a generation.
The kid's great grandpa, her Dadaw, past away at 85.
There's only one other great grandparent left.

Dadaw was a good man.
He grew up in a different time.
His childhood home had no electricity, running water, internet, or appliances.
The kid would DIE if our house was missing any of those.
It was amazing to see all of his kids, grand kids, great grand kids and great great grand kids gathered together.
He truly was a blessed man.

He was quiet, dignified, kind, thoughtful, and when he said something he meant it.
It's hard to find people like that anymore.
He never rushed or hurried.
He really took his time to do things.
He was patient with everyone, especially his grand kids.

The last few years he had begun to suffer from Alzheimer's and was having trouble remember all the grand kids especially.
He had fallen and broken his hip and had to go into a home to rehab.
I just don't think he was able to recover from that.
The kid works in a nursing home/rehab facility and she sees elderly people go downhill quickly everyday.
She was so upset, she'd just gone down to visit for the 4th of July and hadn't stopped in to see him.
Everyone told her he wouldn't have recognized her, but she still wishes she had seen him.
They said he was doing fine and would be out in a few weeks instead she came home on Sunday and he died on Tuesday.

I told her she has to let go of that regret.
I know I have that with them Mom.
It bothers me to this day that I came home from the hospital.
You just don't know when people are going to die.
You can't guilt yourself over things like that, it's pointless guilt.
I told her to forgive herself.
Dadaw knew she loved him, just as she knows Dadaw loved her.

His love for his kids and grand kids was never in doubt.
He was so proud of all of them.

Yes, it is always the most difficult to say good bye to a good man.
We miss you Dadaw!

Being Gutted Like a Fish

The surgery got approved at the end of March i get gutted like a fish.
No more periods.
No more pressure on myself.
It will be a relief not to have a uterus or cervix.
I am nervous.
It is a big surgery with a lot of stitches.
I hope it goes well and i heal quickly.
Right now I'm trying hard not to catch anything.

My allergies and sinus' are giving my grief.
It is hard for me to stay well anymore.
I'm depressed again and I don't know why.
I'm getting a tax return that will cover almost all the deductible and out of pocket expenses.
I can set up a payment plan on the rest.

My dad will be here the entire week of my surgery.
We can go to the hockey game since it is two days before.
It is all falling into place.
But I'm anxious.
Being cut on make me that way.
I think that's normal and healthy.
I hope.

My friend had an ovarian cyst removed.
Her surgery went well.
She is in pain but not too badly.
I'm just a horrible patient.
I know that, my kid and dad really know that.
I'm awful to be around when I'm in pain and sick.
Pain in the ass can't even cover it.

I go in 3/27 i will be outpatient - overnight observe.
I go monday to do the consent papers and get the post op scheduled.
The doc will also get all the drugs called in so i can pick them up.
I have the pre op on 3/19 at the hospital.
If i have a fever or chest congestion or something shows up on the chest x-ray they won't do the surgery.
Hopefully, it will all be clear.

My stomach has hurt all day.
I think i'm ovulating, it's like my uterus knows i'm getting rid of it
and it is protesting.
My period was awful as usual.
At least I can give any pads I have left to my friend.
I will get back the $4K in cost in pads within 2 1/2 years.
Yes, that's how many pads i go through!!!!
I know right, ridiculous!

The Cold Snow at our New Home

the snow has come twice now since we've moved into our house.
the winds have been fierce.
we've had the trash can and some chairs blown around.
one night i thought the big bad wolf outside trying to blow the house down.
the entire house shook, literally, it woke up the dog, the kid, and me.
i thought it was a tornado and i know what those are like.
but we survived and the roof survived.

it is scary to own this home.
the garage door is acting up when it is cold it won't close.
i haven't built up my reserves again for issues like this.
so i'm worried something will break and i won't be able to fix it.
scary and so real, no more calling the maintenance man
now i'm maintenance, and i suck with screws and bolts and nuts.
i'm not even allowed to operate power tools.
that stems from childhood, my dad tried to teach me but after several painful and expensive mishaps,
i was regulated to holding things, point the flashlight there, hold this up, move this over...
and i'm not that good at that.
i just don't have good mechanical skills.

i'm more of a thinker then a doer.
i think about doing things all the time.
i have some really great ideas.
but nothing ever gets done unless it urgently needs to.
i do so much at work that when i get home i don't want to do anything.
even if i enjoy it, it is still effort, time, and work.
i'm hoping i'll develop the do it yourself spirit, but i'm not holding my breath.

the last time someone let me use a glue gun i ended up being banned from crafts class and
a lady got 2nd degree burns on her hands...

i'm a one woman walking talking hazard waiting to happen.

Arthritis in the Knee

My kid is 22.
she is what has been called double jointed.
she can hyper extend her joints.
she always injures her left knee.
dance, cheerleading, walking, running
it never took much to get the knee to hurt
finally got an mri
she has a baker's cyst and the beginnings of arthritis in the left knee
at 22 she has what she calls an old persons disease
i had to laugh
she didn't think it was funny

my kid and i have become our very own gray gardens.
i can't picture her living anywhere else.
we've become so accustomed to each other's crazy we can't tolerate anyone else's.
i can hope she can find a man that can marry the both of us,
but she's so stubborn and so much a red head with the temper and all.
the story is there's someone for everyone, but i'm living proof that story is false.
i don't know where i went wrong or even if it is wrong.
my kid and i are each other's best friend and worst enemy.
sometimes we are like an old married couple.

i want her to be happy.
i want her to have a life full of joy.
but at the same time i will miss her and i don't ever want her to go.
she lives my fears as her own.
i have passed down the worst of me.
she somehow turns it into the best of her.
i've been blessed with her and though i regret not having more kids i never regret the one kid God gave me.
i don't know where other teenage mother's end up with their kids,
but my kid and i are in a good place.
we struggled, but who doesn't.
isn't the best life the one where you know the good times because you've lived the bad times?

Angels Talking

last night i had a dream angels were talking about me and him
everywhere i turned there were these beautiful winged angels whispering
and turning their heads away when i tried to meet their gaze.
what do dreams like these mean?

the neighbor that sold me the jeep and i used to sleep with went to the store
where my new lover works to complain about some work they did on his new car
he saw the jeep being worked on up on the rack
and asked why it was there
my lover said because it needs work done
the neighbor asked what work
and my lover told him the ball joints are going bad
and the neighbor lied and told him that he had told me they were going bad when he sold it to me.
wow, that's a huge lie.
he said the jeep was in good shape with no major work needing to be done.
my lover told me he could tell the neighbor was lying to him
the neighbor said it must be going bad because of how i'm driving it
my lover stated that my kid drives it
the neighbor got a look on his face like how do you know so much
then my lover said, don't worry i'm taking good care of her
then it dawned on the neighbor that he was now talking to my new lover

it's a small world after all!

i saw that neighbor today on his new motorcycle taking his kid for a ride
i find it funny that he worries about what's going on with his old car
but doesn't give a shit about the woman he used to fuck
he would tell me i was the hottest and wettest and he thought about me all the time.
my new lover tells me the same thing.
i wonder if he's lying to me like the neighbor did.
once burnt twice shy!

what would the angels say if they could talk to me today?
i could only understand my name and his in my dream.
i couldn't hear what else the angels were saying.
maybe the dream was me reminding myself of my fear of this man
being like the last man.

help, i have done it again.
i have been here many times before.
i pick the men that hurt me again and again.
and i can only blame me!

An Unexpected Pleasure

wow, what a change in my life in less then a week.

i took the jeep into a shop to have the oil changed, tires rotated, and an alignment completed.
the neighbor that sold me the jeep recommended this place.
i booked an appointment on friday of last week and the guy on the phone was really funny.
he asked if my husband would be bringing the car in and i told him i was divorced.
he told me a joke,

you know why divorce is so expensive?

no

because it's worth it!!!

i thought that was so funny.

so i'm thinking the next day is st. patty's day and he sounded cute.
so i put on mascara, my dr. pepper chapstick, my new jeans, a tank top and a pretty new low cut t-shirt,
you know, just in case he's single and cute.

i walk in for my appointment and he immediately says, wow, great to see that smile.
i recognize his voice and i say hi, and he's like i talked to you yesterday on the phone.
and i'm like yes, i loved your joke.

so i decided to stay and hang out.
we are flirting.
i offer him my number.
he says he can't take it, but he can give me his number.
so the car is done and the amount isn't anywhere near what he quoted me.
it was just the oil change, i asked what happened to the alignment.
he said he didn't hear me, and i leaned in and said, you were too busy looking at my boobs.
he laughed and said yes i was.
so he's going to call me when i can bring the jeep back for alignment since the rack is taken.

so i'm taking the kid out to lunch and he text me.
we start texting then sexting alot.
i take the jeep back in and we are flirting like crazy in between his customers.
the kid is packing to head out to grandma's for spring break.
she's like quit flirting and bring the jeep home.
but the jeep wasn't done.
and it has ball joints going bad, so there's a couple of hundred bucks.
that's the only bad news from the luckiest st. patty's day i've ever had :)

i finally get home and the kid head's out.
he comes over after work and we're just supposed to get to know one another.
no sex, just maybe some kissing and talking.
figuring stuff out, like what this is and what we want.
he's divorced. he's got 3 boys under age 13.
he just wants to have some fun.
well we all know how the last two men i tried just to have fun with worked out.
but i told him i'd think about it and we had sex.
doggy style, bent over the couch,
i had an orgasm in 15 minutes, the neighbor didn't accomplish that in 5 months!!!

needless to say, i am once again trying a just for fun sexual relationship.
he came over yesterday too and we had sex and i had a record 8 orgasms in 45 minutes.
he's an alpha male too and i'm totally loving it.
i'm sure this relationship has an expiration date as well.
i ruin everything, but for now, i'm sore and extremely high on all the sex hormones.
so he has definitely brought me unexpected pleasure.
he calls and he texts me and he's not hiding anything that i know about.
and we are using birth control.
i told him upfront that i wasn't on any birth control.
i really meant it when i said i was done with secrets and lies.
wish me luck!!!

Taxes are In FINALLY!!!

wow, the tax money finally came in.
last year it took a week, this year nearly a month, due to some glitch with the irs and the electronic files.
and this year i really needed that money like two weeks ago.
just shows you can't depend on the government.

the kid's jeep battery died.
got to take care of that.
and on sunday she's 21!!!!
i feel so old.

i need ensure, depends, a better memory and a new hip!

wow, i'm so excited, depressed, and ready for a diet dr. pepper.

will write more on monday after the big 21!!!

An Uneventful Christmas

i hope everyone had a merry christmas out there in internet land.
my christmas was uneventful.
scott left a snowflake necklace on my porch christmas eve.
it is very pretty but i can't wear necklaces well, i have a thick neck.
so i hung it from my rearview mirror.
i gave a few of my neighbors some anchor shot glasses.
they all seemed to like them.

we got new movies, a new wii game, i got meemaw's perfume, windsong.
as soon as i sprayed it, it was like she had never left.
that's a perfume i would have never guessed at, thankfully, she told her friend what she wore.
it does smell so good.
i keep spraying it so i can think of her.

i spent christmas day eating snickers and drinking alcohol.
it was merry.
only burger king was open so i got dinner from there.
today is all about cleaning.
and walking my laps.
sophie the puggle loves her christmas toys.
there's a squeaky purple bear that she is dragging everywhere.

my kid is spending the week down at her dad's family.
she always has a good time with them.
i'm glad she's close to his family.
at times i wish i had more kids when i was younger.
she's so spoiled a sibling close to her age wouldn't have hurt her.

jan. and feb. are hard for me.
mom died one month after christmas in 1996.
then her and dad's wedding anniversary is feb 10th
and her birthday is feb. 17th.
my thoughts stray to her alot this time of year.
she so loved everything about christmas.
she grew up so poor they never had anything.
i know i'm blessed and lucky.
i have everything i need and even though there are things i want
they are the things you can't buy, like love, attention, time with the one i care about.

so i think my priorities are clear.
God bless you all.
Happy Holidays!!!

I've Lost my enthusiasm

scott stopped by last night to return the remote control.
he said he got the car to work and didn't need my garage because there had been a nice day while i was gone.
he started the whole dry humping, kissing, grabbing me crap.
i've lost my enthusiasm for the whole situation.
now i just got to figure out how to blow him off.
i was not responsive last night and he seemed disappointed.
but that's his problem and not mine.
he's laid off from work until jan so he's driving semi's locally.
i imagine i'll see him soon.
and then i'll cut ties.
it's all gotten very boring to me.
he's boring to me.

i think i'm depressed.
i go to bed at 6pm.
sophie has been having accidents in the house.
i think it is because the kid doesn't let her out when i go to bed so early.
i feel like a loser, a failure, and a disappointment.
i can't do anything right lately.
i just want to curl up into a ball in my bed and never leave it.

i guess this will pass.
i'm working to get back into my schedule.
i worked out on the wii this morning.
i'm back to 195.
and i expected just to break even this month.
so if i don't gain anything between now and the end of the year i'll be set.

jan. i have tweak my workout and diet.
i need to weed out what has failed me.
i can't do any kind of ice cream, even light or less fat.
i just eat too much of it.
i got 30 more pounds to lose.
i know i can do it.
i just got to get my ass out of this depression.
hopefully, without medication this time.

when do they go back to school?

my kid is a one person destruction crew.
she brought the crutches in from the garage and threw them behind the couch, wtf???
she said it was so if there was a bug on the ceiling she wouldn't have to get up to kill it.
i am cranky, tired, and short fused.
i lost it.
i told her if she keeps moving shit around i will break one of her protruding body parts so she'll NEED the crutches!!!
it's bad enough she keeps knocking the baby Jesus down in the nativity scene by putting her crap on the table,
when does she go back to school, NOT SOON ENOUGH!!!

i can't live with her anymore.
she's rude, disrespectful, lazy, messy and just a bitch every time she comes home.
she thinks she knows everything.
she takes over the t.v. and i want to listen to music.
why can't she disappear into her room like the old days, unseen and unheard.
those days were nice, i liked them, i enjoyed them!!!

i did not sleep well.
i think i punched myself in the eye last night.
i've had spasms in my left eye all day and it's been watering and it hurts a little.
i feel so old.
i've had to wear my glasses all day.
i had bad bad dreams.
i dreamed i told scott i was pregnant and he beat the shit out of me until i miscarried.
extreme concept right, he seems like an alright guy.

but i couldn't keep the thought of him beating the crap out of me out of my head.
so i googled him and he has domestic violence charges from his first marriage.
he had to do probation and domestic violence classes in FL for a year.
so he can be violent.
he was in his 20's and now he's in his 40's so hopefully he's mellowed.
but he did threaten to kill me if i didn't deny our sexual encounters.

i am discombobulateed between the previous sentence and this one scott knocked on the door.
blow job, private part rubbing, making out, dry humping, back to sexual frustration for one!!!
told him about my dream, he thought it was stupid
and then he kissed me, he is a really GREAT kisser!!!

The common cold

i've lost 5.5 pounds in the past six days thanks to the common cold.
i sleep then i sleep some more.
i've been eating chicken noodle soup and that's about it.
so now i'm back down to my pre-birthday pig out weight.
not the best way to accomplish it but very effective.
i still am sick, but feel much better.

i will be able to take my first pregnancy test sunday.
i got my fingers crossed that it's positive.
i've been very careful with the cold medicine i've been taking.
i don't want to hurt a baby if i'm with child.
even though robitussin and tylenol haven't helped at all.

today i got to run to the store.
there's no food in the house.
i got to get a few things.
my kid is back from school for 3 weeks on saturday.
we are going to drive each other crazy.
i know it's a short trip to drive me off the rails of the crazy train, but she knows my buttons and she pushes them with glee!

scott has been flirty.
somehow i think we are going to start having sex again.
i guess he really can't keep it in his pants.
thank God for that horny bastard!!!
he's coming over today and possibly tomorrow.
so if i'm not pregnant, he's still a viable baby sperm donation specialist.

i tired to eat oatmeal for breakfast.
it is just nasty.
i don't like oatmeal.
not even in cookies.
it's like jello or yogurt.
i don't care how healthy it is for me, i don't like it, yuck!!!
so the dog ate most of it and she enjoyed that!

Happy Turkey Day 2011

i passed this thanksgiving alone. and it's been the best one ever.
my healthy eating stays intact and i don't have to clean up or puke from eating too much.
the kid is over at the paternal grandparents.
i got my miles walked.

i got a little conversation in with scott.
he did pop my ass cherry.
and he agrees it was bad sex.
so he doesn't know what to do and neither do i.
i'm thinking fuck buddies.
when he wants to get laid he just comes on down.
i don't want to marry him.
but he hasn't told his live in bunny that he's bored with her yet.
so he wants to cool it down.

i get to see him tomorrow too.
i guess we'll talk more then.
i care about him.
i thought i was the one making him feel like a bad person,
but apparently, his demon is being a man whore.
he doesn't believe in happily ever after or love
he doesn't want to be married
and he gets bored

wow, sounded like he was describing myself for a minute.
we both have a very long string of broken relationships behind us.
wow, we are both broken!

i don't want to fix him.
i don't want to save him.
i just want to have sex with him alot.

for once i am wishing it was monday already

scott said monday he's coming down and staying awhile. he has frustrations to work out.
him and me both!!! i saw him alot today and it killed me not to be able to touch him.
i just wanted to stroke his goatee and kiss is bald head, but i couldn't.
his son gave me a hug and was playing with sophie the puggle.
sophie loves the kids and they were out in full force today.

i had a very boring tedious frustrating week.
the kid keeps whining about the car, she can't get the stick thing down.
she keeps stalling out, it took her a 1/2 hour to get the car into reverse.
scott is willing to switch out the manual for the jeep he has which is an automatic,
but it's more money and he wants me to pay for all the title switching.
i told the kid to drive it home wednesday and we'd talk it over.
she says she's concerned for her saftey.

thursday after work i had a drink or 10 down at the other neighbor who was always wanting to touch my boobs.
i made a pass at him, i was really agressive, the more he turned me down the more i drank.
he wouldn't even kiss me, seriously, all i got was a bible brochure for the jehovah witness'
he's trying to get right with God. that's cool.

it's not the most creative excuse i've gotten from a man turning me down for sex,
my fave was i think i'm gay, then the very next year he married another woman.
why can't guys just say i don't want to have sex with you because your fat and ugly.

i felt so rejected, i called his bluff and he didn't even nibble.
and i showed him my boobies again.
i said look at them, why did you think they looked like gum drops?
he said, well now that i see them really well they're better then gum drops.
i laughed and laughed.

i came home and puked.
i passed out for 4 hours then woke up after midnight.
i couldn't get back to sleep so i signed into work around 3AM.
by the time i went to the ob/gyn at 9 i had work almost a whole day.
so friday i took it easy and rested then worked 2 - 4.

if scott doesn't show up monday i'm going to be so pissed off.
i have to pee on a little stick every morning to see if i'm ovulating.
then i have to have sex within 24-36 hours after the stick is positive.
if i don't ovulate in a month or by my next period i have to go back to the doctor
and she's going to put me on a pill that will cause me to ovulate.
it's a fertility drug, i told her i don't want to be an octomom, just one or two is cool.
she said the chance for twins does increase, but triplets are rare.
so i hope i am still ovulating.

i bought the cutest little pair of baby booties.
they are green and yellow striped with little yellow duckies on them.
i kiss them then rub them on my belly.
i have no idea why i do that, i'm hoping it'll bring me luck.
i like the name jack samuel for a boy.
i like the name savannah colleen for a girl.
it's all on scott, he's the one that's going to knock me up, i just know it.

A Car, A Boy, and Sex

wow, thursday afternoon began a crazy weekend. scott showed up to get his money for the car.
he threw me face down on the bed, pulled my pants down, got busy, pulled my hair and choked me.
i ain't ever been taken like that and i LIKED it!!! damn!

after work i went and got the kid and her boyfriend. he's okay. of course, i'm not going to be crazy about the boy that took my daughter's virginity, but he's better then that douche she dated in high school. she's very bossy with him, but he stands up to her, which is exactly what she needs. but feeding them is expensive, not to mention she went to the doctor friday and she has bronchitis and a sinus infection, so i had to get her meds too. and he's got a cough, so i bought him cough drops and cough meds. he's going to the doctor next weekend. sophie the puggle really likes him, cuz he pets her all the time.

friday, scott came over and we went over to his best friends' house to get the title on the car. his friend and his wife seemed really nice. i didn't talk much, i just observed. he and scott have been best friends for over 15 years.
scott says he moved to ohio because his best friend did. and scott introduced his best friend to his wife when he worked with his wife. they're really close.

i wondered if they liked scott's current live in girlfriend. and if they like me or not. scott and i just talked while we were in the car. it was nice. we usually are busy fooling around and don't really talk.

i told him my kid is bossy with her boyfriend and he said she's dominant then, and i said, yes she takes after me.
he couldn't stop laughing, he said you aren't dominant, and i said i usually am the dominant one, but i'm not with you.
he is the exception to my one rule, to not be submissive to a man or let him have power over me.

he has shattered my one rule to a million pieces.

he didn't believe that i'm normally the dominant one in a relationship. if he talked to anyone i've dated in the past, except bret, he'd see different. i had such high hopes for bret being my one exception, but he was NOT dominant in the bedroom. it was a let down.

so saturday i went and got the temp tags for the car, my driver's license renewed, and my registration done. a very expensive trip, and next month to get the plates and registration on the new car is $110. my kid is always costing me money, but i love her.

we had to jump start the car because it had been sitting for a week. i put $20 of gas in it then they followed me to the dog park, because it has a huge parking lot for the kid to learn to drive the manual car in it. they let sophie play at the dog park then they practised driving. she keeps stalling it and had trouble with 3rd and 4th gear.

so i asked scott to come down and take her out for a driving lesson without the boyfriend. they were gone about an hour. he said she can do it, she just has to focus, he had her on a hill and she did fine. so he said let her drive to wal-mart with me in the car and don't say anything.

his exact words to me "get in, hold on, shut up"

i did that and the boyfriend kept talking. we almost rolled back into a car. so they did a chinese fire drill at a light. but it's progress!!!!

today they go have lunch with the boyfriend's mom, she hasn't met him yet. then they go back to campus. i told her she has to keep gas in the car. i will have my peace and quiet back by 3pm, yipee!!!!

just in time for me to sign into work!

Migraine Free Friday

woke up migraine free and slept thru the night as well. this has been a good friday for me.
picked the kid and one of her friends up from college so she could go to the doctor.
it's a lot of driving, so i saw scott was home and stopped up to see if the kid could take a look at his car that he's selling.
i don't want to shell out the money and she not want it.
he was all scruffy, i was like focus focus, not on the sex, but on the car, so hard.
he was tired cuz he had to drive a truck last night and he's been up over 24 hours straight.
i told him i had done nearly 48 hours with no sleep this past week so i feel for him.
he showed the kid the car and she likes it.
she has to practice driving a stick down at college on this boy's truck.
i told him i could buy it by the end of the year.
i have to save up the money.
it's not a lot, but it's a lot to come up with at one time.

i'm going to haul the kids back to college then i'm coming home and relaxing!!!
happy friday every one!

Enjoying the Peace and Quiet

yesterday was busy all morning. got the kid moved in to her dorm. she found out there's no cable. her roommate didn't move in until today.
my neice looks better. she's stilil really really weak. it could take her months to get her strenght back. but she's feeling better. we talked alot about what has been happening with her. she's got a bright future, it's sad she let her ex cloud her thinking to the point where she could not see it.
but i have high hopes she's ready to move on and forward to bigger and better people, things, and blessings.

celebrated the empty house by dancing around in the nude. after a half hour i got cold and put a some clothes on. but i enjoyed and reveled in the moment. went to the grocery and got lots of healthy food. grapes, strawberries, carrots, celery, whole wheat bread, lean turkey, and still walked 2 miles. it was a productive day.
today not so much. i only had until 2pm to do whatever i wanted to do then i had to work.

took the dog to the dog park. walked me 3 miles. came home, cleaned a little then it was time to sign on :( and even as i write this, i'm still logged onto work, i'm waiting for the patches to be installed to fix a problem we've had with weights and volumes on shipments showing correctly in the system. then after that, hopefully, i will be able to start all the jobs back up and get off the work computer.

i'm excited. the weight loss is going well. the kid is off doing her own thing. even though i'm alone, i'm not sad about it. life is good right now.

why does she do that?

my kid and i are walking the dog and she starts rattling off all this information about snakes.
burmese pythons have sharp teeth.
water mocassin babies have yellow tipped tails.
etc. etc. etc.

turns out she couldn't sleep last night so she watched animal planet.

she knows i hate snakes.
why does she do that?
she has filled my head up now with all kinds of snake images
and it's making me sick to my stomach.
i asked her repeatedly to stop.
i'm going to have to move to ireland, where it is snake free!

i hate being so open to suggestion.
i think she is an evil genious out to drive me even crazier so she can collect my life insurance.

now i'm going to have snake dreams tonight.
no matter how hard i try to switch those dreams off, the snakes keep popping up.
great, now i'm not going to sleep tonight.
lovely!!!
evil, my kid is evil!!!!

low vitamin D

went to have blood drawn to see if my vitamin D is up from a really low 12.2 back in March to a healthier number between 31-74.
The Doc is on vacation another week, so I won't know the results for awhile and i'm out of the supplement. So going to go outside more, which I have been doing since not watching TV. Day 9 of my no TV challenge is in full swing with great success!!!

my kid still watches tv and i ignore it when she watches, but i can't help but notice she watches the same episodes of the same shows over and over again. i mean how many times can you watch project runway!!!! it's stupid how many times she's seen these episodes.

she's working now so hopefully she will be too busy to keep watching them over and over again.

i think i'm going to take longer walks with the dog too. and i need to get ready for my next challenge, no more soda pop!!!! once the dt. soda is gone i'm not buying anymore. this is the year about me and getting myself healthy and free from the bad habits that drag me down. Yippee!!!!

a lull in the rain, finally!

it seems to have been raining now for a solid week. it was freezing cold too. but the rain has finally stopped, for now, and the temp seems to be hovering in the low 60's. so i got windows open, the heat off, and couch pushed over to the window, so the dog can sit on top of the couch and see all the little birdies fly around.

doc put me on a new med to try for my fms. savella, my insurance covers most of it, which is good, i couldn't find it on their drug list so i was worried, i know they don't cover lyrica at all. the pharmacy had to order it so it won't be in until tuesday, which is perfect, because the doc gave me a two week starter pack that increases your dose from 12.5 mg twice a day, to 25 mg twice a day, to finally 50 mg twice a day. So i got time! The doc did say it could take up to 2 months before the med gets in my system enough to make a difference. i hope it makes a difference.

my sleep pattern is totally jacked up. i'm falling asleep okay, but i wake up anywhere from 2am to 6am, and usually multiple times, and i got to put icy hot on my neck, shoulder, back, leg or hip, what ever is hurting worse. i haven't had a flair up this bad for almost 2 years and it's not letting me go either.

easter is tomorrow. this is where having a grown child makes all the difference. we are having fried ham and cheese sandwiches, mac n cheese, carrot sticks, and cupcakes for dessert. we are watching all harry potters back to back tomorrow up to her new 7th one part 1, and she got a solid cadbury milk chocolate money, an easter sock monkey, and a i-tunes card. there were reese's easter peanut butter eggs, but i ate those :( they are my crack, i don't like reese's pb cups, but u put that pb in eggs, x-mas trees, hearts, and/or pumpkins i cannot resist.

hope everyone has a happy easter!!!

Organizing Chaos

the weather won't cooperate and warm up so i can get into the garage and go through the final pile of crap that just got dumped there instead of where it's supposed to go, the spare crap room! i swear, it makes perfect sense in my head.

we did get the summer clothes out for my kid. and i did organize the spare room closet and my muscle, aka, the kid, hauled up her desk and put it in the spare room. the dog was busy turning the spare bed into her nest, and it was nicely made!

why does trying to clean and organzie always make a bigger mess, it's like grape nuts, you start with a small amount, but it seems to never end!!!

i have a huge trash pile now in the garage and the pile is smaller. my kid has several "heavy" boxes of pictures, frames, scrapbook stuff to take to the spare room. Heavy to me is not heavy to her. I can't lift more then 5 pounds thanks to injuries to my back and fms. i've already got my knee aching from lifting what i have and hauling it up the stairs.

i can still remember the days when i had muscles. i can almost vaccum the floor in the living room/dining room!!!! progress!!!!