The Good Samaritan

This is my talk I gave in Church on the Parable the Good Samaritan.
The Good Samaritan – Luke 10:29-37

Most of us are quite familiar with the term the Good Samaritan. We use it frequently. There are hospitals named Good Samaritan. There have been books and movies named the Good Samaritan. There are now even Good Samaritan laws which offer legal protection to people who give reasonable assistance to those who are injured, ill, in peril, or otherwise incapacitated.[1] The protection is intended to reduce bystanders' hesitation to assist, for fear of being sued or prosecuted for unintentional injury or wrongful death.

And it all originated from a parable from the bible in the New Testament Luke 10:25—37 that Jesus used to answer a question from a lawyer. And that is what I’ve been asked to give my talk to you about today is the parable of the Good Samaritan. I’m going to review the parable and then go over two main ideas of it, the first idea of mercy and service and the second idea of it representing the plan of salvation.
A lawyer asked Jesus a question, what shall I do to inherit eternal life. Jesus responded to him what where the most important commandments, his response, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself. Jesus said that was correct. But then the lawyer asked Jesus, who is my neighbor?

And that is when Jesus used the parable of the Good Samaritan to describe who our neighbors are.
I’m going to paraphrase Luke 10:29-37

A man traveling on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho was attacked by thieves; they stripped him of his clothes, beat him, wounded him, and then left him for dead.
By chance a priest came by but he didn’t stop, instead he went to the other side of the road and past the injured man by.

Likewise, a Levite, when he came upon the injured man and looked at him, went to the other side of the road and passed him by and did not help him;

But a Samaritan on his journey, saw the severely injured man and felt compassion for him and went to him. He nursed his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them and put him on his own animal and took him to an inn and took care of him. And the next day when the Samaritan went to leave he gave money to the host and told him to take care of the hurt man and if he spent more than what he had given him he’d repay him when he returned.

Jesus, than asked the Lawyer which of these 3 men was a neighbor to the man that was attacked and hurt by the thieves, the lawyer answered the one that showed him mercy, and Jesus simply said, Go and do likewise!

I did not now this but back in Jesus’s time the road from Jerusalem to Jericho was called the “The Bloody Pass” and was extremely dangerous. Jerusalem is 2100 feet above sea level and Jericho is 825 feet below sea level, the road that connects them is winding and ample with opportunities to ambush people. Also, the people of Samaria, aka, Samaritans, did not get along with the Jews during Jesus’ time. Samaritans were seen as less than human and were often mistreated. The fact that Jesus used a Samaritan as the good person in the parable was quite radical.

The word “neighbor” in the Greek means “someone who is near,” and in the Hebrew it means “someone that you have an association with.” This interprets the word in a limited sense, referring to a fellow Jew and would have excluded Samaritans, Romans, and other foreigners. Jesus then gives the parable of the Good Samaritan to correct the false understanding that the lawyer had of who his neighbor is, and what his duty is to his neighbor.

Martin Luther King Jr’s thoughts on the parable were this -
“… "I imagine that the first question the priest and Levite asked was: 'If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?' But by the very nature of his concern, the Good Samaritan reversed the question: 'If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?”
The parable shows on its first look a story of compassion, mercy, and service. A man stopping to help another man who has been injured and needed his help and he simply did what was right.

Maybe the priest and the Levite felt helpless, fearful the man was faking, or the robbers were nearby waiting to ambush them as well.
Maybe the robbers needed to feed their families by taking from the man they attacked and they were desperate with no other options then to hurt this man.
Maybe the man that had been attacked, only had his clothes and took this dangerous journey alone because he felt despair and had no more hope left.
Maybe the Samaritan was trying to change the opinion others had of his people in his time, of them being resented by others by the going against stereotypes.

If we shift our perspective to each character in the parable you see the story take on different angles. There have been times in my life where I’ve been afraid and helpless. Times where I have felt desperate and I have through careless words or actions hurt friends or family, and I have also felt despair and lost hope. And then there have been other times where I’ve been kind and reached out and shown mercy and compassion to my fellow man.

I decided to think upon this parable and think back on my life and try to remember any examples within my family of being the Good Samaritan and the more I focused and thought back I was taken by how my parents lived this parable and I didn’t even realize because it was just the normal way of life in the household.

We always had people that were in between places to live staying with us while I was growing up. One time the two neighbor boys’ mother went to get milk and she didn’t come back for 3 days. She had dropped them off just to play for a little bit while she went to the store get milk and we didn’t see her again for 3 days. Dad and Mom took care of them. Didn’t call the police and had a talk with her when she got back and after that they moved to Illinois to stay with their dad for a couple of years while their Mom got help. I was 9 I had no idea why it was taking her so long to buy milk.

My Mom and Dad were always helping people from big things, to small things, to family, friends, to strangers. We lived in the country with a lot of curvy roads and people would lose control of their cars and my dad would get the truck and go pull them out of ditches and bring them in the house and pour rubbing alcohol on their cuts. Sometimes they didn’t want an ambulance, cops, or tow trucks called for various reasons. So we’d patch them and their cars up if we could, Mom would get food and coffee in them and tell them to slow down and pay attention next time.

One of our closest childhood friends even moved in with my Dad while he was going through his divorce. I asked him why he hadn’t moved in with his own Mom or Dad as they had nicer houses. The house I grew up in has always been old. Mom always had Dad tearing down walls. I think the Kitchen has been 5 different configurations. The Living Room has been a bed room then a living room at least 3 different times and so on. He said yeah they have nice houses but you’ve always had a nice HOME!

My parents lived the Good Samaritan parable by loving everyone as they loved themselves as they loved me and my brothers. Every person they met they treated as their neighbor. My mother had a smile, a wave, and a laugh for everyone she met. She never knew a stranger; which sometimes drove my Dad nuts as she truly could talk to anyone and keep on talking. My Dad, though not as talkative, would never hesitate to offer his help to anyone who needed it, stranger, family or friend.

I’m thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me my parents.

Gordon B. Hinckley wrote in Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes, “It is not enough just to be good. We must be good for something. We must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for our presence. And the good that is in us must be spread to others. This is the measure of our civility.”

My Dad told me he wasn’t sure if he and Mom had been good parents until he saw my brothers and I as parents; it was when he saw that we were kind, loving, patient, and helpful to our own children that he knew he and Mom had been good parents. I told him, you and Mom weren’t good parents, you were great parents, to us, to our cousins, to our friends, to the neighborhood kids, to the kid at the grocery store whose dad hit her across the face with his car keys and you picked him up and slammed him against the wall and told him if he ever did that again you’d break him in half. You are the example every father should strive to live up to. I’ve seldom seen my father cry and it’s usually been when someone we’ve loved has passed away. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and hugged me and said simply, today, I needed to hear that, Thank you, Sis! It is one of the few times I’ve ever felt I’ve actually helped my Dad with anything instead of him helping me.

C.J. Jung said - “You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.”

The 2nd interpretation of the Good Samaritan parable is one that was common in early Christian faith of it being a metaphor for the fall of man. I found several articles a few by Brother John Welch on this idea of the parable. One article called the Good Samaritan & Eternal Life, explains the characters of the parable like this, “The man who was going down is Adam. Jerusalem is paradise, and Jericho is the world. The robbers are hostile powers. The priest is the Law, the Levite is the prophets, and the Samaritan is Christ. The wounds are disobedience; the beast is the Lord's body, the Inn, which accepts all who wish to enter, is the Church. And further, the two denarii mean the Father and the Son. The manager of the stable is the head of the Church, to whom its care has been entrusted. And the fact that the Samaritan promises he will return represents the Savior's second coming.”

This studying of the parable shows it as an allegory of the plan of salvation. I didn’t even think of this 2nd layer to the parable until doing some praying for guidance in my talk and then changing what I was typing into my google search engine to include eternal life along with the parable's name turned up the articles.

The man never makes it to Jericho. He had to have the Samaritan’s help because he couldn’t make it in the world without him. Just as we cannot be saved without the savior and his atonement to bring us home to Heavenly Father. I believe Jesus is the Samaritan. But I think more likely we are the ones on the side of the road. And Jesus is the one who picks us up and gets us on our feet again and binds up our wounds and bears our burdens when we cannot carry them anymore. Jesus is the one who takes us to a place of safety and makes a home for us and He promises to return when the time has finally come.

Another article in the February 2007 Ensign called The Good Samaritan: Forgotten Symbols again by Brother Welch in which he states, “In His parables, Jesus taught the essentials of the Father’s plan of salvation. As a type and shadow of this plan, the good Samaritan places our deeds of neighborly kindness here in mortality within the eternal context of where we have come down from, how we have fallen into our present plight, and how the binding ordinances and healing love of the promised Redeemer and the nurture of His Church can rescue us from our present situation, as we serve and live worthy of reward at His Second Coming.”
To love one's neighbor as oneself is defined in scripture as having eternal life, or the very life of God Himself coursing through one's actions, thoughts and words. 1 John 3:14 states - "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death."

I’d like to close with my testimony, I know this church is true, studying for this talk, searching the scriptures, the doctrine, the ensign, I was enriched by the word of God and it brought me comfort and peace. The memories from my childhood, especially of my Mother, whom I miss so much, that I hadn’t thought of in a long time and had honestly forgotten were a true blessing. I am grateful I was given this talk by the bishopric. I say these things in the name of our savior and God’s son, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Here a Dog, There a Dog, Everywhere a Dog

a new neighborhood brings new people, new sights, new sounds, new smells and lots of new dogs.

sophie the puggle has made friends with lucy, a black and white border collie.
lucy makes a bee line right for us if she is being let outside.
they love to play together.
lucy even comes inside and helps herself to everything.
sophie just jumps all over her.

then there's lily, a golden retriever, she's a people dog, not a dog's dog.
she keeps trying to get to me to be petted, but sophie keeps wanting to play.
lily doesn't want puppy play time she's a person pet me kinda pup.
sweet as can be.

then there's bricks, a french mastiff puppy, he's HUGE and a puppy
sophie walked under him with no problems.
he's so well trained, but he couldn't resist playing with sophie
he was so excited; of course his owner was upset.
he has worked hard to train bricks to obey
and you know sophie, she just egged him on to play.

then there's maximus, a shih tzu puppy, the very opposite in size to bricks
looks like a little rabbit or furry ball walking around
at first he'd shake when sophie sniffed him but now he's a little bit bigger
and i really do me a little little bit bigger
he loves playing with sophie, for once sophie is the big dog here and i think she likes it

then there's gizmo, the chihuahua, he's big and tough, at least in his mind
he gives sophie the whole me man dog you woman dog show
he puffs out his chest, kicks up some dirt and sniffs her butt
sophie takes it all in stride

then there's bruiser, a boxer, he's so sweet
he and sophie played and then lied down and he began to lick her ears
which was addorable, bruiser gets so excited to see her
and she runs right to him

there are many more dogs in the neighborhood but these are the ones she's played with the most.
she never seems to lack for company.
sophie the puggle love her new home and all her new 4 legged neighbors.

A Creepy Encounter

I'm lying in bed trying to take a nap so I can be awake
when my new man calls around 11pm after he puts his kids asleep,
when the doorbell rings, it's 10:50 according to the clock and i was 1/2 asleep.
so i get up to see who it is.

i turn on the porch light and look through the peep hole and it's the neighbor that has the adorable pug named Rocky,
and the neighbor kid Landon, so I'm thinking something is wrong.
I open the door and he asks me if I've seen Rocky they can't find him.
I said No but I'll help you guys looks, maybe if we bring Sophie the Puggle outside,
Rocky will come to her since he likes her so much.

I put Sophie the Puggle on her leash and she's all kinds of excited now.
I hand her leash to him on the porch (I never let him in!)
and got my coat and shoes on, because it's now frapping cold in Ohio again.
Stupid yo-yo weather sucks.

So I step outside and take Sophie's leash from him and ask,
so where was the last place you saw Rocky.
He says in the house, he's fine, I just wanted to meet you.
What the FRAP!!!!???? (frap = a fuck and crap used at the same time)

Then i notice he's holding a beer and reeks of booze.
Great, he's drunk!
I grew up with many an alcoholic relative.
the first thing i learned is put distance between you and the drunk person.
So i back off the porch onto the parking lot
and ask so what's going on?

he said i hear you're some sort of computer expert.
i say i'm a computer programmer, why is your computer broken?
he's like no just trying to get to know you.
i wasn't even sure this was your apartment.
my heart is racing, i feel anxious and panicked!

i tell him that i'm waiting for my boyfriend to call.
my boyfriend calls every night to talk to me around this time.
i really really like my boyfriend.
i couldn't emphasize enough that i am taken leave me be.
i told him now that the dog is out i have to walk her.
thankfully, sophie is dragging me now to sniff the grass.
so i let her and start to follow her.

he's telling me this big sob story about him and landon's mom
they aren't married, they don't have sex, she means nothing to him.
they have the oldest kid together.
he's just helping her out.
again, i say i'm seeing someone.
i'm very happy.
sorry to hear about your troubles, but i'm sure it'll get better.
and i just let sophie lead me away.

he starts to walk along with me and i say well i better get her walked
and get back inside so i can talk to my boyfriend.
he seems angry, storms off towards his apartment and i hear the door slam.
i'm freaked out!

i mean, seriously, my dog is lost help me find it, that's what pedophiles says to get a little kid in the van.

i am done walking sophie, i'm back in the house, i'm making sure all my doors are locked.
i'm texting my man freaking out.
i am wide awake having a panic attack.
did the guy take the hint?
his he gonna come back?
my man thinks he's gone and says if he comes back he'll have a talk with him.
hearing his voice makes me feel so much better.
he calms me down and i'm able to finally go to sleep at 1:30am.

i swear the weirdest crap happens to me!

Angels Talking

last night i had a dream angels were talking about me and him
everywhere i turned there were these beautiful winged angels whispering
and turning their heads away when i tried to meet their gaze.
what do dreams like these mean?

the neighbor that sold me the jeep and i used to sleep with went to the store
where my new lover works to complain about some work they did on his new car
he saw the jeep being worked on up on the rack
and asked why it was there
my lover said because it needs work done
the neighbor asked what work
and my lover told him the ball joints are going bad
and the neighbor lied and told him that he had told me they were going bad when he sold it to me.
wow, that's a huge lie.
he said the jeep was in good shape with no major work needing to be done.
my lover told me he could tell the neighbor was lying to him
the neighbor said it must be going bad because of how i'm driving it
my lover stated that my kid drives it
the neighbor got a look on his face like how do you know so much
then my lover said, don't worry i'm taking good care of her
then it dawned on the neighbor that he was now talking to my new lover

it's a small world after all!

i saw that neighbor today on his new motorcycle taking his kid for a ride
i find it funny that he worries about what's going on with his old car
but doesn't give a shit about the woman he used to fuck
he would tell me i was the hottest and wettest and he thought about me all the time.
my new lover tells me the same thing.
i wonder if he's lying to me like the neighbor did.
once burnt twice shy!

what would the angels say if they could talk to me today?
i could only understand my name and his in my dream.
i couldn't hear what else the angels were saying.
maybe the dream was me reminding myself of my fear of this man
being like the last man.

help, i have done it again.
i have been here many times before.
i pick the men that hurt me again and again.
and i can only blame me!

An Unexpected Pleasure

wow, what a change in my life in less then a week.

i took the jeep into a shop to have the oil changed, tires rotated, and an alignment completed.
the neighbor that sold me the jeep recommended this place.
i booked an appointment on friday of last week and the guy on the phone was really funny.
he asked if my husband would be bringing the car in and i told him i was divorced.
he told me a joke,

you know why divorce is so expensive?

no

because it's worth it!!!

i thought that was so funny.

so i'm thinking the next day is st. patty's day and he sounded cute.
so i put on mascara, my dr. pepper chapstick, my new jeans, a tank top and a pretty new low cut t-shirt,
you know, just in case he's single and cute.

i walk in for my appointment and he immediately says, wow, great to see that smile.
i recognize his voice and i say hi, and he's like i talked to you yesterday on the phone.
and i'm like yes, i loved your joke.

so i decided to stay and hang out.
we are flirting.
i offer him my number.
he says he can't take it, but he can give me his number.
so the car is done and the amount isn't anywhere near what he quoted me.
it was just the oil change, i asked what happened to the alignment.
he said he didn't hear me, and i leaned in and said, you were too busy looking at my boobs.
he laughed and said yes i was.
so he's going to call me when i can bring the jeep back for alignment since the rack is taken.

so i'm taking the kid out to lunch and he text me.
we start texting then sexting alot.
i take the jeep back in and we are flirting like crazy in between his customers.
the kid is packing to head out to grandma's for spring break.
she's like quit flirting and bring the jeep home.
but the jeep wasn't done.
and it has ball joints going bad, so there's a couple of hundred bucks.
that's the only bad news from the luckiest st. patty's day i've ever had :)

i finally get home and the kid head's out.
he comes over after work and we're just supposed to get to know one another.
no sex, just maybe some kissing and talking.
figuring stuff out, like what this is and what we want.
he's divorced. he's got 3 boys under age 13.
he just wants to have some fun.
well we all know how the last two men i tried just to have fun with worked out.
but i told him i'd think about it and we had sex.
doggy style, bent over the couch,
i had an orgasm in 15 minutes, the neighbor didn't accomplish that in 5 months!!!

needless to say, i am once again trying a just for fun sexual relationship.
he came over yesterday too and we had sex and i had a record 8 orgasms in 45 minutes.
he's an alpha male too and i'm totally loving it.
i'm sure this relationship has an expiration date as well.
i ruin everything, but for now, i'm sore and extremely high on all the sex hormones.
so he has definitely brought me unexpected pleasure.
he calls and he texts me and he's not hiding anything that i know about.
and we are using birth control.
i told him upfront that i wasn't on any birth control.
i really meant it when i said i was done with secrets and lies.
wish me luck!!!

Sick and Cranky

i've lost five pounds since my last post.
i'm averaging about a pound a day and that's while i'm on my period.
it isn't easy to break myself of my lazy ways.
i've been fantasizing about covering myself in chocolate syrup and letting a certain male lick it off,
then i cover him and do the same.
sweet, sweet, dreams they are indeed.

but i stick to the plan i created for myself.
it doesn't help that i'm sick again.
this stupid cold i caught from a neighbor has taken up residency in my head.
i think now i have a sinus and/or ear infection.
so i need to get into the doctor this week.

i take my vitamins.
i'm eating healthy foods.
i'm exercising.
but i get sick so easily.
i catch any little thing i'm exposed to.
all my neighbor did was lean in and talk to me.

i think i'm going to have to start wearing one of those surgical masks.
or put myself in bubble.
i wonder how expensive bubbles are.
the bubble would never work, sophie the puggle would think i'm her new dog toy.
i see many issues with that situation.

i'm just trying to live my life the best way i can.
but i can't do anything right.
i fail at everything i try.

i fail in relationships.
i fail at sex.
i fail at getting healthy.
i fail at being a good mom.
i fail at saving money.
i fail at supporting myself.
i am a BIG FAT FAILURE!!!!

sickness makes me cranky!

I Hate Owing Money

scott says there's no chance in hell he's the father.
that is most excellent news.
the paternity test bret wants should hold no surprises.
now i just have to twiddle my thumbs until august when the baby gets here.

i feel better now knowing it isn't scott's baby.
the whole situation with him lately has not good.
but sex only has never been something i've been good at.
i have too many emotions to not get emotionally attached to a man.
i'm not in love with him, but i do care about him.
i feel bad i haven't been able to pay him off for the jeep.

i bring home net what he makes gross but i never have any money.
i poorly manage my money.
i excel at spending it, but i can never hold on to it.
i will try to give him 200 bucks a paycheck until he's paid off.
and he really swears he's done with me now.

i should apologize for being such a bitch.
i don't think he deserved it.
i just feel bad for his live in girlfriend.
she thinks they are getting married and living happily ever after.
and if he's not having sex with me it will only be a matter of time before he fucks someone else.
he's a man whore, he said it himself.

i hate owing him money, i feel like he has power over me while i do.
i hate that i gave him so much control.
i handed myself to him on a silver platter and i didn't know all the rules.
the only person i should be angry with is myself.
i hate to share.

bret totally went off on me too.
i don't need this crap right now.
i want a paternity test.
if it's my baby i'll live with u and take care of the baby,
but that doesnt' make us a couple.

why do i only want to be with men that only want to have sex with me?

scott - has a live in girlfriend.

bret - is still hung up on lynn

my ex husband - i wasn't a man

his brother - i wasn't his wife nor the mother of his children

ron - i wasn't his mother

i always fall in love with men that cannot love me back.
but this baby will love me and i will love this baby with everything i have.
this will probably be my last child, this is it.
i have to be super mom to this kid.
i will matter to this baby.
i have a purpose again!

The Mood Swing Revolution

gab and i got in a huge fight saturday night and sunday.
over the fact i gave away a poster on her wall to the neighbor teenager.
i had to get the poster back.
she admits she overreacted and i admit i should respect her space and not give her stuff away.
it gave me a headache.

she said u r so moody, it's scary, it's like your pregnant or something.
i stormed out and went out to buy a pregnancy test.
i waited until gab left and took the test.
it was positive.
so i must of taken the one on the 11th too soon.
so i'm back to whose the daddy, bret or scott?

i've been trying to process this.
i told scott on fb, coward i know, but then i deleted the message like an hour later.
i don't know what to do.
i have an ob/gyn appt. on feb 10th.
i want the baby to be bret's.
can i just do that?

my boobs hurt, i'm nauseated and i want a small chocolate milk shake and a big mac!!!
then i want to take an egg roll and dip it in the big mac sauce.
yeah, i'm pregnant.

scott says if i finish paying him off he won't ever speak to me again.
that's good right.
then bret can be daddy and he will marry me and we will live...
who am i kidding, unless i'm having a boy, i'm screwed.
sometimes i feel like i live in india, china, or the middle east
both men in my life want boys.

maybe i should make up some 3rd men and pin the baby on him.
and just go it alone.
is that selfish???

Cigarettes, Anger, and Regrets

i have been foolish again.
i made poor decisions again.
i drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, and got totally trashed man for New Year's Eve.
I woke with the hang over plus i felt like i had eaten a cigarette.
i only smoke when i drink and i drank and smoked way too much.

i sent an angry message to scott, belittling the size of his penis.
i do prefer the smaller tool he has.
my uterus is slightly prolapsed and too big of a penis hits my cervix and hurts.
but i'm angry that i was lonely.
it's my fault really.
i let him come and go as he pleases.

i put a cigarette out on the trunk of his neon.
he fb'ed me back asking why i had anger directed towards him.
i guess i've let myself simmer for too long.
but when he touches me i can't think.
let alone tell him how he makes me feel.

everything is just fine and dandy,
but when he leaves me,
i'm unsatisfied, wet, horny, frustrated and just twisted up.
he makes me feel so excited then it's like he drops me and i shatter.
i want to be more to him then an easy lay.
the more i get to know him the more i want to know him.
it is a dire situation.

i think this one is over my head.
i deserve better.
even a fuck buddy treats u better then this.
5 months and not one orgasim for me.
he's right, it's not fair.
and i'm bored with the games he plays.

at least my headache is gone now.
my tummy feels somewhat better.
i want to have movie nights, snuggle time, silly moments.
affection nicknames, smacks on the ass, and regular sex.
i want a macaroni for all my cheese.

when do they go back to school?

my kid is a one person destruction crew.
she brought the crutches in from the garage and threw them behind the couch, wtf???
she said it was so if there was a bug on the ceiling she wouldn't have to get up to kill it.
i am cranky, tired, and short fused.
i lost it.
i told her if she keeps moving shit around i will break one of her protruding body parts so she'll NEED the crutches!!!
it's bad enough she keeps knocking the baby Jesus down in the nativity scene by putting her crap on the table,
when does she go back to school, NOT SOON ENOUGH!!!

i can't live with her anymore.
she's rude, disrespectful, lazy, messy and just a bitch every time she comes home.
she thinks she knows everything.
she takes over the t.v. and i want to listen to music.
why can't she disappear into her room like the old days, unseen and unheard.
those days were nice, i liked them, i enjoyed them!!!

i did not sleep well.
i think i punched myself in the eye last night.
i've had spasms in my left eye all day and it's been watering and it hurts a little.
i feel so old.
i've had to wear my glasses all day.
i had bad bad dreams.
i dreamed i told scott i was pregnant and he beat the shit out of me until i miscarried.
extreme concept right, he seems like an alright guy.

but i couldn't keep the thought of him beating the crap out of me out of my head.
so i googled him and he has domestic violence charges from his first marriage.
he had to do probation and domestic violence classes in FL for a year.
so he can be violent.
he was in his 20's and now he's in his 40's so hopefully he's mellowed.
but he did threaten to kill me if i didn't deny our sexual encounters.

i am discombobulateed between the previous sentence and this one scott knocked on the door.
blow job, private part rubbing, making out, dry humping, back to sexual frustration for one!!!
told him about my dream, he thought it was stupid
and then he kissed me, he is a really GREAT kisser!!!

disappointment and hockey

the pregnancy test was negative. so i'm bummed. i guess i'll just keep trying.
lucky for me scott can't keep it in his pants.
he wants to use my garage to work on one of his cars.
he kept saying i want to park something of mine in your garage.
annoying and totally immature which is so scott.

me, dad, and the kid went to a columbus blue jackets game last night.
we were in the first row, which was awesome.
my dad had a really great time.
got the tickets and parking pass free from work.
thank goodness we took Lucille, dad's gps with us.
downtown columbus is a mess, with tons of closed exits.
lucille got us there and back though.

i invited scott and his son, but his little bunny had laser eye surgery,
and she can only see out of one eye.
so he needed to be the good boyfriend and take care of her.
sucks to be a committed relationship.
he never tells her he loves her.
i don't think i could live with a guy that never says i love you.
she's got blinders on.
he's going to destroy her.
i just want to have sex with him and make a baby.
the only one that doesn't know he's a liar and a cheater is her.
she's so stupid!!!
but love does that to you.

Loser nearly busted

last night ...
i'm such a dork!
i've got a head cold and i feel like shit!
fever, sore throat, sneezing, coughing, headache from hell!!!
so i'm sleeping alot and trying to keep hydrated.
i'm in a foul mood.
but Sophie the Puggle still must be walked.

so i'm in my pj's, dr. pepper pants and a nightgown, both are now 3 sizes too big.
i throw on a jacket 2 sizes too big and slip on shoes.
i'm walking and i see scott's car.
i think, he's such a loser.
so what do i do, i write loser on the trunk of the car with my finger in the dirt.
two seconds later, he pulls in, in the bunny's car, and honks at me.
i'm like shit, he's going to know that's me.
so he's putting trash in the car to go to the dumpster.

i circle around and when he goes around the corner i run back up to the car
and wipe the loser off of the car!
i don't know what got into me.
it was very immature, but i can be immature.
so i start walking back the regular path and he pulls over to talk to me.
i tell scott i'm sick.
he has hiccups.
he had a beer, he doesn't like beer.
he throws sophie his water bottle (she loves water bottles)
i jokingly cough in his direction and tell him i'm just sharing like a good neighbor.
he drives off and i come home.

i really need to suppress my childish urges.
but when i'm sick i'm more puckish.
my neck is really sore too.
i put icy hot on it after an ice pack didn't work.
i slept 12 hours and woke up still feeling like crap.
but the show must go on.
work is slow so hopefully i won't have to fire up to many neurons today.

for once i am wishing it was monday already

scott said monday he's coming down and staying awhile. he has frustrations to work out.
him and me both!!! i saw him alot today and it killed me not to be able to touch him.
i just wanted to stroke his goatee and kiss is bald head, but i couldn't.
his son gave me a hug and was playing with sophie the puggle.
sophie loves the kids and they were out in full force today.

i had a very boring tedious frustrating week.
the kid keeps whining about the car, she can't get the stick thing down.
she keeps stalling out, it took her a 1/2 hour to get the car into reverse.
scott is willing to switch out the manual for the jeep he has which is an automatic,
but it's more money and he wants me to pay for all the title switching.
i told the kid to drive it home wednesday and we'd talk it over.
she says she's concerned for her saftey.

thursday after work i had a drink or 10 down at the other neighbor who was always wanting to touch my boobs.
i made a pass at him, i was really agressive, the more he turned me down the more i drank.
he wouldn't even kiss me, seriously, all i got was a bible brochure for the jehovah witness'
he's trying to get right with God. that's cool.

it's not the most creative excuse i've gotten from a man turning me down for sex,
my fave was i think i'm gay, then the very next year he married another woman.
why can't guys just say i don't want to have sex with you because your fat and ugly.

i felt so rejected, i called his bluff and he didn't even nibble.
and i showed him my boobies again.
i said look at them, why did you think they looked like gum drops?
he said, well now that i see them really well they're better then gum drops.
i laughed and laughed.

i came home and puked.
i passed out for 4 hours then woke up after midnight.
i couldn't get back to sleep so i signed into work around 3AM.
by the time i went to the ob/gyn at 9 i had work almost a whole day.
so friday i took it easy and rested then worked 2 - 4.

if scott doesn't show up monday i'm going to be so pissed off.
i have to pee on a little stick every morning to see if i'm ovulating.
then i have to have sex within 24-36 hours after the stick is positive.
if i don't ovulate in a month or by my next period i have to go back to the doctor
and she's going to put me on a pill that will cause me to ovulate.
it's a fertility drug, i told her i don't want to be an octomom, just one or two is cool.
she said the chance for twins does increase, but triplets are rare.
so i hope i am still ovulating.

i bought the cutest little pair of baby booties.
they are green and yellow striped with little yellow duckies on them.
i kiss them then rub them on my belly.
i have no idea why i do that, i'm hoping it'll bring me luck.
i like the name jack samuel for a boy.
i like the name savannah colleen for a girl.
it's all on scott, he's the one that's going to knock me up, i just know it.

A Car, A Boy, and Sex

wow, thursday afternoon began a crazy weekend. scott showed up to get his money for the car.
he threw me face down on the bed, pulled my pants down, got busy, pulled my hair and choked me.
i ain't ever been taken like that and i LIKED it!!! damn!

after work i went and got the kid and her boyfriend. he's okay. of course, i'm not going to be crazy about the boy that took my daughter's virginity, but he's better then that douche she dated in high school. she's very bossy with him, but he stands up to her, which is exactly what she needs. but feeding them is expensive, not to mention she went to the doctor friday and she has bronchitis and a sinus infection, so i had to get her meds too. and he's got a cough, so i bought him cough drops and cough meds. he's going to the doctor next weekend. sophie the puggle really likes him, cuz he pets her all the time.

friday, scott came over and we went over to his best friends' house to get the title on the car. his friend and his wife seemed really nice. i didn't talk much, i just observed. he and scott have been best friends for over 15 years.
scott says he moved to ohio because his best friend did. and scott introduced his best friend to his wife when he worked with his wife. they're really close.

i wondered if they liked scott's current live in girlfriend. and if they like me or not. scott and i just talked while we were in the car. it was nice. we usually are busy fooling around and don't really talk.

i told him my kid is bossy with her boyfriend and he said she's dominant then, and i said, yes she takes after me.
he couldn't stop laughing, he said you aren't dominant, and i said i usually am the dominant one, but i'm not with you.
he is the exception to my one rule, to not be submissive to a man or let him have power over me.

he has shattered my one rule to a million pieces.

he didn't believe that i'm normally the dominant one in a relationship. if he talked to anyone i've dated in the past, except bret, he'd see different. i had such high hopes for bret being my one exception, but he was NOT dominant in the bedroom. it was a let down.

so saturday i went and got the temp tags for the car, my driver's license renewed, and my registration done. a very expensive trip, and next month to get the plates and registration on the new car is $110. my kid is always costing me money, but i love her.

we had to jump start the car because it had been sitting for a week. i put $20 of gas in it then they followed me to the dog park, because it has a huge parking lot for the kid to learn to drive the manual car in it. they let sophie play at the dog park then they practised driving. she keeps stalling it and had trouble with 3rd and 4th gear.

so i asked scott to come down and take her out for a driving lesson without the boyfriend. they were gone about an hour. he said she can do it, she just has to focus, he had her on a hill and she did fine. so he said let her drive to wal-mart with me in the car and don't say anything.

his exact words to me "get in, hold on, shut up"

i did that and the boyfriend kept talking. we almost rolled back into a car. so they did a chinese fire drill at a light. but it's progress!!!!

today they go have lunch with the boyfriend's mom, she hasn't met him yet. then they go back to campus. i told her she has to keep gas in the car. i will have my peace and quiet back by 3pm, yipee!!!!

just in time for me to sign into work!

I hate to wait

so i'm home working this afternoon waiting on fed ex to deliver my new ipod with the fitness application.
i'm so anxious. i was so worried that since it shipped to the wrong place i'd never get it.
but luckily they rerouted before the first delivery attempt and now it is on its way to me!!!

i'm not a patient person.
i hate to wait.
i tie myself up in a ball of anxious energy.

once the ipod arrives that is one less thing for me to be waiting on.

the naughty neighbor, scott, has my undivided attention at the moment.
i am waiting on him, he said soon, is that tomorrow, or friday.
it's usually fridays, it was this past friday.

we were talking about the car and then somehow we ended up on the living room floor with me riding him.
how come i'm the only one that ends up naked?
we dry humped, how high school is that!
then we went into the 1/2 bath where he reached climax during a titty fuck.
i have yet to get off.
this is a very lop sided sexual relationship thus far.
it's been going on since the beginning of august, so for three months now, he's managed to keep me hanging on.
we've done oral sex, titty fucks, made out, he gave me hickey's, he's come on me multiple times,
but alas, i have not come once, he's not pentrated me once, or ate me out once.
what the hell am i doing here?

when he touches me my mind shuts off, it's like heaven,
i go from a million spinning thoughts to none.
he's like a drug, and i'm so addicted.
i'm not ashamed,
i think i'm sexually frustrated, so i asked him when and he said soon.
oh, i do hope i'm not disappointed.
there's so much hype here with our sexual chemistry.

A Mishap at the Dentist

Today i went to get my teeth cleaned at the dentist. The dental hygenist can't get the water pick to work. So I have to rinse out with a cup. No big deal.
So she starts polishing my teeth and i feel something cold and wet on my legs and private area.
the water pick is shooting a steady stream of cold water onto my legs and private area.
she starts freaking out, grabs the water pick and drops it into the sink and runs out to get me a towel.
the water pick is shooting water up and out of the sink onto my chart and soaking it.
so i grab my chart and move it then i move the water pick so the water is going down into the sink.
she's really agitated now, but i can't stop laughing.
this type of thing happens to me all the time!!!

thankfully, i had on the track pants, but they were soaked and so were my panties.
i got home and changed, and hoped that was the most eventful part of my day, but it wasn't.

i ordered me a birthday present, a brand new ipad nano with the fitness chip in it.
it'll clip on and track your workouts, which i think is cool.
i double checked the address i saw on the screen and placed my order.
30 minutes later i checked my email and saw the confirmation email and the shipping address wasn't my current address!!!!
it's my old address, but the bill to address is correct.
the only address i was asked to verify was the bill to address, i thought i had checked the box that said use the bill to address as the ship to address, but guess not.

and the best part in less then 30 minutes it's already in shipping status so i can't change it.
i call the help line in a panic, i'm freaking out man,
the tech said she can't change it, but she put in notes to reroute it to my correct address.
i told her it's an apartment, what if they sign my name for it.
she says to watch the tracking on it, and if they sign my name for the delivery, i would call back and open a case, and i'd have to file fraud and theft charges against them to get a new one sent to me for no additional costs.

luckily, i still had my old landlords email address.
and luckily, he still reads his email and uses it and owns the property.
he contacted the current residents and asked them to refuse the delivery so it could reroute to me
and they agreed.

so here's hoping this rerouting thing works next week and i get my new ipod.
all my information is now correct up at apple.
the ipod is even engraved with my motto of inspiration, never quit, never surrender!
yes, i know i got it from galaxy quest, but i like it.

but i'm starting to wonder if bret's bad luck is contagious or if i'm so distracted by sexual thoughts of scott, what else am i gonna screw up
i got to get rid of these men, they are going to be the death of me.

I love hard cider

it is raining like crazy crazy cold rain.
so i thought, what's good on a cold, dreary, depressing rainy day, answer, booze!!!
so i went to the store and i bought an orchard of hard ciders, a variety pack, of 4 different kinds,
and of course, i got a six pack of my fave, strongbow, God bless England!!!

so i told scott (aka the naughty neighbor) our little "chats" are done.
i did it the coward's way, i facebook'd msg'd him, giggles!
and i've been avoiding him, because i know that if he touches me i will cave.
and i have to be strong, i deserve better!!!

i've been such a bad bad girl today.
i had a good healthy lunch and breakfast.
it was the snacks that got me, cookies, pumpkin donuts, and brownies, yums...
and then i topped off with kfc for dinner.
i'm no angel, but i can't go off the rails now.
i've worked too hard and come too far.

so tomorrow i climb back on the work horse.
i hit the wii, if it's still raining, i hit the wii hard, for an hour.
if i have do 15 minutes at a time i will, but i will get my exercise in.
i stocked up on fruit, eggs, cheese, and milk.
so i got my essentials.

now i just got to focus, buckle down, and get the job done, only 35 more pounds to go.
i can do it!!!

the microwave is alive!

i was putting in gab's old college microwave so i'd have one until i could replace the newer one that i had thought was dead.
i plugged in the small one and it didn't work.
so i grabbed a little light i have and plugged into all the kitchen plugs and ALL 3 kitchen plugs to the left of the stove don't work and the 3 to the right of the stove do.
so i went and got the newer microwave and plugged into one of the plugs that work and it's ALIVE!!!
i did me a major happy dance and squealed with delight.
i am so happy i don't have to buy a new microwave.
i called the office and they opened a work order for the maintenance guy to come see why those 3 plugs died.
i use them all the time for the toaster and the can opener.
hopefully it is something he can fix easily.

met a man yesterday over at a neighbor's, we were clicking and so my other neighbor asked him if he liked me and yup, he's got a girlfriend.
dag nab it, i can't catch any breaks when it comes to the men i dig!

i am eating healthy but i've gain back 3 of the 7 pounds i've lost since i can eat and not throw up.
i'm working out and walking every day now.
my goals are the same, health is my priority over everything else now.

i'm getting all my ducks in a row!

Hate migraines

woke up 3am with a migraine. had to come home at lunch and lie in the dark with an ice pillow around my neck. took alieve and excederine migraine to no avail. haven't been able to sleep it off either. i just can't get comfortable. my house is completely dark, except for the computer screen. i had to log in and do some work. i am lucky i can work from home when these hit. it's easier to be at home and be able to turn out all the lights. darkness and silence are king when i have a migraine.

i've been working hard to get a date. using the pof site. made some contacts. had to make it clear to one of them so far that i'm not putting out on the first date. i deserve a meaningful long term monogamous relationship. if i just want to get laid i got a neighbor or three that would kindly oblige me. but i want to cuddle, go do stuff together, have lame disagreements on which actor was in which movie. u know, the coupledom crap. i miss it. it's been a long time since i've been in a real relationship.

i tried to push bret into a real relationship as he reminded me on our last phone call. he only wants friends with benefits. sure the benefits package is swell, but i deserve more!!!

Die Monday Die!!!

today sucked!!! this monday was nothing but disappointment, bad news, problems, errors, and just bullshit!!!

bret's court date got cancelled, so i won't see him this week at all :(
he sounded super bummed too, he really just wants to get back to living his life with him and his daughter,
his custody battle has been going on since jan.
no wonder people take justice into their own hands, our court system moves way too slow!!!
i was so looking forward to seeing him and getting laid!
i'm selfish i know.
i want him to get what he wants too.
i still care about him alot and i only want goodness and happiness in his life.

i have to work saturday, so i can't go to my baby cousins 5th birthday party again.
my jewish co-worker seems to only be jewish when she gets the day off.
it is her turn to work the weekend, but it's the holiest of holy days for the jewish faith and there's no work.
lovely! i have to work christian holidays if that's what is required of my job.
i'm sick of having to work around her religon, she doesn't work around mine!
she eats bacon for God's sake!!!
and didn't even know if the kid she adopted was automatically jewish or had to be converted!
work is frustrating to me right now.
that is what happens when everything is due all at the same time!

then there's jackie, the perv neighbor that keeps wanting to touch my boobies.
i was all wound up friday thinking scott (the naughty neighbor) and i were finally going to have sex
and i flashed jackie, i had on no bra.
he said my boobs looked like GUM DROPS!!!
then he wanted me to show them to his roommate and kept talking about them to his roommate.
his roommate says he's never heard him talk about boobies like that before.
i know i can't keep a secret, but i thought a man could, sheesh!
he's cut off!!!!

so scott (the naughty neighbor) shows up thursday, we have our usual make out, grab ass fest,
then he says he's coming down friday to fuck me hard.
he doesn't show...AGAIN!!!
so sick of that man getting me all wound up and then nothing, nada, zip, zero, zilch!!!!
he tells me sunday that he had to work late.
i was like it happens.
i really don't care anymore.
the next time he comes around i'm just going to go NO, sorry, not interested.
unless he touches me then i cannot tell him no.
damn it!!!

i need to pull my head out my ass and start seriously applying myself to finding a long term exclusive relationship with a good man.
easy right!!!