I Only Speak Up in My Mind

I see injustice and rudeness all the time, but i only speak up in my mind.
I don't like confrontation. I know I should say what I'm thinking and stop it, but I just shake my head and move on. What is it about me that makes me run and hide at the mere thought of calling someone out on their behavior? I'm a coward.

The only time I feel comfortable telling someone off is if they're younger then me. Like the two girls here that got into a girl fight. I broke it off. And told the girl that started it that she is to use her words and not her fists and the next time she came on the property she'd be arrested for trespassing. if that had been two adults fighting i would have just walked away. their adults, let them beat the crap out of each other. why do i care?!

the older i get the odder and more set in my ways i become.
my phobias grow and i want to stay in my home all the time.
i want to buy a house and never leave it.
if i had the money to do that i'd get everything off the internet.
i know this is not healthy. we are to want human contact, but i don't.
every time i try to meet people and put myself "out there" i get hurt.
you'd think i'd have tougher skin by now but i don't.

i'm twisted and broken down.
i don't want to interact with anyone in person.
people are rude, selfish, disgusting, and full of germs.
i am too, but they're my germs so i must live with them.
even my own kid is getting on my last nerve lately.

i guess i just hope this is a phase and my new medication will kick in and it'll pass!

Parasites and Me

I didn't take the new job opportunity because of all my gastrointestinal issues i've been having since june. i break down and go to the doctor to get it checked out. doctor schedules several tests, takes my blood, asks for a stool sample, and a colonoscopy.

i get a call this morning from my counties infectious disease center, i have a highly contagious parasite, Giardia lamblia, i'm a host!

i probably got it from Sophie the puggle, who i was letting play and drink from the creek out back and the pond next door when we had that really really hot streak. bad idea, they are going to come out and test the water for it.

luckily i don't work at a daycare or handle food in my job so i can still work. but i had to call my doctor's office, my doctor is on vacation this week, and ask another doctor to call me in a prescription for a strong antibiotic.

i had to call the vet and they wanted a stool sample from sophie, a fresh one, so she finally pooped and i took that in and that test is $52 and we will take her to the vet on saturday to find out if she is indeed the source, and possibly a carrier of it. i wonder how much the exam and everything will cost me. but she's got to get rid of them too or i can get reinfected.

new rule, sophie and i don't share food anymore, she is getting her own little leftover bowl!!!

now my man is worried, more like my lover, is freaking out if he could have them. i told him it is passed through poop. and if you are not clean and wash your hands after the bathroom and handle foods and such. he should be fine. sex doesn't pass it unless you are into kinky stuff and we are not.

the only reason sophie gave it to me is she eats her poop sometimes and i feed her off of my spoon and fork then feed myself. which is gross, but i was doing it anyways. wow, it is great to have a diagnosis, but i'm freaking out over it!

i'm on the antibiotic for 7 days. and i got to wash my hands after every bathroom use. and i cleaned all the toilets.

cleanliness, cleanliness, cleanliness.