Cigarettes, Anger, and Regrets

i have been foolish again.
i made poor decisions again.
i drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, and got totally trashed man for New Year's Eve.
I woke with the hang over plus i felt like i had eaten a cigarette.
i only smoke when i drink and i drank and smoked way too much.

i sent an angry message to scott, belittling the size of his penis.
i do prefer the smaller tool he has.
my uterus is slightly prolapsed and too big of a penis hits my cervix and hurts.
but i'm angry that i was lonely.
it's my fault really.
i let him come and go as he pleases.

i put a cigarette out on the trunk of his neon.
he fb'ed me back asking why i had anger directed towards him.
i guess i've let myself simmer for too long.
but when he touches me i can't think.
let alone tell him how he makes me feel.

everything is just fine and dandy,
but when he leaves me,
i'm unsatisfied, wet, horny, frustrated and just twisted up.
he makes me feel so excited then it's like he drops me and i shatter.
i want to be more to him then an easy lay.
the more i get to know him the more i want to know him.
it is a dire situation.

i think this one is over my head.
i deserve better.
even a fuck buddy treats u better then this.
5 months and not one orgasim for me.
he's right, it's not fair.
and i'm bored with the games he plays.

at least my headache is gone now.
my tummy feels somewhat better.
i want to have movie nights, snuggle time, silly moments.
affection nicknames, smacks on the ass, and regular sex.
i want a macaroni for all my cheese.

The common cold

i've lost 5.5 pounds in the past six days thanks to the common cold.
i sleep then i sleep some more.
i've been eating chicken noodle soup and that's about it.
so now i'm back down to my pre-birthday pig out weight.
not the best way to accomplish it but very effective.
i still am sick, but feel much better.

i will be able to take my first pregnancy test sunday.
i got my fingers crossed that it's positive.
i've been very careful with the cold medicine i've been taking.
i don't want to hurt a baby if i'm with child.
even though robitussin and tylenol haven't helped at all.

today i got to run to the store.
there's no food in the house.
i got to get a few things.
my kid is back from school for 3 weeks on saturday.
we are going to drive each other crazy.
i know it's a short trip to drive me off the rails of the crazy train, but she knows my buttons and she pushes them with glee!

scott has been flirty.
somehow i think we are going to start having sex again.
i guess he really can't keep it in his pants.
thank God for that horny bastard!!!
he's coming over today and possibly tomorrow.
so if i'm not pregnant, he's still a viable baby sperm donation specialist.

i tired to eat oatmeal for breakfast.
it is just nasty.
i don't like oatmeal.
not even in cookies.
it's like jello or yogurt.
i don't care how healthy it is for me, i don't like it, yuck!!!
so the dog ate most of it and she enjoyed that!

shake, rattle and roll, it's an earthquake baby!

5.9 quake in VA.

we live near columbus ohio and i didn't feel anything, but my kid did. it's weird because we are in the same house, the dog barked and growled, i wondered why the trees were shaking. my co-worker in NJ had her Mom and husband call her in a panic. they both felt the earthquake, my co-worker didn't feel it either. maybe because we are so focused on our work ;)

my kid is now convinced 2012 is the end of days.
she can be so silly.
i told her if there is a natural disaster of worldly proportions, i just want to die in the first wave. i could not bare to live without functioning bathrooms and no food and/or water.

my middle name is irene, i'm so excited i finally got a hurricane and she looks like she's going to do some damage too. weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
i know i'm weird to be cheering for a hurricane, it's not that i want anyone to get hurt, i just like the idea of destruction, not the actual application of it.

i've often been compared to hurricanes and tornadoes. i was once referred to as chaos in solid form. it's the mood swings, i'm up then down, then i turn around a shake it like i'm jacked up on crack.

man -- i am in a mood today. co-worker told me to go home if i was sick, i just said my muscles hurt from all the walking. and he told me to drink a red bull, and i said, why, i'm being quiet cuz i hurt, and then he changed his mind and said he preferred the quiet.

the neighbor has me all confused. i told him i just want to be neighbors again. he and his "good friend" look happy and in love, she is such a blind idiot. i feel sorry for her. i think i can behave myself as long as he doesn't touch me. i feel like i'm in the middle of a hurricane and a earthquake combined when he touches me. the hickey he gave me is almost gone now. i'm such a horny slut, i hate myself.

i hate being horny and alone

so i got to bed at 10 my usual time, i fall asleep quickly.
i'm having very specific sex dreams. i wake up so horny i am masterbating in my sleep at 11:45PM. and now i am wide awake with no one to fuck.
i hate these power hormone surges!!!

i think i will just walk it off tomorrow. i got 3 miles in today, i will do 5 miles tomorrow. the more i think about sex the more i will walk.
i will be the skinniest, horniest, oldest bitch alive.

sheesh!!!