Hey Hey Now

Hey now we are getting little glimpses of spring with the big hits from winter in between.
I love winter but I'm so over it now.
I'm ready for some sunshine and flip flops.
I haven't shaved my legs since November!!!!
I'm really hairy right now.
I'm excited to shave, get a pedicure and just go outside and not freeze!
Come on spring!!!!

I think everyone in Ohio feels the same.
At least all my neighbors do!
We got up to nearly 70 degrees this past Sunday and it was amazing!
I saw people I hadn't seen in months outside.
We got all caught up on our silly little chit chat.

I took Sophie the Puggle to the dog park.
She is OUT OF SHAPE big time!
She was worn out and started getting snippy with the other pups.
She ran, played, and sniffed butts for an hour straight.

We went and got ice cream.
We had all the windows down.
It felt like FREEDOM!!!

This weekend is supposed to get into the 50's and I am going to enjoy every second of it!

I suggest if you've let winter get you down get outside and soak up that sun!
Because, at least in Ohio, the weather is more Bipolar then I am!

The First Full Exchange

Last night we exchanged I love you's for the very first time.
There were no i'm falling for you's just straight I love you's.
I told him you know I have fallen head over heels in love with you.
He said I love what an amazing person you are.
I love what a great cock sucker you are.
Oh, hell, who am I kidding, I love you!
Finally he admits what I already knew in my heart to be true, we are in love.

50 days, 7 weeks of passion and falling in love!

I have never felt this in love ever before.
My neighbors say I'm glowing and bouncing around.
I smile all the time.
Every day is just sunshine and happiness.

The pregnancy test was negative and I didn't get depressed over it.
I was a little disappointed but I shook it right off,
because my head whispered we still have him!
He's what is important.
This bond and relationship is what is important.


Before I didn't care who the father of my child was as long as I had the child.
Now I can't imagine any other man being the father of my baby.
If we're to ever break up I'd stop trying.
He is perfection to me.
He's insecure sometimes which is cute.
He says when I leave him... I laugh.
It'll be the other way around.
It'll be ten years from now and he'll dump me for a younger model.
We both laugh.

He brings out the very best in me.
I want to make him happy.
He wants to make me happy.
He loves and respects me.

Wow, this is the real deal!

I had given up.
And now I have my reward for all the past suffering I've done in relationships gone wrong.
I finally have a man who loves me back as much as I love him!!!!!

Thank you God!!!!

Mr. Sun I am so pissed off at u right now

my vitamin d is still way too low. so now i have to take 1,000 units a day plus the 50,000 units weekly. and if in 3 more months it isn't normal i have to have a bone scan to see if my bones have begun to thin. that scares the crap out of me. i have been sitting out in the sun a 1/2 hour every day in the early evening exposing as much skin as i can, i have been walking out in the sun every day with as much skin as possible exposed and it only went up 3 points from last time. I am NOT happy with Mr. Sun right now.

I hate fish. doc recommended i start eating fish like catfish, salmon, tuna with oil, my face said it all, doc was like i know u hate to eat fish. i hate to smell them, let alone eat them. they are disgusting!!!! I can't even take fish oil, it makes me sick, gives me a headache afterwards. Can you be allergic to fish?

i got another prescription to pick up and i have to find a vitamin d supplement with the 1,000 units in it! if pizza had vitamin D in it, i'd be set!

low vitamin D

went to have blood drawn to see if my vitamin D is up from a really low 12.2 back in March to a healthier number between 31-74.
The Doc is on vacation another week, so I won't know the results for awhile and i'm out of the supplement. So going to go outside more, which I have been doing since not watching TV. Day 9 of my no TV challenge is in full swing with great success!!!

my kid still watches tv and i ignore it when she watches, but i can't help but notice she watches the same episodes of the same shows over and over again. i mean how many times can you watch project runway!!!! it's stupid how many times she's seen these episodes.

she's working now so hopefully she will be too busy to keep watching them over and over again.

i think i'm going to take longer walks with the dog too. and i need to get ready for my next challenge, no more soda pop!!!! once the dt. soda is gone i'm not buying anymore. this is the year about me and getting myself healthy and free from the bad habits that drag me down. Yippee!!!!

wow, more rain

the rain keeps coming.
i've had to empty sophie's baby pool 4 times now.
my daughter started to complain saturday that it was too hot.
i told her to shut her mouth and be happy it isn't raining and cold.
she jinxed us, because yesterday the rain started and it is still going strong this morning.

people are never happy.
the grass is always greener on the other side.
why can't we just enjoy the moment?

i even got a little sunburn saturday.
i had sunblock on, it's in my moisturizer, and still got red.
the sun and i have not had a pretty relationship for the past 10 years.
the older i get the less time i spend outside.
so i burn alot faster now then when i was a kid.
and the sunburns are more severe, one year i got blisters!!
that really hurts.

i tried to buy some flowers saturday morning to plant in my little patch of dirt next to my huge concrete patio.
i was in the gardening section outside of the store for less then 10 minutes when i had to go inside because i went into a full blown allergy attack.

my eyes kept itching and watering for another 30 minutes inside the store.
i also kept sneezing!
what is the point of taking an allergy med every morning for the past 3 months if i can't even pick out flowers????

i guess i will just try again this weekend and take the kid so we can speed flower shop! that will be interesting.

yo yo weather sucks

last week we hit the high 80's, yesterday the high was 48 :(

i'm sick again, sore throat, fever, headache, and i hurt like a truck ran over me.

i hate this yo yo weather.

it's been raining non stop for like a month.
even the dog is getting sick of it.
whenever the rain stop she runs to where her leash is, like she is saying, hurry walk me before the rain comes back.

we are supposed to get more rain and be back in the 80's again by the weekend. i can't remember how it feels to feel the warmth of the sun upon my face. no wonder i have to take a vitamin D supplement.

this weather isn't helping me feel any less depressed.
rain, go away!!!!

Upbeat Day

after a brutally long work day yesterday, i thought i'd wake up feeling exhausted and burnt out, so it was a happy surprise to realize i feel great!
i'm in a good mood. i'm feeling happy and content. maybe it's finally an up day in the bi-polar universe and it's about damn time.

i've been reading positive books, like Gordon B. Hinckley's 10 Virtues to Stand up for and Mariann Williamsons Everyday Graces. Excuse me if the spelling is wrong or the title inaccurate the books are upstairs and i don't feel like going up to get them.

i've noticed when i surround myself in positive things, movies, books, scripture, people, that temporarily i feel positive myself. i am unable to sustain the momentum though and the darkness always calls me back, the curse of being bi-polar 2.

maybe it's a good day because i woke up and for once, in what has seemed an eternity, it is not raining, the sun is out!!!! it is very cold outside and it is odd to have the furnace on in May, the last time I had to wear my winter coat in may, i was in 8th grade and had a mullet, but the sun is such a welcome reprieve from the gloomy rains.

go outside today and just be thankful to see the sun, that's what i'm going to do today!!!

What a glorius sunshine day!!!

It is a beautiful sunny mild ohio day. It is a rare occurence in spring to have a perfect weather day and i think today is it. I want to remember this day so that when we have the next crappy day I can be reminded that there was once a perfect day. I want to turn off the air conditioning and open the windows. But my kid says she's hot and doesn't care if the house smells like wet dog. The house smells like wet dog because of all the rain we had been getting and the dog loves her puddles. Then she comes in and rolls on everything.

If you try to dry her off with a towel she thinks it's a game and tries to take the towel from you in a fierce tug of war battle. It's cute and yet so annoying since she does stink. Tonight she's getting a bath, sh! don't tell her. At least she'll smell like baby shampoo for a couple of days which is better then just plain old wet dog smell.

Maybe tonight we will try to find the dog park with a fenced in off the leash area so she's be really tired when I put her in the tub. She loves getting in the tub and splashing in the water. The moment you shut the bathroom door on her she goes into a panic, because she knows tub play time has just turned into bath time. She doesn't like being washed, she just wants to play. But I must be strong and take charge and get that stinky dog clean. I just can't take the smell anymore!