when do they go back to school?

my kid is a one person destruction crew.
she brought the crutches in from the garage and threw them behind the couch, wtf???
she said it was so if there was a bug on the ceiling she wouldn't have to get up to kill it.
i am cranky, tired, and short fused.
i lost it.
i told her if she keeps moving shit around i will break one of her protruding body parts so she'll NEED the crutches!!!
it's bad enough she keeps knocking the baby Jesus down in the nativity scene by putting her crap on the table,
when does she go back to school, NOT SOON ENOUGH!!!

i can't live with her anymore.
she's rude, disrespectful, lazy, messy and just a bitch every time she comes home.
she thinks she knows everything.
she takes over the t.v. and i want to listen to music.
why can't she disappear into her room like the old days, unseen and unheard.
those days were nice, i liked them, i enjoyed them!!!

i did not sleep well.
i think i punched myself in the eye last night.
i've had spasms in my left eye all day and it's been watering and it hurts a little.
i feel so old.
i've had to wear my glasses all day.
i had bad bad dreams.
i dreamed i told scott i was pregnant and he beat the shit out of me until i miscarried.
extreme concept right, he seems like an alright guy.

but i couldn't keep the thought of him beating the crap out of me out of my head.
so i googled him and he has domestic violence charges from his first marriage.
he had to do probation and domestic violence classes in FL for a year.
so he can be violent.
he was in his 20's and now he's in his 40's so hopefully he's mellowed.
but he did threaten to kill me if i didn't deny our sexual encounters.

i am discombobulateed between the previous sentence and this one scott knocked on the door.
blow job, private part rubbing, making out, dry humping, back to sexual frustration for one!!!
told him about my dream, he thought it was stupid
and then he kissed me, he is a really GREAT kisser!!!

The common cold

i've lost 5.5 pounds in the past six days thanks to the common cold.
i sleep then i sleep some more.
i've been eating chicken noodle soup and that's about it.
so now i'm back down to my pre-birthday pig out weight.
not the best way to accomplish it but very effective.
i still am sick, but feel much better.

i will be able to take my first pregnancy test sunday.
i got my fingers crossed that it's positive.
i've been very careful with the cold medicine i've been taking.
i don't want to hurt a baby if i'm with child.
even though robitussin and tylenol haven't helped at all.

today i got to run to the store.
there's no food in the house.
i got to get a few things.
my kid is back from school for 3 weeks on saturday.
we are going to drive each other crazy.
i know it's a short trip to drive me off the rails of the crazy train, but she knows my buttons and she pushes them with glee!

scott has been flirty.
somehow i think we are going to start having sex again.
i guess he really can't keep it in his pants.
thank God for that horny bastard!!!
he's coming over today and possibly tomorrow.
so if i'm not pregnant, he's still a viable baby sperm donation specialist.

i tired to eat oatmeal for breakfast.
it is just nasty.
i don't like oatmeal.
not even in cookies.
it's like jello or yogurt.
i don't care how healthy it is for me, i don't like it, yuck!!!
so the dog ate most of it and she enjoyed that!

Holding my breath

i feel suspended in mid-air like my life is getting ready to take a giant leap forward.
my kid is off to school on Saturday. i am dating again.

i feel like i've been holding my breath waiting for the perfect moment to exhale,
but there's never been a perfect moment for me.

work is crazy right now, but i don't feel drained.
there's a fire in me now.
i feel invigorated.
i didn't know exercise could have such an impact on my emotions.
the walking is progressing and i'm challenging myself more.
i'm adding wii thursday - monday 30 minutes a day to tone and strengthen me.

when i go to bed at night i'm exhausted, but from having my muscles worked.
i'm not depresssed anymore.
i feel accomplished and content.

i don't know what tomorrow will bring but i'm excited instead of scared.
i am really loving my life right now.