The Good Samaritan

This is my talk I gave in Church on the Parable the Good Samaritan.
The Good Samaritan – Luke 10:29-37

Most of us are quite familiar with the term the Good Samaritan. We use it frequently. There are hospitals named Good Samaritan. There have been books and movies named the Good Samaritan. There are now even Good Samaritan laws which offer legal protection to people who give reasonable assistance to those who are injured, ill, in peril, or otherwise incapacitated.[1] The protection is intended to reduce bystanders' hesitation to assist, for fear of being sued or prosecuted for unintentional injury or wrongful death.

And it all originated from a parable from the bible in the New Testament Luke 10:25—37 that Jesus used to answer a question from a lawyer. And that is what I’ve been asked to give my talk to you about today is the parable of the Good Samaritan. I’m going to review the parable and then go over two main ideas of it, the first idea of mercy and service and the second idea of it representing the plan of salvation.
A lawyer asked Jesus a question, what shall I do to inherit eternal life. Jesus responded to him what where the most important commandments, his response, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself. Jesus said that was correct. But then the lawyer asked Jesus, who is my neighbor?

And that is when Jesus used the parable of the Good Samaritan to describe who our neighbors are.
I’m going to paraphrase Luke 10:29-37

A man traveling on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho was attacked by thieves; they stripped him of his clothes, beat him, wounded him, and then left him for dead.
By chance a priest came by but he didn’t stop, instead he went to the other side of the road and past the injured man by.

Likewise, a Levite, when he came upon the injured man and looked at him, went to the other side of the road and passed him by and did not help him;

But a Samaritan on his journey, saw the severely injured man and felt compassion for him and went to him. He nursed his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them and put him on his own animal and took him to an inn and took care of him. And the next day when the Samaritan went to leave he gave money to the host and told him to take care of the hurt man and if he spent more than what he had given him he’d repay him when he returned.

Jesus, than asked the Lawyer which of these 3 men was a neighbor to the man that was attacked and hurt by the thieves, the lawyer answered the one that showed him mercy, and Jesus simply said, Go and do likewise!

I did not now this but back in Jesus’s time the road from Jerusalem to Jericho was called the “The Bloody Pass” and was extremely dangerous. Jerusalem is 2100 feet above sea level and Jericho is 825 feet below sea level, the road that connects them is winding and ample with opportunities to ambush people. Also, the people of Samaria, aka, Samaritans, did not get along with the Jews during Jesus’ time. Samaritans were seen as less than human and were often mistreated. The fact that Jesus used a Samaritan as the good person in the parable was quite radical.

The word “neighbor” in the Greek means “someone who is near,” and in the Hebrew it means “someone that you have an association with.” This interprets the word in a limited sense, referring to a fellow Jew and would have excluded Samaritans, Romans, and other foreigners. Jesus then gives the parable of the Good Samaritan to correct the false understanding that the lawyer had of who his neighbor is, and what his duty is to his neighbor.

Martin Luther King Jr’s thoughts on the parable were this -
“… "I imagine that the first question the priest and Levite asked was: 'If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?' But by the very nature of his concern, the Good Samaritan reversed the question: 'If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?”
The parable shows on its first look a story of compassion, mercy, and service. A man stopping to help another man who has been injured and needed his help and he simply did what was right.

Maybe the priest and the Levite felt helpless, fearful the man was faking, or the robbers were nearby waiting to ambush them as well.
Maybe the robbers needed to feed their families by taking from the man they attacked and they were desperate with no other options then to hurt this man.
Maybe the man that had been attacked, only had his clothes and took this dangerous journey alone because he felt despair and had no more hope left.
Maybe the Samaritan was trying to change the opinion others had of his people in his time, of them being resented by others by the going against stereotypes.

If we shift our perspective to each character in the parable you see the story take on different angles. There have been times in my life where I’ve been afraid and helpless. Times where I have felt desperate and I have through careless words or actions hurt friends or family, and I have also felt despair and lost hope. And then there have been other times where I’ve been kind and reached out and shown mercy and compassion to my fellow man.

I decided to think upon this parable and think back on my life and try to remember any examples within my family of being the Good Samaritan and the more I focused and thought back I was taken by how my parents lived this parable and I didn’t even realize because it was just the normal way of life in the household.

We always had people that were in between places to live staying with us while I was growing up. One time the two neighbor boys’ mother went to get milk and she didn’t come back for 3 days. She had dropped them off just to play for a little bit while she went to the store get milk and we didn’t see her again for 3 days. Dad and Mom took care of them. Didn’t call the police and had a talk with her when she got back and after that they moved to Illinois to stay with their dad for a couple of years while their Mom got help. I was 9 I had no idea why it was taking her so long to buy milk.

My Mom and Dad were always helping people from big things, to small things, to family, friends, to strangers. We lived in the country with a lot of curvy roads and people would lose control of their cars and my dad would get the truck and go pull them out of ditches and bring them in the house and pour rubbing alcohol on their cuts. Sometimes they didn’t want an ambulance, cops, or tow trucks called for various reasons. So we’d patch them and their cars up if we could, Mom would get food and coffee in them and tell them to slow down and pay attention next time.

One of our closest childhood friends even moved in with my Dad while he was going through his divorce. I asked him why he hadn’t moved in with his own Mom or Dad as they had nicer houses. The house I grew up in has always been old. Mom always had Dad tearing down walls. I think the Kitchen has been 5 different configurations. The Living Room has been a bed room then a living room at least 3 different times and so on. He said yeah they have nice houses but you’ve always had a nice HOME!

My parents lived the Good Samaritan parable by loving everyone as they loved themselves as they loved me and my brothers. Every person they met they treated as their neighbor. My mother had a smile, a wave, and a laugh for everyone she met. She never knew a stranger; which sometimes drove my Dad nuts as she truly could talk to anyone and keep on talking. My Dad, though not as talkative, would never hesitate to offer his help to anyone who needed it, stranger, family or friend.

I’m thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me my parents.

Gordon B. Hinckley wrote in Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes, “It is not enough just to be good. We must be good for something. We must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for our presence. And the good that is in us must be spread to others. This is the measure of our civility.”

My Dad told me he wasn’t sure if he and Mom had been good parents until he saw my brothers and I as parents; it was when he saw that we were kind, loving, patient, and helpful to our own children that he knew he and Mom had been good parents. I told him, you and Mom weren’t good parents, you were great parents, to us, to our cousins, to our friends, to the neighborhood kids, to the kid at the grocery store whose dad hit her across the face with his car keys and you picked him up and slammed him against the wall and told him if he ever did that again you’d break him in half. You are the example every father should strive to live up to. I’ve seldom seen my father cry and it’s usually been when someone we’ve loved has passed away. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and hugged me and said simply, today, I needed to hear that, Thank you, Sis! It is one of the few times I’ve ever felt I’ve actually helped my Dad with anything instead of him helping me.

C.J. Jung said - “You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.”

The 2nd interpretation of the Good Samaritan parable is one that was common in early Christian faith of it being a metaphor for the fall of man. I found several articles a few by Brother John Welch on this idea of the parable. One article called the Good Samaritan & Eternal Life, explains the characters of the parable like this, “The man who was going down is Adam. Jerusalem is paradise, and Jericho is the world. The robbers are hostile powers. The priest is the Law, the Levite is the prophets, and the Samaritan is Christ. The wounds are disobedience; the beast is the Lord's body, the Inn, which accepts all who wish to enter, is the Church. And further, the two denarii mean the Father and the Son. The manager of the stable is the head of the Church, to whom its care has been entrusted. And the fact that the Samaritan promises he will return represents the Savior's second coming.”

This studying of the parable shows it as an allegory of the plan of salvation. I didn’t even think of this 2nd layer to the parable until doing some praying for guidance in my talk and then changing what I was typing into my google search engine to include eternal life along with the parable's name turned up the articles.

The man never makes it to Jericho. He had to have the Samaritan’s help because he couldn’t make it in the world without him. Just as we cannot be saved without the savior and his atonement to bring us home to Heavenly Father. I believe Jesus is the Samaritan. But I think more likely we are the ones on the side of the road. And Jesus is the one who picks us up and gets us on our feet again and binds up our wounds and bears our burdens when we cannot carry them anymore. Jesus is the one who takes us to a place of safety and makes a home for us and He promises to return when the time has finally come.

Another article in the February 2007 Ensign called The Good Samaritan: Forgotten Symbols again by Brother Welch in which he states, “In His parables, Jesus taught the essentials of the Father’s plan of salvation. As a type and shadow of this plan, the good Samaritan places our deeds of neighborly kindness here in mortality within the eternal context of where we have come down from, how we have fallen into our present plight, and how the binding ordinances and healing love of the promised Redeemer and the nurture of His Church can rescue us from our present situation, as we serve and live worthy of reward at His Second Coming.”
To love one's neighbor as oneself is defined in scripture as having eternal life, or the very life of God Himself coursing through one's actions, thoughts and words. 1 John 3:14 states - "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death."

I’d like to close with my testimony, I know this church is true, studying for this talk, searching the scriptures, the doctrine, the ensign, I was enriched by the word of God and it brought me comfort and peace. The memories from my childhood, especially of my Mother, whom I miss so much, that I hadn’t thought of in a long time and had honestly forgotten were a true blessing. I am grateful I was given this talk by the bishopric. I say these things in the name of our savior and God’s son, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Monday RAW Adventure

So excited, me and the kid, are heading to Monday night RAW this coming Monday.
Yes, i watch wrestling and i like it ALOT!!!!
It isn't reality t.v. and it isn't so scripted that i have to give it a ton of thought either.
and it isn't UFC or MMA where there's real blood and guts all the time.
It's enough cheesy and physical that it meets my happy medium of mind numbing entertainment.
I go to enjoy it.

I go to forget that i got a pay cut last year that wiped out my last 6 years of raises.
I go to yell and scream and act goofy.
I go to look at the man candy.
I go to forget that most of the time my life is exceptionally boring.
I don't do much in the way of entertainment.
I seldom go out.

I'm going to start working on paying down my debt.
I'm going to focus on credit cards, there's only 2 so that I want done in 6 months.
Then i'm going to work on the car.
After the car is paid off I'm going to hit my last student loan.
Then my kid's car and student loans.
I'm hoping within 2-3 years with the exception of the home and of course our monthly bills like electricity to be debt free.

so entertainment will be scarce.
i have enough scrapbooking stuff to keep me busy for ages.
plus, now with scripture study class and church activities which are free that should be keeping me busy.
but i do love seeing the super hero movies on the big screen.
you really can't be that, the big ultimate screen with the surround sounds are awesome, but i really want to be debt free.
student loans for my daughter are already near $50K and she just informed me she wants to get her masters.
ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm so proud, i'm so proud, i am so proud!

but it so expensive.

so if i can start paying on them now and maybe by the time she gets that masters she will owe little to none on it that would be awesome.
now i know why God only blessed me with one child.
i do so much for her and i would do that for all my children i would need millions to raise more than one, lol.

we are blessed.

we have everything we need and most of what we want.

not that we have expensive taste. i get so excited when i buy a book. really i do. i'm such a geek.

i'll be the woman on raw with a roman reigns rocks sign and on the back it will say Hi Dad it's SIS!!!

Straight and Narrow Like an Arrow

I'm working on my inner self trying to find a path that doesn't involve getting my heart ripped out and eating myself to death.
I'm scared of men and love so I've turned to God.
I'm burying myself behind the bible, scripture, weekly church attendance and Amens!
I've taken a vow of chastity and I'm focusing on my own spirtual, physical, emotional and mental health.

My A1C is down to 6.6 from 7.4 a year ago and if I keep going I can stop taking the diabetes medications!

I know through God all things are possible!

As I exercise I keep telling myself that.
I don't mind walking that exercise doesn't bother me at all, but when it is brutal weather I have to exercise inside.
I loathe my stationary bike!
It is nothing personal I'd just rather be outside walking.
But I ride the bike and then I do some minor lifting with a small weight since I have the bad shoulder I do small weight and many repititons.
I get sick of it quickly though, but I know my body needs it to be healthy.

My body is a temple not a wasteland or hollow vessel for men to walk all over!
I'm trying to be a better me.
I know it is in here somewhere but digging her out is more difficult than I ever imagined.
I'm a panic orientated person for all committments.
I never realized how committment phobic I've become.
I don't like putting anything in stone.
It freaks me out!!!!

I've had to start learning how to meditate before I pray.
My mind is so busy and full of static I could not clear it to pray anymore.
Every time I went to pray a million other thoughts would be swirling in there, work, the cute guy at church, chores, tv.
It was ridiculous, how can I connect with God and become calm and centered when I got 200 channels on at once in my head.
So, I bought some books and googled meditation and I taylored it to a more christian theme.
Now I focus on God and repeat an affirmation over and over why I focus on my breathing until I'm relaxed and focused.
Some days it can take 5-10 minutes before that happens.

I feel some days that the entire world lives inside my head and I can't turn it off.
I do feel better after I meditate and then pray.
I get a sense of calm and peace and even feel like one day God will answer me.
I don't ask for much, I mostly thank Him for putting up with me and my stubborn stupidity.
I am very stubborn and stupid and He is a patient Father.
I know I test my dad here on earth I can only imagine how Heavenly Father feels because he KNOWS EVERYTHING and my daddy here DOESN'T - lol :)

But I'am an imperfect soul and all I can do is work towards God's love and be humble, be honest, be kind, and of course, always silly!!!!

May you turn to God's love and it find you well.

Independence Day Blues

Happy Independence Day my fellow Americans!
Please blow up things responsibly!

I'm so depressed today.
I have the right to be depressed.
I have the right to pursue happiness.
You notice the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights don't even mention happiness only the Declaration of Independence does and it only says it is a right to pursue it.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" - Declaration of Independence.

The United States of America began with the best of intentions and the noblest of purposes and now it is a mess, but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

We might have lost our way some but we still believe in freedom and freedom is a beautiful and rare thing in today's world.

I have choices.
I might make horrible choices, but that is my right.
I don't have to cover my head or body and only show my eyes.
I can read, work and drive a car.
I can marry or not marry whom ever I want.
I can have sex with whom ever I want.
Sure, I might burn in Hell, but again it is my decisions to make.

I am blessed to live in a country where I have so much freedom and so many choices.
I make mistakes, but I love that I can work, pay my own way and be my own woman.
I am important and I do matter and I do contribute to society in a positive way.
I don't need a man to hold my hand, protect me, or provide for me.

God Bless America!
And I bless God!

Happy Miracle Day

Today a miracle happened many years ago in a land far away and to some people this miracle seems like science fiction;
Jesus after being dead 3 days arose and walked, talked, and tought, then after 3 days he rose up to heaven into the clouds.

I am a Christian. I believe Jesus was the Messiah, the Son of God.
There are days I don't feel worthy of his or God's love.
There are days I feel like he's right beside me comforting me with the Holy Ghost.
I do know the world today is torn and full of doubt, evil, and harm.
But as long as there are believers in God the world is not lost to us yet.

This may seem silly but I love being a Christian.
I love bacon and if I were jewish or muslim I wouldn't be allowed to eat it.
And my love for bacon is a lot like my Love for God and Jesus,
I can't explain it, this love I have for a bacon, how it excites me with its smell and taste.
It is like loving God and Jesus, you have to experience it for yourself, it cannot be force fed to you or explained to you.

I truly believe each person's relationship with God is their own and cannot be dictated by others.

So if you believe or not, think today, what would be a miracle to you?
have you ever seen a miracle?
have you ever heard or seen something that shouldn't exist or be happening?

I think today is a great time to reflect on how you feel about your life and this world.
And to see how you can be a blessing to everyone you meet.

I smile and wave to everyone I meet.
I like to believe the best in everyone.
Even on my more bi-polar days I try to be friendly to those I meet.
I don't succeed all the time, but I think the effort is worth it.

Happy Miracle Day!!!!

My Life Changed Last Night

Last night my whole future changed with one question, Are you falling for me?
I was terrified to answer him.
He wanted complete honesty.
My friend was like you are falling for him.
Maybe it's because she forced me to face the truth,
Maybe it's because it was via text and not face to face,
but i responded honestly, yes, i'm falling for you.

my heart is the optimist in this body.
he asked if i had been trying to tell him that in my texts the last couple of days,
because i was using the word love a lot when i responded to him.
i did not realize i had been doing that.
i would chant in my mind two adults having fun over and over all the time.
any time he would be sweet or take my breath away i would say the chant.

so it was my turn.
the L word was out.
i asked him, are you falling for me.
it seemed to take ages for him to respond.
i was nervous and anxious and scared.
i knew there could be a chance the answer would be no.
he said he was falling for me, but he wasn't in love yet.
but every day he falls deeper into me.
i did a happy dance all around the room.

Love is the most powerful drug in the world.
it can make you higher then heaven when it is right
and feel lower then hell when it is wrong.
i feel like for the first time this is right.
i don't have any doubts.
he's awesome.
he's amazing.
he's smart.
he's funny.
he's ambitious.
he's perfect for me.

he even said he wants me to have his baby for real.
i can't take any pills to help.
it has to be all natural.
i haven't been ovulating.
and this morning, i pee on the ovulation predictor kit and it is positive.
God answers my prayers.
i get a good man and a baby.

i hope i get to spend the rest of my life showing him how much i appreciate him and love him.
the rest of my life started with him last night!

An Uneventful Christmas

i hope everyone had a merry christmas out there in internet land.
my christmas was uneventful.
scott left a snowflake necklace on my porch christmas eve.
it is very pretty but i can't wear necklaces well, i have a thick neck.
so i hung it from my rearview mirror.
i gave a few of my neighbors some anchor shot glasses.
they all seemed to like them.

we got new movies, a new wii game, i got meemaw's perfume, windsong.
as soon as i sprayed it, it was like she had never left.
that's a perfume i would have never guessed at, thankfully, she told her friend what she wore.
it does smell so good.
i keep spraying it so i can think of her.

i spent christmas day eating snickers and drinking alcohol.
it was merry.
only burger king was open so i got dinner from there.
today is all about cleaning.
and walking my laps.
sophie the puggle loves her christmas toys.
there's a squeaky purple bear that she is dragging everywhere.

my kid is spending the week down at her dad's family.
she always has a good time with them.
i'm glad she's close to his family.
at times i wish i had more kids when i was younger.
she's so spoiled a sibling close to her age wouldn't have hurt her.

jan. and feb. are hard for me.
mom died one month after christmas in 1996.
then her and dad's wedding anniversary is feb 10th
and her birthday is feb. 17th.
my thoughts stray to her alot this time of year.
she so loved everything about christmas.
she grew up so poor they never had anything.
i know i'm blessed and lucky.
i have everything i need and even though there are things i want
they are the things you can't buy, like love, attention, time with the one i care about.

so i think my priorities are clear.
God bless you all.
Happy Holidays!!!

Post Funeral Caffiene Withdrawal

what a long long weekend.
we went to dad's thursday night so we could head to TN first thing Friday morning.
Meemaw's funeral was on Saturday.
My brother got lost because he insisted on going thru cincy instead of following dad and us through indy.
he showed up 3 hours later then we did.
he missed the turn in bowling green for 68.
every one asked him how his uncle jerry shortcut was.
he went to nashville and almost to memphis.
on the way home he followed dad, i drove sunday morning cuz he takes meds and my neice isn't a morning person.
he started talking about cutting over to cincy once we hit louisville.
i told him i wasn't driving thru cincy, if he wanted to do that i was getting back in dad's car and he was on his own.
that shut him up.
you'd think he would have learned after the way down there.

saturday was crazy.
my uncle's dog nearly killed my brother's dog.
aunt polly and my cousin jody got into it over meemaw's bible.
aunt polly had a meltdown.
i had an over zealous hugging cousin.
he hugged me so tight i heard something pop.
we went to mcdonald's and ronald was there, i hate clowns.
he got up in my face and i froze.
my dad went, bud, she hates clowns.
he went i'm not a clown.
my kid went, just back off.
and he did finally.
we sat where i couldn't see him.
you'd think if you were told someone doesn't like you you'd take the hint.
this clown was obnoxious.
i fucking hate clowns!!!!

i cried so hard at the graveside service.
just looking at the silver casket drove it home.
meemaw is with God and Jesus now.
if anybody was going to heaven it was Meemaw.
she was so strong in her faith and devotion to God.
i wish i could be more like her.
i got to make some changes.
life can be so much more then what i'm doing with it.
the preacher said if there's a wall or fridge in heaven,
he's sure Meemaw will have our pictures up on it in no time.

we went back to meemaw's and told stories and watched old videos.
it was great to see my family.
i even laughed so hard i pee'd myself a little.
of course, gab had to tell everyone.
but that's just more to laugh at.
for the most part we get along pretty good.
my aunt jenny doesn't think i'm bi-polar,
she is a professional in such matters.
my kid said stand next to her long enough and you'll catch a mood swing.
my aunt jenny admitted she hasn't been around me alot to determine it,
but she hoped i'd be okay.
i told her i take it one day at a time and exercise helps.

sunday was 11 hours in the car.
i think i did good driving my neices car.
i only got anxious over the bridge in louisville.
the other bridges i couldn't see because of the fog.
it's the thought of going off the bridge and falling into the water that freaks me out.
i just don't want that long drop into the cold water.
it's too much.

now it's back to normal.
i drank dt. pop non stop since thursday.
so it's back to no pop.
and losing the 3 pounds i've gained this past week.
i've had a headache since tuesday.
caffiene withdrawal will not help it.

the world seems duller without meemaw praying for my soul.
i love you meemaw.

Bittersweet Tennessee

the funeral will be in a couple of days so we have to pack up and head to tennessee.
it'll be wonderful to see the family, it's been a couple of years, but it'll be sad that we are all there for MeeMaw's funeral, so bittersweet, this trip to Tennessee.

when i was 7 grandpa and Meemaw retired and moved from Ohio to Tennessee. I went from seeing them every day to seeing them on our summer vacations for a week. i missed them very much.
as i got older and grew up and had my daughter, we went to see MeeMaw less and less.
then in spring of 2010 she had a stroke, i realized it had been ten years since i had gone to visit.
we went that summer for a long weekend.
it was too short.
that's the last time i saw her.
there was never enough money or enough time to go visit.
i regret that now.
Meemaw had her priorities right, God and family, is what she dedicated her life too.

i have some very difficult decisions to make.
Meemaw's death has made me take a hard look at some of my choices lately.
I've not been making healthy emotional choices.
Scott, Bret, Jackie, all unhealthy for my emotional needs.
I need to make a clean break from empty deadend sexual relationships.
I do want another child, but to conceive via one of these men is just opening my child and I to years of disappointment and heartache.

these men can't change so I must.
when i get back from tennessee i'm going back to church.
i'm going to get back on a righteous path.
God and family will be my focus.
I've already been working on my physical health, now it's time to meet my emotional and spiritual needs.

God, I'm going to need all the help I can get.
Especially, to tell Scott no.
that word doesn't pop into my head when that man touches me.
i'm caught up in his web, a total fly to his spider.
he knows he's got me, help me break free.
Amen!

Meemaw died

my wonderful meemaw passed away at 2am this morning, peacefully in her sleep.
she had been in fading health the last couple of months.
she had just come home from the hospital yesterday.
i'm full of sorrow.

Brownie Irene was born on September 3, 1923.
She was one of ten children.
She smelled like cookies, sugar, and cinnamon buns.
She always wore her hair up.
She had beautiful brown eyes and almost black hair.
I was named Shannon Irene in her honor.
I have so many happy memories with her.

We were called the two irene's or i was called little irene.
she's how i got my southern drawal.
she taught me how make homemade biscuits.
she'd tell me when i was little that buying things is how she showed she loved me.
i told her the same thing when i was older and would try to buy her things.
she never fussed over herself.
she loved her grandchildren and great grandchildren with a deep absolute devotion.

as she aged she remained strong, stubborn, and adamant to be on her own.
in the past two years she had suffered a stroke, a bad fall, and finally a ruptured ulcer.
but i never heard her complain or gripe about her suffering.
she was steadfast in her faith that God would take care of her.
He took one of his everyday angels home today.
Meemaw i know heaven is awesome, but don't forget to remember i'm still down here and i miss you.

love always,
your little Irene!

dog park kind of day

it is beautiful outside. a perfect fall type of day. a great breeze and just enough heat as to not be cold. so i packed sophie up and we went to the dog park. i walk 2 miles on my bum foot and she ran and frolicked with the other pups. now we are chilling and she's napping and life is good.

my foot is getting better. i keep it covered with gauze and neosporin until bed. then i leave it uncovered with the neosporin on it. it burns less, but the newly exposed layer of skin is still very red.

i am reaching a place in the pain that is tolerable for me. i've been reading C.S. Lewis' book The Problem of Pain. I find it interesting. I am struggling with my faith right now. I know God exists. I have never doubted that, but having bi-polar and borderline personality disorder I often feel that I am unworthy, empty, useless, small, and forsaken.

I wonder why I must suffer in so much pain, both physical and mental, if God loves me. Of course, the book of Job, is a clear example of testing, enduring, and perserverance. But lately, I started to once again feel disconnected, not just from God, but from all the people who surround me. I just wanted to be left alone.

These emotions aren't new to me. I often isolate myself. I justify these action by telling myself that if I am alone, the only person I can hurt is myself, but I end up hurting the two people who love me the most. My kid and my Dad, are the ones that take the most punishment from my "moods".

i've seen disappointment on my Dad's face more time then i can count. My daughter just shakes her head and says there is something wrong with you. I don't know how to make things better for them. I am this emotionally raw creature that has yet to be contained, tamed, or restrained. Every time i try to better myself, i get scared, and revert back to what is familiar.

i have so many thoughts twirling in chaotic dances in my head. i wish i could capture one and hold onto it until it finished its dance, but i am never able to keep what i want the most. To quote the book "...the doors of hell are locked on the inside."

if i surrender completely to God, as the book suggests, to be healed, then i admit i have no control over anything, including myself. now i see why God loses so many of us. i know God can run my life better then I can, but I don't want to bother him with my mundane details. I am back to feeling like a burden to him. This thinking keeps me from embracing His love to the fullest, but I don't know how to break the cycle. I feel like i'm chasing my own tail all the time.

God's firework show last night.

wow, the lightning last night was amazing. we lost power for a couple of hours. so i just sat on the couch and watched the show out the window. it looked like there were several very close lightning strikes. but nothing has been fried electronically, so i'm thankful for that.

a guy's car alarm kept going off after every lightning strike. the dog kept growling every time the thunder shook the windows. the storm was fierce. i was in the middle of baking some brownies when the power went out. needless to say, they were a complete lost. i tried to continue baking them 2 hours later when we got power back and it was no good. they were goopy in the center and spongy on the edges. so i tossed them.

my should feels amazing. the cortizone shot into the tendon worked wonders. i slept so good. i feel rested and revived. i've been cleaning, walking the dog, checking out the storm damage.

i think today is going to be a good day. and i really need one of those.
thank you God for the free firework show last night.

Days like Today

the softness of the dog's fur when i pet her
the coldness of the morning breeze
the saddness of an acoustic guitar plays
the stillness of my self as i meditate
the beauty of the moment sinks in
days like today i appreciate being lonely

the warmth of the sun upon my face
the roughness of the patio concrete against my feet
the sweetness of a cherry coke on my tongue
the songs of the birds in the trees
the simplicity of life washes over me
days like today i admire God's work

the quiet of my mind
the focus of my thoughts
the joy of my heart
the smile i have right now on my face
the faith i am feeling
days like today i remember why i breathe

the sorrows of my mistakes ease
the passions of my heart are pleased
the confessions of my soul are addressed
the questions of my mind are answered
the miracle of contentment settles on me
days like today i am thankful to be alive

Day 6 of my no tv challenge

Almost turned on the tv when i sat down to eat dinner, caught myself, some bad habits die hard!

work was frustrating, i had a miscommunication that resulted in some work having to be redone. i was talking oranges and they was talking apples. i just need to shake it off and accept i made a mistake and move on. it really was my fault.

so it is too hot and humid to go outside to unwind so i'm eating a tapioca snack pack and listening to the hum of the air conditioner. ah, the joy of air conditioning! God Bless the human being that invented it. Houses are built like little vacuum sealed look alike packages anymore. And would be unbearable without heat and air conditioning. I don't know how I survived my childhood with no air conditioning in the summer, well the house was old and had huge windows and was built to let air move around, but it still got really yucky hot inside the house sometimes.

my mind is burnt out right now. i think i will try to read some scripture, not sure if that will calm my mind or confuse me more. i guess i'm gonna find out.

Memorial Day 2011

Memorial Day is a day to remember those who have served in America's armed services. My family has a long tradition of serving this country. So Thank you Grandpa Stokes, Dad, Mom, Uncle Jerry, my two brothers, John and Jason, my sister-in-laws Donna and Tracy. Thank you for your sacrifices during WWII, Vietnam, Desert Storm, and the current battle against Terrorism.
Thank you for fighting for freedom and democracy!!!!
I love you all very much.

I'd also like to thank all service men and woman who have served and are serving in the armed forces for their sacrifices for freedom and democracy.
I have traveled over seas and I know there is no country as free and as blessed as the U.S.A. So thank you, to each and every one of you, for the every day freedoms we have here in America!!!

It is easy to forget how free we are here. We can disagree with our President and other politicians. We can hold protests. We can vote. We can run for office. There are so many freedoms in this country that are not available in all countries. We forget how blessed we are to live in America!!!

So on Memorial Day let us remember, it's not about the hot dogs, the parades, the indy race or even the fireworks, it is about each man and woman that have served in the military and what they have sacraficed to keep freedom free!!!

God bless you and God Bless America!!!!

finally headache free

Thank GOD!!! Woke up this Sunday morning headache free at 4AM sneezing my head off. I guess whatever was stuck up in my head came out my nose. totally gross and disgusting, but what sweet relief.

the weather is going to be sweet today. i think i'll take Sophie to the dog park this afternoon. I can't over do it or my headache might come back, but she's such a good pup. She loves seeing all the birds out. She gets so excited and forgets she's attached to me via the leash and nearly yanks my arm out of the socket to chase them birdies.

she's so silly, thinking she's a bird dog, when i know she's a couch laying, pizza eating, squeaky ball dog!

got my fingers crossed i am on the road to recovery!!!