Cigarettes, Anger, and Regrets

i have been foolish again.
i made poor decisions again.
i drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, and got totally trashed man for New Year's Eve.
I woke with the hang over plus i felt like i had eaten a cigarette.
i only smoke when i drink and i drank and smoked way too much.

i sent an angry message to scott, belittling the size of his penis.
i do prefer the smaller tool he has.
my uterus is slightly prolapsed and too big of a penis hits my cervix and hurts.
but i'm angry that i was lonely.
it's my fault really.
i let him come and go as he pleases.

i put a cigarette out on the trunk of his neon.
he fb'ed me back asking why i had anger directed towards him.
i guess i've let myself simmer for too long.
but when he touches me i can't think.
let alone tell him how he makes me feel.

everything is just fine and dandy,
but when he leaves me,
i'm unsatisfied, wet, horny, frustrated and just twisted up.
he makes me feel so excited then it's like he drops me and i shatter.
i want to be more to him then an easy lay.
the more i get to know him the more i want to know him.
it is a dire situation.

i think this one is over my head.
i deserve better.
even a fuck buddy treats u better then this.
5 months and not one orgasim for me.
he's right, it's not fair.
and i'm bored with the games he plays.

at least my headache is gone now.
my tummy feels somewhat better.
i want to have movie nights, snuggle time, silly moments.
affection nicknames, smacks on the ass, and regular sex.
i want a macaroni for all my cheese.

the morning after jack

well i passed out around 6pm, with only 4 miles walked for the day.
i woke up near midnight, all aches and pains gone, thank you jack daniels.
but my memory is hazy, but whisky does NOT give me a hang over.
so i felt great, had a pb and nutella sandwich, some milk, and let the dog out.

i checked on the kid, she says i was too funny. then i went back to bed and slept through the night with no issues.
it started storming overnight and it's raining today, so i will have to get my exercise in on the wii.

i don't like to self-medicate, but even a urgent care visit is expensive and all they would have given me is 800 strenght ib profen, which i had already tried for the past two days and it did not work. but the booze took care of it, it helped me sleep too. i was falling into insomnia again. i hate when that happens.

today will be a better day. i'm going to relax, we exercise, and just enjoy the moments.