Well that was fast aka the honeymoon is over before it even began

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate liars!!!
I hate people who lie.
Especially after I have been really nice to them.

My husband's kids have a real problem with lying.
They do it habitually and think when they get caught they should not be punished.
After Thanksgiving, the 2 youngest kids decided to go live with their bio mom.
My hubs had a complete melt down.
There was a huge argument between him and the kids.
Both kids lied and said horrible things about me.

One of the kids said I slapped them.
I haven't slapped anyone since the 5th grade.
The other accused me of trashing the house.
I had tripped and broken a bowl earlier that day.
I have never had people tell such horrible awful lies about me before.
It really hurt my feelings.

My husband had to be hospitalized for his mental health breakdown.
The bio mom swooped in and took the kids and has had them ever since.
She has a restraining order against my husband.
He is all mopey and has reverted back to self destructive behavior.

We didn't even get to go on a honeymoon for crap's sake.

Now we are selling the house he inherited and everything in it.
But the bills on the house will swallow up 75% of the money.

I am just so over it.
I am over his pity party.
Ever since this happened he acts like he doesn't have to try anymore.
He doesn't go to therapy.
He barely takes his meds.
He lies to me repeatedly.

We have been married barely 6 months and I'm ready to get a divorce.
He's drinking again.
He acts like he's 18 instead of 37 but if I say anything to him about his immature behavior I'm the bad guy.

I knew I shouldn't have gotten married again.
I totally ignored my gut instincts, my promptings, and even total strangers warning me not to marry.
This sucks.

Engaged But No Closer to Married

We got engaged Valentine's Day weekend. Cliché I know, but it is a funny story.
He made steak, shrimp, twice baked potatoes, baked asparagus, and for dessert there were chocolate covered strawberries.
Since he used the indoor grill he kept setting off the smoke alarm so the fired department came twice.
My daughter thought the 6'6" fireman was HOT!!!
The first time they came out he hadn't proposed yet.
The first time he proposed he did with a ring pop. It was cute! And the girls' had told me a real ring was coming later, so I was cool.
The second time the fire department came out he had proposed with the ring pop and they thought that was funny and sweet.

After dinner, he took me into his grandma's in-law suite to do the real proposal.
It was box inside a box deal, there were a total of 15 boxes.
I was getting tired of all the boxes, but each box had pictures and quotes from facebook from our relationship.
and he had a poem he got on-line that was geek love poem that he had me read.
The ring is an antique looking blue diamond accented with white diamonds and hearts on the side in white gold.
It's beautiful and it was a sweet well thought out proposal.
He said his Dad proposed to his Mom the same way.
I said Yes.

All the kids were there and they put the video on facebook.

We've been together 10 months now and we still have no wedding date set.
We wanted May 4th since it's international star wars day and I thought he could remember that as our anniversary;
But his 2nd wife won't sign the divorce papers.
It's getting ridiculous.
They've been separated since Dec 2011/Jan 2012.
She lives in a different state.
She has a live in boyfriend or something like that.

We've sent her the papers 4 times now.
She holds on to them for weeks, loses them, sends them back with "corrections".
He has no assets, no money, nothing for her to take.
I think she's just being a pain in his ass because she can be.
It's frustrating.

If we could move forward and start making wedding plans I think it would help with some of the kids' anxiety.
And help with some of his stress.
We've sent the papers back one more time and if she doesn't sign them this time we have to get and pay for an actual lawyer.

I'm getting just exhausted from all the ex wife drama!!!

The Wacky, Weird, and Werewolf

So me and my geeky guy went to see the Force Awakens, he was practically vibrating with excitement.
He made us go to the mall at 6:45, I kept telling him the movie didn't start until 7:50.
He kept hearing 7:20, sheesh.
I had already spent 5 hours at the mall with his kids because it was his daughter's birthday weekend.
We got her nails done and his other 2 got pedicures for the 1st time.
She forgot to get a birthday dress for her party the next day.
So we had enough time to go buy a dress and we didn't even miss the previews!

This family is NEVER on time to ANYWHERE!
it's insane!

I wake the middle girl up 2 hours before we are supposed to leave and she's still the last one ready.
She's the last one to do anything.
She is SLOW doing everything.
She never finishes her food.
She wanted Mexican food, she ordered a chicken sandwich.
She leaves unfinished food EVERYWHERE!
My kid found an unfinished turkey sandwich tucked in the back pocket of my passenger seat of my car, GROSS!

And they ALL bite!!!!
No that is NOT a typo, lol.

The oldest girl says she's part werewolf.
We were sitting in an old church on a tour and it's all quite and peaceful.
She puts her head on my shoulder all sweet and innocent like and picks up my arm and just bites me HARD!
And I was like, OMG, as quiet as I could, what was that for, and she goes, a love bite to accept you into our pack!!!
LOL!

The boy is a too funny.
He loves shoes as much as my kid does.
The 2 of them go into a shoe store and I can't get them to leave.
He can't tell girl tennis shoes from boys tennis shoes.
My daughter had to go this section is for vagina's and this one is for penis'.
I don't blame him for being confused. The crazy colors do make it hard to tell and it's not like it was clearly labeled.
He will spend ages polishing and scrubbing cleaning his tennis shoes.
He wanted a $200 pair of tennis shoes and another pair of $300 work boots, he doesn't work!
You ask him to do chores and he looks like you as if he's suddenly gone deaf and mute.

I do love all 3 of them. I really do.
Quirks and all, and believe me they are quirky kids.
My man is all weird too.
I think that is why we are so perfect.
A perfect wacky, weird, and totally (werewolf) well-suited family.
Wait till my dad tells the kids the wolf story!!!

Vacation Musings

We went for a in state vacation, just me and the kid.
We only went 2 hours away back down to where we used to live.
Sounded like a solid plan.
The place has an indoor water park.
There are tons of places to shop.

We'd visit family, shop, relax in the water park.
Simple, easy, relaxing.
No, No, and HELL NO!!!

I warned my kid there would be REAL children EVERYWHERE!

This place has an indoor waterpark, duh!

She thought the kids would just be in the waterpark.
They were all around the place, the halls, the foyer, the stairwells.
There are these wands they can buy and go on these adventures in the hallways.
We almost got whacked with some wands.
My kid who is a full grown adult and now was ready to kill some real children.

It didn't help that the kids were rude, pushy, and ran over you to get where they wanted to go.
And most parents were no where to be found.

It was not a peaceful place to stay, but she had her mind made up she wanted to stay there.
We could have stayed at her aunt's for free and just gone shopping.
There was one adult area, a hot tub, that teenagers and even 1 small child snuck into.
If my kid was say 5-11 years old it would have been the perfect place to take her.
But it was miserable.
There were children running around like crazy all hours.
The hallways were so loud you could hear through the walls.

I slept 14 hours when we got home.
All did when we got home was sleep and do laundry.
She was cranky the whole trip and I've been cranky the whole time we've been home.

I told her next vaction she is on her own.
she can take a friend and go all by herself.
I'm not paying that kind of money just to listen to her complain the whole time.

My back still aches from how soft the stupid mattress was!

And my kid has restated she is NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER HAVING CHILDREN LIKE EVER!!!!

Monday RAW Adventure

So excited, me and the kid, are heading to Monday night RAW this coming Monday.
Yes, i watch wrestling and i like it ALOT!!!!
It isn't reality t.v. and it isn't so scripted that i have to give it a ton of thought either.
and it isn't UFC or MMA where there's real blood and guts all the time.
It's enough cheesy and physical that it meets my happy medium of mind numbing entertainment.
I go to enjoy it.

I go to forget that i got a pay cut last year that wiped out my last 6 years of raises.
I go to yell and scream and act goofy.
I go to look at the man candy.
I go to forget that most of the time my life is exceptionally boring.
I don't do much in the way of entertainment.
I seldom go out.

I'm going to start working on paying down my debt.
I'm going to focus on credit cards, there's only 2 so that I want done in 6 months.
Then i'm going to work on the car.
After the car is paid off I'm going to hit my last student loan.
Then my kid's car and student loans.
I'm hoping within 2-3 years with the exception of the home and of course our monthly bills like electricity to be debt free.

so entertainment will be scarce.
i have enough scrapbooking stuff to keep me busy for ages.
plus, now with scripture study class and church activities which are free that should be keeping me busy.
but i do love seeing the super hero movies on the big screen.
you really can't be that, the big ultimate screen with the surround sounds are awesome, but i really want to be debt free.
student loans for my daughter are already near $50K and she just informed me she wants to get her masters.
ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm so proud, i'm so proud, i am so proud!

but it so expensive.

so if i can start paying on them now and maybe by the time she gets that masters she will owe little to none on it that would be awesome.
now i know why God only blessed me with one child.
i do so much for her and i would do that for all my children i would need millions to raise more than one, lol.

we are blessed.

we have everything we need and most of what we want.

not that we have expensive taste. i get so excited when i buy a book. really i do. i'm such a geek.

i'll be the woman on raw with a roman reigns rocks sign and on the back it will say Hi Dad it's SIS!!!

the search is on!

i apologize in advance for this blog...i am typing with one hand, because i'm coloring my hair cherry auburn and my other hand has a glove on it covered in hair dye.

but i'm too excited to share that i've gotten my pre-approval on a fha home loan and the house hunting process has begun.
i hope to spend may and june if needed searching and finding the perfect home sweet home for me, sophie the puggle,
and the kid!

any tips, do's, don'ts, cautionary advice? please share...

i have implemented our own sequester in the household.
no extras, save money, what i've learned the past 2 weeks since i did the $ crackdown,
is that my kid and i have very different ideas on what is an extra.
she thinks eating at subway everyday instead of chipolte is enough of an effort in cutting out extra spending.
yes, that does save money, but so does packing your lunch and pop and snacks.
she isn't getting it, so now she is cut off and she has to use her "little bitty" paycheck (her words)
to go out to eat, buy those 1.50 20oz pops at works and her dilly bar runs to dq.
plus keep on putting gas in her car...
she's 22, i can't stop her from plowing thru her money like a turbo charged john deer tractor,
but she is no longer taking my money with her!!!

I Only Speak Up in My Mind

I see injustice and rudeness all the time, but i only speak up in my mind.
I don't like confrontation. I know I should say what I'm thinking and stop it, but I just shake my head and move on. What is it about me that makes me run and hide at the mere thought of calling someone out on their behavior? I'm a coward.

The only time I feel comfortable telling someone off is if they're younger then me. Like the two girls here that got into a girl fight. I broke it off. And told the girl that started it that she is to use her words and not her fists and the next time she came on the property she'd be arrested for trespassing. if that had been two adults fighting i would have just walked away. their adults, let them beat the crap out of each other. why do i care?!

the older i get the odder and more set in my ways i become.
my phobias grow and i want to stay in my home all the time.
i want to buy a house and never leave it.
if i had the money to do that i'd get everything off the internet.
i know this is not healthy. we are to want human contact, but i don't.
every time i try to meet people and put myself "out there" i get hurt.
you'd think i'd have tougher skin by now but i don't.

i'm twisted and broken down.
i don't want to interact with anyone in person.
people are rude, selfish, disgusting, and full of germs.
i am too, but they're my germs so i must live with them.
even my own kid is getting on my last nerve lately.

i guess i just hope this is a phase and my new medication will kick in and it'll pass!

Playing and Losing

Easter was a non event. Holidays aren't the same with the kid all grown up.
I had my nieces over the weekend and took them to a Columbus Crew Soccer game.
They really liked it.
I had no idea what was going on.
Soccer to me was always just an excuse for my brother's to kick me.
I told them I was just watching the pretty boys run around.
They thought that was funny.

The kid is back at the dorms.
I'm back to work.
And I'm back to waiting on a man!

Why do I do this to myself?
It's like I enjoy the pain or something.
I want love but I pick the worst men to give it to me.
This one constantly talks about putting his seed me.
And how he'd love me to carry his child.
I'm confused, because he tells me he likes the idea of me being pregnant with his child,
but he doesn't want me to get actually pregnant!

I sure can pick him!

He's an alpha male which I love that, but he's another one that toys with me.
He enjoys that I want him and he controls when I get him.
We've not had sex for almost a week and a half now.
He's got kids at home, a busy job, a hectic schedule
and I have all this time to just sit around and think about him.

I'm on my own way too much.
But at least this one gives me orgasms!

hope springs eternal

i had sex with bret early am yesterday and his sperm can last 2-3 days so i'm hoping that's enough to fertilize and conceive. i hope i hope i hope!

but i'm trying to get scott to kick in a donation for a safety net.
but considering i've confessed that i've told people about him i don't know if he's in play anymore.
i never realized getting a horny man whore to have sex with me would be so difficult.
that's what i get for lying.
i wish i wouldn't lie, but i really really want one more kid.
so i came clean about everything but being on birth control.
sad right, but i'm really in a spot.
i'm 39 it's now or never in my book.

i'm not a good person.
i'm not going to pretend that what i'm doing has some sort of justification.
it's wrong to dup these men.
especially since i care about them.
there's no moral ground to stand on for this.
and if it fails miserably i deserve it.
but i really love being a mom and i miss having a little one.
i should have had more then just one kid.
i kept waiting for the perfect situation and it doesn't exist.
so i'm taking lemons and trying to make some lemonade.

may the men forgive me and God have mercy on my soul.

Got me some Blues!

i am depressed today. i think i might be pregnant. that would definitely be a shocking surprise. i've been nauseated alot and i went to make a ham sandwich the other day and the ham grossed me out and i puked. now i can't eat meat at all, i can't even look at it. i was like that when i was preggers with my 20 year old with eggs.

so i'm suddenly a vegatarian and worried that i'm preganant. i will test this sunday and if i am i am. i know bret will freak. it's not like i was trying to get pregnant. thank goodness the neighbor guy and i never had sex. i swear i would never be one of those woman that don't know who the father of her baby was.

maybe it's nerves or something. i'm so tired too. and i walk but i don't get any energy from it. i just need to remain calm. i'll test this sunday and next and if i'm still late, but the tests say i'm not pregnant, i go for my yearly woman doctor visit the end of october.

baby stuff is too cute tho.

Post Turkey Coma

Here's a thought, instead of giving hyper kids meds, just feeding them some turkey every day at breakfast or lunch. I tell ya, I did not over eat, for once, on thanksgiving, i stuck to veggies and turkey and i felt like i was falling into a frackin' coma about a 1/2 hour later.

i thought if i laid off the carbs it would be so tiring, but i was very very wrong. this year the bird was juicy, tender, and flavorful. the big disappointment was the pumpkin pie, i took a little slice it someone went a little crazy with spices. it was too spiced up.

but i got to see family, hug my neices, marvel at what young beautiful women they are becoming and just sit and chat about nothing and everything. there's always a funny moment somewhere in the day.

this past sunday i celebrated my 38th birthday with my side of the family. we had ham and i did not feel like i was slipping into a coma later. so it had to be the turkey. serve it up and feed it to the hyper!!!