Pancreatic Cancer sucks!

My brother died one week before thanksgiving this year from pancreatic cancer. They found the spot on his pancreas one week after our cousin died in January and they gave him six to nine months, he lasted nearly 11 months. He was always stubborn, I am having such a hard time talking about him in past tense. I have a constant knot in my stomach, I can't eat, but I need to eat, but nothing sounds good. I miss him, I love him. I hate that he died at 52. Our Mom died at 48. Our Aunt, her sister, died at 47. It's all such a fucking tragedy, that so many in our family die so young. I worry about my Dad, he's had to bury both his parents, his wife, and now his son. It's nearly too much for a good man to bear. He looks so tired and weary. He's 76 now, he used to seem so young and invinsible to me. And now, I find myself wondering if his heart will just give out from the grief. I feel like my own heart is just going to collapse from the sadness sometimes. This year has been so very cruel to us all, hasn't it? Lock downs, quarentines, viruses, cancer, death, disease, divorces, it's bringing out the worst and the best of everyone. The world has made so much technical progress and made so little personal progression. My brother wasn't perfect, he had many flaws, but he was a fierce friend, loyal, passionate, and when he loved you, he loved you with his whole heart. But damn, when he got pissed off or angry, it was black and white, on or off, there was no middle ground with him. Dad could always calm him down, and he was always sorry afterwards and would just move on like it never happened. The doctor's said it was because of the aneurysm he had at 22, that should have killed him then. Only 1 out of 4 surive that, so he was a walking, talking miracle for 30 years. He leaves behind a legacy of love and hope, two children, and four grandchildren. And a hole in all our lives where we know he should be. God speed my brother --- I love you!

The Wacky, Weird, and Werewolf

So me and my geeky guy went to see the Force Awakens, he was practically vibrating with excitement.
He made us go to the mall at 6:45, I kept telling him the movie didn't start until 7:50.
He kept hearing 7:20, sheesh.
I had already spent 5 hours at the mall with his kids because it was his daughter's birthday weekend.
We got her nails done and his other 2 got pedicures for the 1st time.
She forgot to get a birthday dress for her party the next day.
So we had enough time to go buy a dress and we didn't even miss the previews!

This family is NEVER on time to ANYWHERE!
it's insane!

I wake the middle girl up 2 hours before we are supposed to leave and she's still the last one ready.
She's the last one to do anything.
She is SLOW doing everything.
She never finishes her food.
She wanted Mexican food, she ordered a chicken sandwich.
She leaves unfinished food EVERYWHERE!
My kid found an unfinished turkey sandwich tucked in the back pocket of my passenger seat of my car, GROSS!

And they ALL bite!!!!
No that is NOT a typo, lol.

The oldest girl says she's part werewolf.
We were sitting in an old church on a tour and it's all quite and peaceful.
She puts her head on my shoulder all sweet and innocent like and picks up my arm and just bites me HARD!
And I was like, OMG, as quiet as I could, what was that for, and she goes, a love bite to accept you into our pack!!!
LOL!

The boy is a too funny.
He loves shoes as much as my kid does.
The 2 of them go into a shoe store and I can't get them to leave.
He can't tell girl tennis shoes from boys tennis shoes.
My daughter had to go this section is for vagina's and this one is for penis'.
I don't blame him for being confused. The crazy colors do make it hard to tell and it's not like it was clearly labeled.
He will spend ages polishing and scrubbing cleaning his tennis shoes.
He wanted a $200 pair of tennis shoes and another pair of $300 work boots, he doesn't work!
You ask him to do chores and he looks like you as if he's suddenly gone deaf and mute.

I do love all 3 of them. I really do.
Quirks and all, and believe me they are quirky kids.
My man is all weird too.
I think that is why we are so perfect.
A perfect wacky, weird, and totally (werewolf) well-suited family.
Wait till my dad tells the kids the wolf story!!!

Vacation Musings

We went for a in state vacation, just me and the kid.
We only went 2 hours away back down to where we used to live.
Sounded like a solid plan.
The place has an indoor water park.
There are tons of places to shop.

We'd visit family, shop, relax in the water park.
Simple, easy, relaxing.
No, No, and HELL NO!!!

I warned my kid there would be REAL children EVERYWHERE!

This place has an indoor waterpark, duh!

She thought the kids would just be in the waterpark.
They were all around the place, the halls, the foyer, the stairwells.
There are these wands they can buy and go on these adventures in the hallways.
We almost got whacked with some wands.
My kid who is a full grown adult and now was ready to kill some real children.

It didn't help that the kids were rude, pushy, and ran over you to get where they wanted to go.
And most parents were no where to be found.

It was not a peaceful place to stay, but she had her mind made up she wanted to stay there.
We could have stayed at her aunt's for free and just gone shopping.
There was one adult area, a hot tub, that teenagers and even 1 small child snuck into.
If my kid was say 5-11 years old it would have been the perfect place to take her.
But it was miserable.
There were children running around like crazy all hours.
The hallways were so loud you could hear through the walls.

I slept 14 hours when we got home.
All did when we got home was sleep and do laundry.
She was cranky the whole trip and I've been cranky the whole time we've been home.

I told her next vaction she is on her own.
she can take a friend and go all by herself.
I'm not paying that kind of money just to listen to her complain the whole time.

My back still aches from how soft the stupid mattress was!

And my kid has restated she is NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER HAVING CHILDREN LIKE EVER!!!!

Lost Its Shine

Christmas has lost its shine for me.
i have a tree. it is decorated. it has presents under it.
i went shopping. i spent money.
i opened doors for people. i smiled. i listened to christmas music.
i said merry christmas. i said happy holidays.
i asked people if they had plans. i called family to wish them joy.
i feel dead inside. i am void of all emotions.
christmas is death.

i was in the mall. i went to get away from this chattering little annoying man at work.
while i was eating my lunch a christmas song came on the loud speaker.
it was one of my mother's favorite christmas songs.
i suddenly had a wave of christmas memories of my mother come back to me and i cried in the middle of the mall food court.
i could not stop it or avoid it, i cried into my sandwich.

my mother loved loved loved christmas.
she was very poor growing up as a kid.
She was one of eight children; her dad was a drunk that seldom worked; grandma didn't work and they barely ate.
She married dad who did work and they could afford to celebrate christmas.
We didn't have a lot of money and I don't think it was really about the presents.
My mom loved the process and the excitement and the spirit of christmas.

She loved christmas, she would just glow at the holiday.
we'd have to go to church functions.
we'd do caroling and drive around to look at christmas lights.
the presents were wrapped and the tree was decorated with care.
we'd bake cookies and decorating them.

my mother went all out for christmas.
she made it really special for me and my brother's.
i still hang up the christmas stocking she made me by hand while she was pregnant with me.
she added my name right after i was born so it would be on there for my first christmas.
i wasn't even a month old on my first christmas.

Of course when we grew up and became teenagers we ruined it for her.
We became ungrateful and greedy and just a pain in her ass.
And then I redeemed myself and had her first grandchild and christmas was saved again.
She had 4 years with her grandbaby; 4 amazing christmas' filled with the wonderment and awe only a child can bring into the mix.
I miss those christmas years of the shine and the glow.

Yes, for me christmas has lost its shine.

Clear Road Ahead

I turn 41 on this thanksgiving day and i have so much to be thankful for this year.
I have a clear road ahead of me.
The MRA showed no sign of a brain aneurysm and that was a true relief.
The new medication seems to be helping with the migraines.
I am sleeping.
I feel rested.
I feel peaceful.

I had my family with me today.
The new great nephew is trying to talk and sit up.
Every time I laughed he would start to laugh.
Why does a baby cheer most people up so much?
Sophie the puggle wasn't so sure what to do with him.
She sniffed him, licked him, nudged him, gave him some odd looks and just walked off.
Although, anytime the baby drooled Sophie suddenly wanted to lick him.
I was a bad Aunt Shannon and gave him his first taste of chocolate frosting from my birthday cupcakes.
He LOVED chocolate, that is my BOY!!!
We tried vanilla ice cream, nope, he wanted more chocolate.
He has no interest in anything else.
He is such a good sweet baby.
He should be easy to potty train he hates having a wet diaper.

My dad seemed in good spirits.
He liked the house said it was a good fit for me and the kid.
He could never tolerate a home owner's association or having neighbor's this close,
but he knows that the kid and I are used to it after apartment living for so long.
My brother told me he bought my dad a kevlar vest for Christmas.
I told my brother being the smart ass i am,that you know when the zombie apocalypse happens they will want to eat his brain
to which my brother responded no problem i'm getting him a helmet, sheesh!!!!

I really do love my family!!!

Summer Heat and Money Blues

the heat is getting to everyone.
people are snapping, cranky, and just unpleasant to be around.
i haven't seen my man in over a week.
he's working 70 hour weeks.
since he's not introduced me to his kids i can't see him when he's home with them.
i just miss him and that makes me cranky.
he says tomorrow definitely.
i just hate not being with him more.
i come in third with this one, kids, work and then me.
he says we will spend more time together once i'm pregnant.
that puts a lot of pressure on me to get pregnant.
i'm focusing my excess time into weight loss.
i'm hoping getting my bmi below 30 will help trigger ovulation.
he wants it to happen naturally, no fertility pills to help.
i'm hoping if after 6 months of trying he will change his mind.
we will have to see.
we've only been together 3 months now, so there's even more time ahead of us.

there never seems to be enough lately.
there's not enough money to pay all the bills.
i quit eating out to save money.
of course, the grocery bill went up.
now after nearly two weeks 95% of the food i bought is gone and we still have 2 days until i get paid and can go to the grocery store.

the kid doesn't begin her job until the 2nd week of july.
all she does is sit on her ass, watch tv, play on her laptop and eat.
i think that is the reason why 2 weeks worth of food barely lasted a week and two days.
i have to nag her to do anything else around her.
and nag her i do.

it's been too hot to walk even at 9pm at night.
it is the humidity that bothers me the most.
i hate feeling sticky.
and the next week it is going to very hot and sticky.
so i began my new work out routine, the wii.
an 1/2 hour in the morning and then in the evening.
maybe the kid will join me and she'll get off the couch!

my baby cousin turned 5.
everyone was telling her to make a wish.
she looked at me and asked what a wish was.
i told her it is something you want but don't have.
i told her to wish cousin shannon had a million bucks.
every one laughed.
i told her if she wanted something, like a new doll, or to spend all day in the pool, or to go see grandma, just make a wish, say i wish i had a new doll.
wishes are lucky on birthdays and shooting stars.
i don't think she quite got it, but i tried.
i miss having a little one to explain all those things too.

Post Funeral Caffiene Withdrawal

what a long long weekend.
we went to dad's thursday night so we could head to TN first thing Friday morning.
Meemaw's funeral was on Saturday.
My brother got lost because he insisted on going thru cincy instead of following dad and us through indy.
he showed up 3 hours later then we did.
he missed the turn in bowling green for 68.
every one asked him how his uncle jerry shortcut was.
he went to nashville and almost to memphis.
on the way home he followed dad, i drove sunday morning cuz he takes meds and my neice isn't a morning person.
he started talking about cutting over to cincy once we hit louisville.
i told him i wasn't driving thru cincy, if he wanted to do that i was getting back in dad's car and he was on his own.
that shut him up.
you'd think he would have learned after the way down there.

saturday was crazy.
my uncle's dog nearly killed my brother's dog.
aunt polly and my cousin jody got into it over meemaw's bible.
aunt polly had a meltdown.
i had an over zealous hugging cousin.
he hugged me so tight i heard something pop.
we went to mcdonald's and ronald was there, i hate clowns.
he got up in my face and i froze.
my dad went, bud, she hates clowns.
he went i'm not a clown.
my kid went, just back off.
and he did finally.
we sat where i couldn't see him.
you'd think if you were told someone doesn't like you you'd take the hint.
this clown was obnoxious.
i fucking hate clowns!!!!

i cried so hard at the graveside service.
just looking at the silver casket drove it home.
meemaw is with God and Jesus now.
if anybody was going to heaven it was Meemaw.
she was so strong in her faith and devotion to God.
i wish i could be more like her.
i got to make some changes.
life can be so much more then what i'm doing with it.
the preacher said if there's a wall or fridge in heaven,
he's sure Meemaw will have our pictures up on it in no time.

we went back to meemaw's and told stories and watched old videos.
it was great to see my family.
i even laughed so hard i pee'd myself a little.
of course, gab had to tell everyone.
but that's just more to laugh at.
for the most part we get along pretty good.
my aunt jenny doesn't think i'm bi-polar,
she is a professional in such matters.
my kid said stand next to her long enough and you'll catch a mood swing.
my aunt jenny admitted she hasn't been around me alot to determine it,
but she hoped i'd be okay.
i told her i take it one day at a time and exercise helps.

sunday was 11 hours in the car.
i think i did good driving my neices car.
i only got anxious over the bridge in louisville.
the other bridges i couldn't see because of the fog.
it's the thought of going off the bridge and falling into the water that freaks me out.
i just don't want that long drop into the cold water.
it's too much.

now it's back to normal.
i drank dt. pop non stop since thursday.
so it's back to no pop.
and losing the 3 pounds i've gained this past week.
i've had a headache since tuesday.
caffiene withdrawal will not help it.

the world seems duller without meemaw praying for my soul.
i love you meemaw.

Bittersweet Tennessee

the funeral will be in a couple of days so we have to pack up and head to tennessee.
it'll be wonderful to see the family, it's been a couple of years, but it'll be sad that we are all there for MeeMaw's funeral, so bittersweet, this trip to Tennessee.

when i was 7 grandpa and Meemaw retired and moved from Ohio to Tennessee. I went from seeing them every day to seeing them on our summer vacations for a week. i missed them very much.
as i got older and grew up and had my daughter, we went to see MeeMaw less and less.
then in spring of 2010 she had a stroke, i realized it had been ten years since i had gone to visit.
we went that summer for a long weekend.
it was too short.
that's the last time i saw her.
there was never enough money or enough time to go visit.
i regret that now.
Meemaw had her priorities right, God and family, is what she dedicated her life too.

i have some very difficult decisions to make.
Meemaw's death has made me take a hard look at some of my choices lately.
I've not been making healthy emotional choices.
Scott, Bret, Jackie, all unhealthy for my emotional needs.
I need to make a clean break from empty deadend sexual relationships.
I do want another child, but to conceive via one of these men is just opening my child and I to years of disappointment and heartache.

these men can't change so I must.
when i get back from tennessee i'm going back to church.
i'm going to get back on a righteous path.
God and family will be my focus.
I've already been working on my physical health, now it's time to meet my emotional and spiritual needs.

God, I'm going to need all the help I can get.
Especially, to tell Scott no.
that word doesn't pop into my head when that man touches me.
i'm caught up in his web, a total fly to his spider.
he knows he's got me, help me break free.
Amen!

so sick of driving

wow, i put 649 miles on the car and spent $600 bucks this weekend.
Friday was getting the kid from college, doing her laundry, and taking her to the sprint store to replace her blackberry which got wet and died.
so we upgraded her to the i phone (she's in love with it) and we upgraded my dad to a phone with big buttons.
so early merry christmas to both of them.
$208 at the sprint store, but i have to buy stamps to send a $50 rebate.
she had my number until sunday afternoon and i'm still getting texts and calls from her college buddies.
i did her laundry, picked up her prescription and we bought her groceries.

saturday we headed to indiana to great uncle dave's 80th birthday party.
we had to go through richmond to get to hoagland
so we picked up my neice and her boyfriend.
then we went to see my cousins in richmond before we headed to the hog roast.
i spent 8 hours in the car on saturday.
my back still hurts and my ass is still clenched.
but i got to see alot of family that i hadn't seen in 10 years.
and damn, we age well!!!
my cousin gave me the motivation i needed to get my last pounds off,
she reminded me how stubborn we are as a family,
and when we make up our minds to do something we get it done.
so i'm renewed.
great uncle dave is going to hike the grand canyon AGAIN!!!
awesome!
i had cousin tim's homemade BBQ sauce.
boy, did i reqret that around 3AM the next morning.

today was getting gab back to the sprint store so she could get her phone # back and stop using mine.
taking her back to college and unloading her.
a grocery trip for me, eggs, cheese, milk, fruit, veggies and soup.
i am focused and driven to meet by goal by my 39th birthday (nov. 28th)
my goal was to be under 200 LBS (199) but now I want 195, i have 10 pounds!!!
I did 2 miles walking friday night, saturday before we left, and today after i got back from dropping off the kid.

i'm focusing on myself and my health.
if the naughty neighbor comes around we will see what happens.
he's lived with his little bunny since feb. and we started are fucking around in early august.
she said it's like dating herself and it's so normal, i almost yawned.
i asked isn't that boring and she said there's enough twist that it's okay.
he and i have such passion and chemistry, it's a damn shame we aren't exploring that on a regular basis.
but i can't get wrapped around this and let it consume me.
i do deserve better.
i jokingly told her about when gab asked if scott and i were having sex cuz i patted him on the shoulder
and i told her no, you'll get my ass kicked by his woman.
and she laughed and said i know that wouldn't happen.
like he wouldn't cheat on her or he just wouldn't cheat with me???
i am offended.
she has no fucking clue that he comes down here and we fuck around.
NONE. if she's that fucking clueless she deserves it.
she went on and on on how if he cheated or wanted an open relationship she'd be gone.
after i get what i want she might just get an ear full.

Suicide Isn't Painless

my neice overdosed intentionally on xanax and tylenol. she passed out head first into a wall. she's in the hospital last night on suicide watch. all because she finally managed to break up with her off and on douche bag of a boyfriend and he and his new little girlfriend and her little friends are bullying her at school. when my neice finally went to a teacher, the 5 other kids claimed my niece was the trouble maker, 5 against 1, nice. my brother and my neice's mom are going to file a formal complaint with the school today. i swear that boy needs to have his head bashed in. he's been nothing but a source of pain and misery for my neice since the 8th grade. his little girlfriend and her posse threatened to kill her. now my niece is depressed and super scary thin from all the stress.

it doesn't help that my brother has like a fucking pharmacy right in his kitchen. he doesn't need all his pills either, just like my mom didn't need all of hers, just like i didn't need all of mine. the pills just make the world go away. you get numb, become a zombie, that's always got to go lay down and sleep. that is exactly what my brother was doing when my neice decided she just wanted it to all go away too.

now my brother is going to have to lock up all his meds, i'd rather he flush them, but he does have some health issues, but i don't think they require 25 pills twice a day!!!! he's even going to lock up the tylenol. my neice put on face book a goodbye and that she had taken alot of pills and her dad was asleep. i called my dad to go over there. he called me back and said they had woken her up and she claimed to have only take 2 tylenol and 1 xanax. so my dad and brother tallked to her and she went back to bed.

then at 12:30 am this morning my Dad calls me and tells me he's at the hospital and that my neice had gotten back up and taken more xanax and more tylenol because she didn't feel any better. my brother made her throw up and he called an ambulance. she was staying in the hospital for the watch and observation. her face is all bruised up from the fall.

my neice is beautiful, smart, funny, good, quiet, sincere, helpful and sweet. her life is priceless. i know depression runs in our family, but when you try to kill yourself the pain you are trying to get rid of just gets put onto the shoulders and hearts of the ones you love. suicide doesn't solve anything, trust me i had my moment too.
we will get my neice through this!!!

Independence Day!!!

Today is my 40th day of not watching tv.
i feel independent.
i wish my kid would jump on board.

i got to spend time with my family tv.
i don't like fireworks.
i don't like fire.
i have lots of memories from childhood of firework "accidents".

it's a time of year to look past bbbq's and fireworks.
our forefather's really thought ahead,
separation of church and state,
freedom of speech,
freedom of religon,
such radical concepts back in their time.
we take them for granted.
these are still radical concepts for millions in the world.

be thankful we are free.
be thankful every independence day for our constitution.

Father's Day 2011

I called Dad and wished him a Happy Father's Day!!
Last week we saw him and gave him the True Grit movie, a card, and his fave candy, Milk Duds! He said he liked the remake of True Grit better then the original. I'd have to take his word for it, since I've seen neither. I'm not a western movie fan at all!

Had my neices all weekend. We tried some new recipes in the kitchen. A Swiss Cake Roll pudding cake and some baked spaghetti, both were excellent, but not as pretty as the picture in the magazine. They are 12 and 15 and both of them go to sleep with the TV on. I don't see how they do that. I would wake up at 3AM and both the TV in the guest room and the TV in the living room would be on and they were both zonked out. I turned them off. Even, when I watched TV, I couldn't fall asleep with the TV on. I refused to let Gab watch TV in her room when she was little. I would play a lullaby tape or CD for her. She still pops in her Celtic Lullaby CD when she has trouble sleeping and she's 20!!!!

I am so tired. I finally get to get on the computer. I worked today and all I wanted to do was play my game but Allie played it yesterday and Lin played it today. So, it's Aunt Shannon's turn to play the game. Yay!!!

so happy that's over now

all my kid could talk about was the stupid royal wedding.
now that it is over, i am so happy!!!!
sick of hearing about it, i bet the coverage won't die down until Monday, but it's hogged up the t.v., internet, and my kid.
i thought it would have been funny if one of them would have changed their mind, but i guess not.

so back to the real world... i know it sucks, but that's where i live, how about you?

weather sucks, it's windy, cold, and raining off and on.
next weekend will be nicer, going to take the kid to tour a technical college Friday, on Saturday going to go see thor with dad and the kid, then visit cousins, then on sunday going to go visit the kid's mamaw as a surprise for mother's day.

so i need like $100 for gas just for that weekend. going to put like 600 miles on the car, dad is 2 hours west, linda is 2 hours south, and the tech college is 2 hours east, so that's a tank of gas each day, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, cuz each trip is just over 300 miles and my new little car get a little over 400 miles a tank, that's if we don't run the air conditioning.

but we don't visit often so it'll be a nice change of pace. i'm looking forward to the visits but not the driving. i think my butt will stay cramped until tuesday. but the whole point of the newer car was so we could go visit more and save on gas.

well the dog is staring at me so she either has to go out to pee or wants petted.

later.

family fun and melt downs

just wrapped up 2 nights with family staying over, my 2 neices, their mom, and her mom (gab's aunt and grandma) it was filled with fun, laughter, and a few melt downs. it's hard to believe that no matter how old you get that when you get tired you get cranky. alex and i had to take a nap after our big mall adventure. every part of my body hurt. but i didn't spend that much money.

then linz twisted her ankle about 10pm last night and sounded like she was dying, less then 30 minutes later she's out cold. amazing how much a twisted ankle hurts when you are tired on top of it. i haven't heard her cry that much since she was 2 and now she's 11.

my headache and kink in my neck finally went away.

we did have fun, don't get me wrong. i love them. we laughed, played wii, watched dude, where's my car and steel magnolia's. there was plenty of gas humor. we had pizza's and cake. but 6 woman from the ages of 11 to 60 all in one house with only 3 bathrooms, it get's touch and go sometimes.

i hope they get home safely and visit again in a couple of months.

tax time

got my taxes filed. get back money at federal and state, but owe city :(
but i will have a huge down payment for a new(er) car. poor betty, is on her last legs. she's 15 years old, has almost 280,000 miles on her and can't go in park anymore. she needs a new windshield, brakes in the back, whatever is wrong with the car not able to go into park, she's leaking oil and transmission fluid. i think it's safe to say betty is ready to retire!!!

i'm going to have a car payment for the first time since 2004!!! that will be an adjustment, plus i'll have to up my insurance from collision only to comprehensive. my kid will be driving the new(er) car, so it's going to need all the coverage it can get! but it's going to be nice to have a new(er) set of wheels. it takes me 2 hours to see my family. that's 100 miles one way!

here's hoping my new(er) car is as reliable as betty has been!!

Post Turkey Coma

Here's a thought, instead of giving hyper kids meds, just feeding them some turkey every day at breakfast or lunch. I tell ya, I did not over eat, for once, on thanksgiving, i stuck to veggies and turkey and i felt like i was falling into a frackin' coma about a 1/2 hour later.

i thought if i laid off the carbs it would be so tiring, but i was very very wrong. this year the bird was juicy, tender, and flavorful. the big disappointment was the pumpkin pie, i took a little slice it someone went a little crazy with spices. it was too spiced up.

but i got to see family, hug my neices, marvel at what young beautiful women they are becoming and just sit and chat about nothing and everything. there's always a funny moment somewhere in the day.

this past sunday i celebrated my 38th birthday with my side of the family. we had ham and i did not feel like i was slipping into a coma later. so it had to be the turkey. serve it up and feed it to the hyper!!!

Thanksgiving Eve

All thru the house a dog was pacing,
a kid was dancing with headphones on,
and i am blogging this thanksgiving eve.

i am thankful for electricity and my eccentricity.
i am thankful for my father.
i am thankful for my daughter.
i am thankful for my dog.
i am thankful for my friend and lover, Bret.

i am thankful for my good health.
i am thankful for my good job.
i am thankful i do not go hungry.
i am thankful i do not go cold.
i am thankful to have a home.

all thru the house we are celebrating.
the quiet, the rain, the life we live.
all is precious and dear.

i am thankful to be here.

It's been awhile

I've been on the road. I went to Tennessee to see my Meemaw for the first time in 10 years. She's full of fight and stubborn as a mule. She refuses to use her cane. and she insists on getting up and waiting on people. Everyone tries to get her to relax, but as my Aunt Jenny said, "She's gonna do what she wants to do until the day she dies!" Which I hope is a long way out, but I worry. I see how hard it is for her to step up and down from the house to the patio then to the driveway. She even sways like she's going to fall. I love my Meemaw so much, I just can't imagine this world without her.

She said when I was little and I'd go to the store with her and Grandpa that I would have a trick to get me a toy. I'd wait until Grandpa was out of ear shot then I'd say, I ain't havin any fun, over and over until Meemaw would say, Would a new toy be fun and I say, Let's go get one. I've never heard that story before and it was nice to see the smile on her face as she remembered it.

She is confused somewhat. She kept calling me by Mom's name. And she got other people mixed up to. She admitted that the stroke done wiped her mind clean. She said she knows what she wants to say but it just won't come out or it comes out the wrong way. It frustrates her alot. She got her hair cut short and permed. It looks so cute on her. It gives her a mop top of curls that makes her look like she's got tons of moxie. She tries to stay sassy, but she tires easily.

Got to visit with most of the family. Ten years is a long time not to visit. Ty is 5, so this was his first time meeting me. I kept asking him, who am I and he'd get the blankest look on his face, and I say I'm cousin Shannon and he'd go oh, okay, I'd ask him 10 minutes later, what my name was and the blank look was back. I told him he needs to work on his memory. He called Dad, Uncle Jerry, then he called him That guy, which was too funny.

Yes, it was great to see the family. To hear the stories and see the bubba's (Dad and his 3 brothers) shoot the breeze. Politics gets these old coots all worked up. I don't like to discuss politics, there's no discussion about it, because every one already has their mind made up so it's pointless to talk about it. It just turns into an intense akward near arguement. No thank you!!!!

I hope to visit once a year for as long as Meemaw is here to see. It's a heck of a drive and hopefully, that new Motel by the Wally world will be finished, cuz the one we stayed at sucked!!!!! Dad was down there 3 years ago and he said it had gone downhill quick. I found a bug in the bed. There was no breakfast like they advertised. And it was dirty all around. Yuck, Yuck, and triple Yuck!!!

Well, it's good to be home. Sophie had fun with Molly and her owners Jeremy and Ashley. He took real good care of her, but by Saturday Sophie was homesick and had stopped eating. She was a real good puggle for him. No accidents. Shared her toys with his dog Molly. I missed that dog sleeping next to me. Gab's just happy to have a cell phone signal, air conditioning, cable t.v. and internet access 24/7. She thought she was dying out at MeeMaw's house where you have none of those. She said she now knew what the pioneers went through. Sheesh!!!

But I am not going to miss the heat and humidity. I drank tons of water and only went to the potty once in 8 hours. As soon as I drank the water, the heat sucked it right back out of my flesh. I missed my bed and air conditioning the most!!! God Bless the person who invented air condittioning!!! Amen!!!

Hiccups and 200 miles

I have put 200 miles on my car today and I have hiccups. I drove my kid down to her grandma's house. Then drove back, went to the grocery, put gas in the car and came home to find the dog had left a pile of doggie doo on the carpet. Then I walked her, cleaned up her mess, petted her because she was all hyped up and made pizza for dinner. I ate, walked the dog a 2nd time. Took my med then went to lay down. Then just as I got settled hoping for a nap, HICCUPS!!!!

I seldom get hiccups. My kid gets them all the time. I always tell her she's sucking in too much air. I think I laid down too soon after I ate. This is so annoying. I've tried holding my breath. Scaring myself (I looked in the mirror - just kidding), focused on the next hiccup, counted to 10 with deep breathing, laid with my head upside down from the couch!!!! Nothing worked, I still have them. I'm getting annoyed.

I hate hiccups!!!!

Home Sweet Home

My Baby G is home!!!! Yesterday was exhausting!!!! It's an 8 hour round trip drive to Louisville and back. I call it a back killing and butt numbing trip. The few car accidents that got in the way didn't help the timing either. And it taking 2 hours to load her up and clean her dorm room was an hour more then I had anticipated.

She hadn't vacuumed her dorm room since December. It was so gross!!! I emptied the vacuum extra large "bucket" 4 times!!! I did find 11 cents though. My Dad really out did himself, he rocks!!! He hauled all the heavy stuff down all those stairs, including the fridge. The dorm fridge she bought was alot bigger then I thought it would be. She said she had to get the big one because it was the only one that had a freezer big enough for her jumbo back of chicken nuggets. My kid LOVES her chicken nuggets even at 19!!!

She's sound asleep still and it's after 11AM. All her stuff is in the garage. It is not going to put itself away and I am certainly not going to unpack her. She's a woman now and she's got to do things for herself. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Now if I can just get her to pass her driver's test she'll almost be all grown up. Wish me luck with that one.