The First Full Exchange

Last night we exchanged I love you's for the very first time.
There were no i'm falling for you's just straight I love you's.
I told him you know I have fallen head over heels in love with you.
He said I love what an amazing person you are.
I love what a great cock sucker you are.
Oh, hell, who am I kidding, I love you!
Finally he admits what I already knew in my heart to be true, we are in love.

50 days, 7 weeks of passion and falling in love!

I have never felt this in love ever before.
My neighbors say I'm glowing and bouncing around.
I smile all the time.
Every day is just sunshine and happiness.

The pregnancy test was negative and I didn't get depressed over it.
I was a little disappointed but I shook it right off,
because my head whispered we still have him!
He's what is important.
This bond and relationship is what is important.


Before I didn't care who the father of my child was as long as I had the child.
Now I can't imagine any other man being the father of my baby.
If we're to ever break up I'd stop trying.
He is perfection to me.
He's insecure sometimes which is cute.
He says when I leave him... I laugh.
It'll be the other way around.
It'll be ten years from now and he'll dump me for a younger model.
We both laugh.

He brings out the very best in me.
I want to make him happy.
He wants to make me happy.
He loves and respects me.

Wow, this is the real deal!

I had given up.
And now I have my reward for all the past suffering I've done in relationships gone wrong.
I finally have a man who loves me back as much as I love him!!!!!

Thank you God!!!!

New Horizons

life is so good right now.
i am happy and content.
he's so perfect for me.
i get so excited when i see him i jump up and run to him.
i've never been like this with a man.

i've always held something back.
or i found a flaw i used to throw back at them.
he's awakened a renewed since of hope in me.
i feel an urgency to show him my love.
i don't hide how i feel.
i don't try to manipulate him.

he feels like home.

this is a new horizon for me.
these experiences he brings to me are energizing me in a way i've not known before.
this is how being in love should be.
i want to lift him up not tear him down.
he wants me to feel sexy and loved.
he doesn't point out my flaws and make me feel small.

he's truly a gentleman.
he shows me respect.
that's what i had been missing with the others.
i'd throw in my line for their love and they'd nibble but never bite.
for the first time, i feel like this is right!

i'm not scared.
i'm not full of doubt.
my friend and others are like this is too fast.
you need to slow it down.
but why?

we want to be together.
isn't that what love means, two people that want to spend time together.
two people that want to please each other.
two people that support one another.

i finally got a man i can see spending the rest of my life with
and i'm in this all the way!

sadness is my second skin

i'm covered in sadness since friday night. i got dumped, i cheated on my diet, i got a migraine, i overspent and am short on rent now, and today is the 15th anniversary of my Mother's death.

yes, sadness is my second skin.

I kept crying all weekend. It hurt so much to be told that he only wants to be friends and the i will never never ever be anything more to him then his friend. i was so disappointed in him. i know he's going thru alot with his ex, but he's shutting me out. why does he have to make life 10x's harder then it needs to be? i am in love with him.

i am good at loving him. all he had to do was sit back and relax and let me love him, but he can't do that. he doesn't believe he deserves to be treated with love, respect, kindness. i had hoped with time he'd realize how wonderful we are together. how we could build a little family together. i truly love him and his child. i feel like a deflated balloon, denied my right to soar to the sky.

i think my Mom would have liked him. I wish she were here right now. She'd have alot to say, she always did.

So i binged on a small thin crusted bacon cheeseburger from domino's and it was so good!!! but i felt awful, then all the stress gave me a migraine and i missed work yesterday. but i've been good and i'll just have to fess up and talk to the dietician about it. i've got to battle my demons, and emotional eating is one of them.

i lost the battle on friday, but i'm still in the war.
the revolution continues...

Thanksgiving Eve

All thru the house a dog was pacing,
a kid was dancing with headphones on,
and i am blogging this thanksgiving eve.

i am thankful for electricity and my eccentricity.
i am thankful for my father.
i am thankful for my daughter.
i am thankful for my dog.
i am thankful for my friend and lover, Bret.

i am thankful for my good health.
i am thankful for my good job.
i am thankful i do not go hungry.
i am thankful i do not go cold.
i am thankful to have a home.

all thru the house we are celebrating.
the quiet, the rain, the life we live.
all is precious and dear.

i am thankful to be here.