Clear Road Ahead

I turn 41 on this thanksgiving day and i have so much to be thankful for this year.
I have a clear road ahead of me.
The MRA showed no sign of a brain aneurysm and that was a true relief.
The new medication seems to be helping with the migraines.
I am sleeping.
I feel rested.
I feel peaceful.

I had my family with me today.
The new great nephew is trying to talk and sit up.
Every time I laughed he would start to laugh.
Why does a baby cheer most people up so much?
Sophie the puggle wasn't so sure what to do with him.
She sniffed him, licked him, nudged him, gave him some odd looks and just walked off.
Although, anytime the baby drooled Sophie suddenly wanted to lick him.
I was a bad Aunt Shannon and gave him his first taste of chocolate frosting from my birthday cupcakes.
He LOVED chocolate, that is my BOY!!!
We tried vanilla ice cream, nope, he wanted more chocolate.
He has no interest in anything else.
He is such a good sweet baby.
He should be easy to potty train he hates having a wet diaper.

My dad seemed in good spirits.
He liked the house said it was a good fit for me and the kid.
He could never tolerate a home owner's association or having neighbor's this close,
but he knows that the kid and I are used to it after apartment living for so long.
My brother told me he bought my dad a kevlar vest for Christmas.
I told my brother being the smart ass i am,that you know when the zombie apocalypse happens they will want to eat his brain
to which my brother responded no problem i'm getting him a helmet, sheesh!!!!

I really do love my family!!!

The Cold Snow at our New Home

the snow has come twice now since we've moved into our house.
the winds have been fierce.
we've had the trash can and some chairs blown around.
one night i thought the big bad wolf outside trying to blow the house down.
the entire house shook, literally, it woke up the dog, the kid, and me.
i thought it was a tornado and i know what those are like.
but we survived and the roof survived.

it is scary to own this home.
the garage door is acting up when it is cold it won't close.
i haven't built up my reserves again for issues like this.
so i'm worried something will break and i won't be able to fix it.
scary and so real, no more calling the maintenance man
now i'm maintenance, and i suck with screws and bolts and nuts.
i'm not even allowed to operate power tools.
that stems from childhood, my dad tried to teach me but after several painful and expensive mishaps,
i was regulated to holding things, point the flashlight there, hold this up, move this over...
and i'm not that good at that.
i just don't have good mechanical skills.

i'm more of a thinker then a doer.
i think about doing things all the time.
i have some really great ideas.
but nothing ever gets done unless it urgently needs to.
i do so much at work that when i get home i don't want to do anything.
even if i enjoy it, it is still effort, time, and work.
i'm hoping i'll develop the do it yourself spirit, but i'm not holding my breath.

the last time someone let me use a glue gun i ended up being banned from crafts class and
a lady got 2nd degree burns on her hands...

i'm a one woman walking talking hazard waiting to happen.

Here a Dog, There a Dog, Everywhere a Dog

a new neighborhood brings new people, new sights, new sounds, new smells and lots of new dogs.

sophie the puggle has made friends with lucy, a black and white border collie.
lucy makes a bee line right for us if she is being let outside.
they love to play together.
lucy even comes inside and helps herself to everything.
sophie just jumps all over her.

then there's lily, a golden retriever, she's a people dog, not a dog's dog.
she keeps trying to get to me to be petted, but sophie keeps wanting to play.
lily doesn't want puppy play time she's a person pet me kinda pup.
sweet as can be.

then there's bricks, a french mastiff puppy, he's HUGE and a puppy
sophie walked under him with no problems.
he's so well trained, but he couldn't resist playing with sophie
he was so excited; of course his owner was upset.
he has worked hard to train bricks to obey
and you know sophie, she just egged him on to play.

then there's maximus, a shih tzu puppy, the very opposite in size to bricks
looks like a little rabbit or furry ball walking around
at first he'd shake when sophie sniffed him but now he's a little bit bigger
and i really do me a little little bit bigger
he loves playing with sophie, for once sophie is the big dog here and i think she likes it

then there's gizmo, the chihuahua, he's big and tough, at least in his mind
he gives sophie the whole me man dog you woman dog show
he puffs out his chest, kicks up some dirt and sniffs her butt
sophie takes it all in stride

then there's bruiser, a boxer, he's so sweet
he and sophie played and then lied down and he began to lick her ears
which was addorable, bruiser gets so excited to see her
and she runs right to him

there are many more dogs in the neighborhood but these are the ones she's played with the most.
she never seems to lack for company.
sophie the puggle love her new home and all her new 4 legged neighbors.

Moving and Moving some More

We closed on the house a week ago Thursday and have in a constant state of moving ever since.
I've moved 99% of it myself.
I haven't had this much of a work out in ages.
I even took apart and moved the kitchen table and put it back together.
I feel like Wonder Bitch!!!
Cause all the aches and pains are making me so cranky.

This is a good change that I embrace.
My hope is to be completely over at the new house by the end of September.
At some point I will have to enlist help for the really big pieces of furniture.
I'm calling moving companies for that and they aren't cheap.
But to spare my back it might be worth it.

Tomorrow I take advantage of the Labor day holiday to move the computer and all its components to the new house.
I've been sleeping over there on a twin bed with Sophie the Puggle.
Talk about being squeezed for room.
Can't wait until we have the queen bed over there.
I think the dog and I both miss it.

Today is church, then taking my clean clothes and dresser drawers over to the new house.

I will feel a true sense of accomplishment if I can get everything but the really heavy stuffed moved myself.
The more time I spend in the house the more I love it.
I hate moving but this is worth it.

Diabetes and Me

Well, it has finally happened, I was diagnosed with Diabetes.
Sugar and I have to break up.
This will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do.
I don't need medicine or shots.
And I plan to keep it that way.

I also was prescribed medicine to help with my anxiety, mood swings, and sleep problems.
I haven't had a restful night's sleep in months.
I feel like an Alien living in my own body at times.
I drop things. I can't form sentences. I can't think of simple words.
I get confused. I zone out. I take twice as long to complete anything.

I'm surrounded by stress.
Work is stressful.
Buying a house is financially stressful.
My kid is stressful.
My coping skills have been tapped out.
I feel like I'm being attacked from all sides.
I even feel like Sophie the Puggle has been too demanding lately.

I have no patience.
I just want to curl in a ball in my room and never come out.
I've gained 25 pounds since March.
I have been eating sweets, carbs, and fatty foods because they comfort me.
And now I have to pull my head out of my ass and knock it off.
I don't have a death wish, but at times I realize I am eating myself to death.

The kid and I have given up pop.
She drank regular and I can tell she has lost weight.
I drank diet and I haven't lost a pound.
I do notice I don't crave sweets as much.

I can get control of my eating.
I ordered a diabetic food tracker and signed up for an on-line diabetes management site.
I think I'm going to try and find a class to take in Jan. after all the moving has settled down.
I close on the house Thursday.
Then I will spend weeks moving and unpacking and cleaning.
I can do this. I just have to keep reminding myself I can do this.

In Process

wow, buying a house is a pain in the house.
we had the inspection yesterday, radon was high, we can have that fixed after we close because there's a fix close on it from the seller.
and there a few little things to get fixed.
all the loan paperwork is in and goes to the underwriter on monday.
i hope we close the week of august 19th.
took a lot of pictures during the inspection yesterday.
i was starting to forget what the house looked like.
i got to keep packing and getting ready to move.

i'm excited but cautious at the same time.
until we close i'm going to be worried something will go wrong.
i worry about the littlest stuff all the time.
i can't help that it is how i've always been wired.

my current place is full of filled boxes.
i keep tripping over stuff.
my kid wants to buy stuff and i keep telling her to wait until we move.
i don't want to buy stuff and just have to move it to the new place.
she's got osu class starting the end of august as well.
she wants to get her books and parking pass and stuff.
i told her we have to wait.
i'm not made out of money.
she has a job.
she needs to buy those things with her cash not mine.

fencing the yard will be around 5K.
we will have to start saving for that.
i hope to be able to fence by March/April.
but at least we can extend sophie's runner all the way out.
it is folded in half now.
so she will be able to explore most of her new territory.
so much to do!!!
i'm major stress filled anxiety warped and freaked out!

We Picked One, Finally!

We found 3 strong contenders Friday for our first house.
One was our favorite, we made an offer, they countered, and we accepted!
It looks like Monday I'll be sending in the earnest money and we will be closing late August.

I'm so excited!!!!

The only work this house needs is a fence for Sophie the Puggle to be contained.
And we don't have to do that right away.

We'd like to do little things here and there.
I'm not crazy about the sage green kitchen and the dark bedrooms.
Neutral colors but dark ones like gray.
So we will probably paint at least the kitchen and secondary bedrooms after we close.
But we don't have to right away, but I know the kid will want to paint her room.
Add a few ceiling fans, maybe eventually a deck with hot tub and french doors out off the kitchen to the deck.

I'm so excited!!!!

It has everything we were looking for at 1,620 square feet.

Every room has a walk in closet.
The bedrooms are good size.
The master has its own bathroom with a shower/tub combo.
There is an upstairs loft area for the kid to turn into her tv/study zone.
There's a really good size family/great room downstairs.
A gas fireplace, big windows, great appliances, 2 car attached garage.
It is in a nice neighborhood and it was built in 2006 so there's no major work pending.
The roof, furnace, water heater, floors all in great shape.

I'm so excited!!!!

the search is on!

i apologize in advance for this blog...i am typing with one hand, because i'm coloring my hair cherry auburn and my other hand has a glove on it covered in hair dye.

but i'm too excited to share that i've gotten my pre-approval on a fha home loan and the house hunting process has begun.
i hope to spend may and june if needed searching and finding the perfect home sweet home for me, sophie the puggle,
and the kid!

any tips, do's, don'ts, cautionary advice? please share...

i have implemented our own sequester in the household.
no extras, save money, what i've learned the past 2 weeks since i did the $ crackdown,
is that my kid and i have very different ideas on what is an extra.
she thinks eating at subway everyday instead of chipolte is enough of an effort in cutting out extra spending.
yes, that does save money, but so does packing your lunch and pop and snacks.
she isn't getting it, so now she is cut off and she has to use her "little bitty" paycheck (her words)
to go out to eat, buy those 1.50 20oz pops at works and her dilly bar runs to dq.
plus keep on putting gas in her car...
she's 22, i can't stop her from plowing thru her money like a turbo charged john deer tractor,
but she is no longer taking my money with her!!!

Hey Hey Now

Hey now we are getting little glimpses of spring with the big hits from winter in between.
I love winter but I'm so over it now.
I'm ready for some sunshine and flip flops.
I haven't shaved my legs since November!!!!
I'm really hairy right now.
I'm excited to shave, get a pedicure and just go outside and not freeze!
Come on spring!!!!

I think everyone in Ohio feels the same.
At least all my neighbors do!
We got up to nearly 70 degrees this past Sunday and it was amazing!
I saw people I hadn't seen in months outside.
We got all caught up on our silly little chit chat.

I took Sophie the Puggle to the dog park.
She is OUT OF SHAPE big time!
She was worn out and started getting snippy with the other pups.
She ran, played, and sniffed butts for an hour straight.

We went and got ice cream.
We had all the windows down.
It felt like FREEDOM!!!

This weekend is supposed to get into the 50's and I am going to enjoy every second of it!

I suggest if you've let winter get you down get outside and soak up that sun!
Because, at least in Ohio, the weather is more Bipolar then I am!

Sick Puppy

Sophie the puggle got sick too!

She either caught the flu from my daughter which is possible or it was something she ate over by the dumpster.
I tried to get it out of her mouth but she gobbled it down.
She was sick for a week.
I was freaking out.
We had to dip our fingers into water for her to drink anything at all.
She wouldn't eat, not even lunch meat which is her favorite.
She stopped drinking water so I mixed water and orange juice and she'd lick that off my fingers.
She was miserable.
I was on the verge of taking her to the vet when she began to improve.

She might have been constipated, she didn't poop for 3 days.
I know that hurts from experience, gross right!
she is now back to her usually bouncy trouncy self.
this is the first time she's ever been sick.
Poor puppy!

Hopefully now that everyone in the house has been ill we can spend the next couple of months healthy.
Call me a dreamer, but not being sick would be such a blessing.

Parasites and Me

I didn't take the new job opportunity because of all my gastrointestinal issues i've been having since june. i break down and go to the doctor to get it checked out. doctor schedules several tests, takes my blood, asks for a stool sample, and a colonoscopy.

i get a call this morning from my counties infectious disease center, i have a highly contagious parasite, Giardia lamblia, i'm a host!

i probably got it from Sophie the puggle, who i was letting play and drink from the creek out back and the pond next door when we had that really really hot streak. bad idea, they are going to come out and test the water for it.

luckily i don't work at a daycare or handle food in my job so i can still work. but i had to call my doctor's office, my doctor is on vacation this week, and ask another doctor to call me in a prescription for a strong antibiotic.

i had to call the vet and they wanted a stool sample from sophie, a fresh one, so she finally pooped and i took that in and that test is $52 and we will take her to the vet on saturday to find out if she is indeed the source, and possibly a carrier of it. i wonder how much the exam and everything will cost me. but she's got to get rid of them too or i can get reinfected.

new rule, sophie and i don't share food anymore, she is getting her own little leftover bowl!!!

now my man is worried, more like my lover, is freaking out if he could have them. i told him it is passed through poop. and if you are not clean and wash your hands after the bathroom and handle foods and such. he should be fine. sex doesn't pass it unless you are into kinky stuff and we are not.

the only reason sophie gave it to me is she eats her poop sometimes and i feed her off of my spoon and fork then feed myself. which is gross, but i was doing it anyways. wow, it is great to have a diagnosis, but i'm freaking out over it!

i'm on the antibiotic for 7 days. and i got to wash my hands after every bathroom use. and i cleaned all the toilets.

cleanliness, cleanliness, cleanliness.

Catching Up

A breakup, a heat rash all over my belly, back, and ass, a pit bull attacks Sophie the Puggle... that was all in a week's time.

I've been recovery ever since.

My heat rash required staying out of the sun, there goes boosting my vitamin d, using benadryl, and trying not to itch.
benadryl, might as well be pot for me. it stones the hell out of me. i sit there and stare out to space drooling then eating, but i don't itch!

i'm still all broken out and i go to take sophie the puggle for walk and a neighbor's pitbull charges her and i pick sophie up to get them separated. the pit bull never bit, i think it was more about intimidation and submission, but poor sophie was freaked out. i got all scratched up on top of the heat rash. i hurt for days.

the owner apologized profusely. i did not call it in because the pit never bit, but i told him if one of the kids was walking sophie this would have been very bad. he said they'd more careful with her. their apartment door was open and they were going in and out when she saw sophie walking by and attacked. i kicked the pit to break it up, but it did not work. picking up sophie to break up the attack was the only thing i could think of, thankfully it worked!

work has been crazy, i will be in the office most of next week.

my kid started her job and is complaining, but reality is here. she can't stay in school forever, we can't afford it at all.

b. and i are talking. we are going to be friend's. my co-worker was messing with me on alot of stuff, just making crap up to get a rise out of me. he's like that. i don't like it when people play with other's emotions. i love b. and he loves me and it just got so messed up because other people messing with us. so we are talking and being friends and just caring about one another. he's not my boyfriend anymore, but he's still so much fun to be with.

it's funny how much time we spend planning our lives and then out of nowhere one little thing changes everything and all those plans are destroyed.

flexibility and adaptability are critical in this life!

Powerless in Ohio

a little after 5pm yesterday the power went out and did not come back until 7:30 this morning. I learned multiple things from this power outage -

1 - sleeping with windows open causes Sophie the Puggle to bark, growl, jump and be a pain in my ass over every little thing, it's 2am people go to BED!!!

2 - my now adult daughter is a big baby, she whines, whimpers, fusses, and cries. i thought i was going to have to change her underwear when it looked like we were going to get a tornado

3 - my boyfriend is an inattentive jackass, i texted him a simple question regarding if the hot water heater was electric to know if i could take a shower since i was sticky and sweaty from walking 2 miles and he still hasn't replied

4 - i am my own best friend, i walked 2 miles, read my natural light, and entertained myself quite well

our flashlights flash pink and purple and we did some groovy rave dancing with them.
i'm so tired from not having power i'm going to nap frequently today and do absolutely nothing!

A Creepy Encounter

I'm lying in bed trying to take a nap so I can be awake
when my new man calls around 11pm after he puts his kids asleep,
when the doorbell rings, it's 10:50 according to the clock and i was 1/2 asleep.
so i get up to see who it is.

i turn on the porch light and look through the peep hole and it's the neighbor that has the adorable pug named Rocky,
and the neighbor kid Landon, so I'm thinking something is wrong.
I open the door and he asks me if I've seen Rocky they can't find him.
I said No but I'll help you guys looks, maybe if we bring Sophie the Puggle outside,
Rocky will come to her since he likes her so much.

I put Sophie the Puggle on her leash and she's all kinds of excited now.
I hand her leash to him on the porch (I never let him in!)
and got my coat and shoes on, because it's now frapping cold in Ohio again.
Stupid yo-yo weather sucks.

So I step outside and take Sophie's leash from him and ask,
so where was the last place you saw Rocky.
He says in the house, he's fine, I just wanted to meet you.
What the FRAP!!!!???? (frap = a fuck and crap used at the same time)

Then i notice he's holding a beer and reeks of booze.
Great, he's drunk!
I grew up with many an alcoholic relative.
the first thing i learned is put distance between you and the drunk person.
So i back off the porch onto the parking lot
and ask so what's going on?

he said i hear you're some sort of computer expert.
i say i'm a computer programmer, why is your computer broken?
he's like no just trying to get to know you.
i wasn't even sure this was your apartment.
my heart is racing, i feel anxious and panicked!

i tell him that i'm waiting for my boyfriend to call.
my boyfriend calls every night to talk to me around this time.
i really really like my boyfriend.
i couldn't emphasize enough that i am taken leave me be.
i told him now that the dog is out i have to walk her.
thankfully, sophie is dragging me now to sniff the grass.
so i let her and start to follow her.

he's telling me this big sob story about him and landon's mom
they aren't married, they don't have sex, she means nothing to him.
they have the oldest kid together.
he's just helping her out.
again, i say i'm seeing someone.
i'm very happy.
sorry to hear about your troubles, but i'm sure it'll get better.
and i just let sophie lead me away.

he starts to walk along with me and i say well i better get her walked
and get back inside so i can talk to my boyfriend.
he seems angry, storms off towards his apartment and i hear the door slam.
i'm freaked out!

i mean, seriously, my dog is lost help me find it, that's what pedophiles says to get a little kid in the van.

i am done walking sophie, i'm back in the house, i'm making sure all my doors are locked.
i'm texting my man freaking out.
i am wide awake having a panic attack.
did the guy take the hint?
his he gonna come back?
my man thinks he's gone and says if he comes back he'll have a talk with him.
hearing his voice makes me feel so much better.
he calms me down and i'm able to finally go to sleep at 1:30am.

i swear the weirdest crap happens to me!

Sick and Cranky

i've lost five pounds since my last post.
i'm averaging about a pound a day and that's while i'm on my period.
it isn't easy to break myself of my lazy ways.
i've been fantasizing about covering myself in chocolate syrup and letting a certain male lick it off,
then i cover him and do the same.
sweet, sweet, dreams they are indeed.

but i stick to the plan i created for myself.
it doesn't help that i'm sick again.
this stupid cold i caught from a neighbor has taken up residency in my head.
i think now i have a sinus and/or ear infection.
so i need to get into the doctor this week.

i take my vitamins.
i'm eating healthy foods.
i'm exercising.
but i get sick so easily.
i catch any little thing i'm exposed to.
all my neighbor did was lean in and talk to me.

i think i'm going to have to start wearing one of those surgical masks.
or put myself in bubble.
i wonder how expensive bubbles are.
the bubble would never work, sophie the puggle would think i'm her new dog toy.
i see many issues with that situation.

i'm just trying to live my life the best way i can.
but i can't do anything right.
i fail at everything i try.

i fail in relationships.
i fail at sex.
i fail at getting healthy.
i fail at being a good mom.
i fail at saving money.
i fail at supporting myself.
i am a BIG FAT FAILURE!!!!

sickness makes me cranky!

An Uneventful Christmas

i hope everyone had a merry christmas out there in internet land.
my christmas was uneventful.
scott left a snowflake necklace on my porch christmas eve.
it is very pretty but i can't wear necklaces well, i have a thick neck.
so i hung it from my rearview mirror.
i gave a few of my neighbors some anchor shot glasses.
they all seemed to like them.

we got new movies, a new wii game, i got meemaw's perfume, windsong.
as soon as i sprayed it, it was like she had never left.
that's a perfume i would have never guessed at, thankfully, she told her friend what she wore.
it does smell so good.
i keep spraying it so i can think of her.

i spent christmas day eating snickers and drinking alcohol.
it was merry.
only burger king was open so i got dinner from there.
today is all about cleaning.
and walking my laps.
sophie the puggle loves her christmas toys.
there's a squeaky purple bear that she is dragging everywhere.

my kid is spending the week down at her dad's family.
she always has a good time with them.
i'm glad she's close to his family.
at times i wish i had more kids when i was younger.
she's so spoiled a sibling close to her age wouldn't have hurt her.

jan. and feb. are hard for me.
mom died one month after christmas in 1996.
then her and dad's wedding anniversary is feb 10th
and her birthday is feb. 17th.
my thoughts stray to her alot this time of year.
she so loved everything about christmas.
she grew up so poor they never had anything.
i know i'm blessed and lucky.
i have everything i need and even though there are things i want
they are the things you can't buy, like love, attention, time with the one i care about.

so i think my priorities are clear.
God bless you all.
Happy Holidays!!!

I've Lost my enthusiasm

scott stopped by last night to return the remote control.
he said he got the car to work and didn't need my garage because there had been a nice day while i was gone.
he started the whole dry humping, kissing, grabbing me crap.
i've lost my enthusiasm for the whole situation.
now i just got to figure out how to blow him off.
i was not responsive last night and he seemed disappointed.
but that's his problem and not mine.
he's laid off from work until jan so he's driving semi's locally.
i imagine i'll see him soon.
and then i'll cut ties.
it's all gotten very boring to me.
he's boring to me.

i think i'm depressed.
i go to bed at 6pm.
sophie has been having accidents in the house.
i think it is because the kid doesn't let her out when i go to bed so early.
i feel like a loser, a failure, and a disappointment.
i can't do anything right lately.
i just want to curl up into a ball in my bed and never leave it.

i guess this will pass.
i'm working to get back into my schedule.
i worked out on the wii this morning.
i'm back to 195.
and i expected just to break even this month.
so if i don't gain anything between now and the end of the year i'll be set.

jan. i have tweak my workout and diet.
i need to weed out what has failed me.
i can't do any kind of ice cream, even light or less fat.
i just eat too much of it.
i got 30 more pounds to lose.
i know i can do it.
i just got to get my ass out of this depression.
hopefully, without medication this time.

The common cold

i've lost 5.5 pounds in the past six days thanks to the common cold.
i sleep then i sleep some more.
i've been eating chicken noodle soup and that's about it.
so now i'm back down to my pre-birthday pig out weight.
not the best way to accomplish it but very effective.
i still am sick, but feel much better.

i will be able to take my first pregnancy test sunday.
i got my fingers crossed that it's positive.
i've been very careful with the cold medicine i've been taking.
i don't want to hurt a baby if i'm with child.
even though robitussin and tylenol haven't helped at all.

today i got to run to the store.
there's no food in the house.
i got to get a few things.
my kid is back from school for 3 weeks on saturday.
we are going to drive each other crazy.
i know it's a short trip to drive me off the rails of the crazy train, but she knows my buttons and she pushes them with glee!

scott has been flirty.
somehow i think we are going to start having sex again.
i guess he really can't keep it in his pants.
thank God for that horny bastard!!!
he's coming over today and possibly tomorrow.
so if i'm not pregnant, he's still a viable baby sperm donation specialist.

i tired to eat oatmeal for breakfast.
it is just nasty.
i don't like oatmeal.
not even in cookies.
it's like jello or yogurt.
i don't care how healthy it is for me, i don't like it, yuck!!!
so the dog ate most of it and she enjoyed that!

Loser nearly busted

last night ...
i'm such a dork!
i've got a head cold and i feel like shit!
fever, sore throat, sneezing, coughing, headache from hell!!!
so i'm sleeping alot and trying to keep hydrated.
i'm in a foul mood.
but Sophie the Puggle still must be walked.

so i'm in my pj's, dr. pepper pants and a nightgown, both are now 3 sizes too big.
i throw on a jacket 2 sizes too big and slip on shoes.
i'm walking and i see scott's car.
i think, he's such a loser.
so what do i do, i write loser on the trunk of the car with my finger in the dirt.
two seconds later, he pulls in, in the bunny's car, and honks at me.
i'm like shit, he's going to know that's me.
so he's putting trash in the car to go to the dumpster.

i circle around and when he goes around the corner i run back up to the car
and wipe the loser off of the car!
i don't know what got into me.
it was very immature, but i can be immature.
so i start walking back the regular path and he pulls over to talk to me.
i tell scott i'm sick.
he has hiccups.
he had a beer, he doesn't like beer.
he throws sophie his water bottle (she loves water bottles)
i jokingly cough in his direction and tell him i'm just sharing like a good neighbor.
he drives off and i come home.

i really need to suppress my childish urges.
but when i'm sick i'm more puckish.
my neck is really sore too.
i put icy hot on it after an ice pack didn't work.
i slept 12 hours and woke up still feeling like crap.
but the show must go on.
work is slow so hopefully i won't have to fire up to many neurons today.

for once i am wishing it was monday already

scott said monday he's coming down and staying awhile. he has frustrations to work out.
him and me both!!! i saw him alot today and it killed me not to be able to touch him.
i just wanted to stroke his goatee and kiss is bald head, but i couldn't.
his son gave me a hug and was playing with sophie the puggle.
sophie loves the kids and they were out in full force today.

i had a very boring tedious frustrating week.
the kid keeps whining about the car, she can't get the stick thing down.
she keeps stalling out, it took her a 1/2 hour to get the car into reverse.
scott is willing to switch out the manual for the jeep he has which is an automatic,
but it's more money and he wants me to pay for all the title switching.
i told the kid to drive it home wednesday and we'd talk it over.
she says she's concerned for her saftey.

thursday after work i had a drink or 10 down at the other neighbor who was always wanting to touch my boobs.
i made a pass at him, i was really agressive, the more he turned me down the more i drank.
he wouldn't even kiss me, seriously, all i got was a bible brochure for the jehovah witness'
he's trying to get right with God. that's cool.

it's not the most creative excuse i've gotten from a man turning me down for sex,
my fave was i think i'm gay, then the very next year he married another woman.
why can't guys just say i don't want to have sex with you because your fat and ugly.

i felt so rejected, i called his bluff and he didn't even nibble.
and i showed him my boobies again.
i said look at them, why did you think they looked like gum drops?
he said, well now that i see them really well they're better then gum drops.
i laughed and laughed.

i came home and puked.
i passed out for 4 hours then woke up after midnight.
i couldn't get back to sleep so i signed into work around 3AM.
by the time i went to the ob/gyn at 9 i had work almost a whole day.
so friday i took it easy and rested then worked 2 - 4.

if scott doesn't show up monday i'm going to be so pissed off.
i have to pee on a little stick every morning to see if i'm ovulating.
then i have to have sex within 24-36 hours after the stick is positive.
if i don't ovulate in a month or by my next period i have to go back to the doctor
and she's going to put me on a pill that will cause me to ovulate.
it's a fertility drug, i told her i don't want to be an octomom, just one or two is cool.
she said the chance for twins does increase, but triplets are rare.
so i hope i am still ovulating.

i bought the cutest little pair of baby booties.
they are green and yellow striped with little yellow duckies on them.
i kiss them then rub them on my belly.
i have no idea why i do that, i'm hoping it'll bring me luck.
i like the name jack samuel for a boy.
i like the name savannah colleen for a girl.
it's all on scott, he's the one that's going to knock me up, i just know it.