Engaged But No Closer to Married

We got engaged Valentine's Day weekend. Cliché I know, but it is a funny story.
He made steak, shrimp, twice baked potatoes, baked asparagus, and for dessert there were chocolate covered strawberries.
Since he used the indoor grill he kept setting off the smoke alarm so the fired department came twice.
My daughter thought the 6'6" fireman was HOT!!!
The first time they came out he hadn't proposed yet.
The first time he proposed he did with a ring pop. It was cute! And the girls' had told me a real ring was coming later, so I was cool.
The second time the fire department came out he had proposed with the ring pop and they thought that was funny and sweet.

After dinner, he took me into his grandma's in-law suite to do the real proposal.
It was box inside a box deal, there were a total of 15 boxes.
I was getting tired of all the boxes, but each box had pictures and quotes from facebook from our relationship.
and he had a poem he got on-line that was geek love poem that he had me read.
The ring is an antique looking blue diamond accented with white diamonds and hearts on the side in white gold.
It's beautiful and it was a sweet well thought out proposal.
He said his Dad proposed to his Mom the same way.
I said Yes.

All the kids were there and they put the video on facebook.

We've been together 10 months now and we still have no wedding date set.
We wanted May 4th since it's international star wars day and I thought he could remember that as our anniversary;
But his 2nd wife won't sign the divorce papers.
It's getting ridiculous.
They've been separated since Dec 2011/Jan 2012.
She lives in a different state.
She has a live in boyfriend or something like that.

We've sent her the papers 4 times now.
She holds on to them for weeks, loses them, sends them back with "corrections".
He has no assets, no money, nothing for her to take.
I think she's just being a pain in his ass because she can be.
It's frustrating.

If we could move forward and start making wedding plans I think it would help with some of the kids' anxiety.
And help with some of his stress.
We've sent the papers back one more time and if she doesn't sign them this time we have to get and pay for an actual lawyer.

I'm getting just exhausted from all the ex wife drama!!!

an update that's long overdue

surgery went fine and i feel great.
it was a rough first 2 weeks after especially not being able to drive.
and if i pushed myself too far my body bitch slapped my right back.
the pain was tolerable, just like the worst period i'd ever had.
the doctor and nurses were amazed at how well i handled it all.
i was pretty surprised as well.
i didn't need the heavy drugs that much in the hospital.
i didn't touch the oxycodone she sent home with me.
i did you my tramadol and muscle relaxer some but not alot.
my shoulder got messed up from being on the couch so much and twisting to do the computer.

my dad helped a lot.
the kid did what she could.
i was walking the dog again by week 3.
but not for long walks.
she tugs and pulls way too much.
and i had to lie down as soon as we got back.
the dog caught on really quick that she had to stay off my stomach.

i am now back at work and life is back to normal minus my female cycle.
i do not miss it at all.
i have only had 2 migraines since.
one in the hospital cause they wouldn't let me take my medicine.
the doctor was called and said let her take her medicine.
i finally was allowed to take it but the migraine had started so they gave me pain pills.
i had another one the first month after when my period would have been due,
but it was mild and went away with the replax after an hour.

since then no more migraine (insert happy dance here)
i feel so much better.
i'm saving a fortune on female products.
i am sending out nearly $500 a month in medical payments.
but hopefully they will be paid off by the end of the year.
a few of the smaller ones are already paid off.
but surgery isn't cheap.

right now i'm stressed out between work and stuff in the house breaking.
garbage disposal, air conditioner needs a new coil, dish washer isn't draining
at work the company is struggling and i had to take a pay cut
and then i have all these medical bills that i am paying
so i have gotten depressed so i've been getting colds and allergies and sinus infections
i'm sleeping a lot and not doing well controlling my type 2 diabetes
which sucks
but i'm trying to pull out of it and do better
i just have to do better

Diabetes and Me

Well, it has finally happened, I was diagnosed with Diabetes.
Sugar and I have to break up.
This will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do.
I don't need medicine or shots.
And I plan to keep it that way.

I also was prescribed medicine to help with my anxiety, mood swings, and sleep problems.
I haven't had a restful night's sleep in months.
I feel like an Alien living in my own body at times.
I drop things. I can't form sentences. I can't think of simple words.
I get confused. I zone out. I take twice as long to complete anything.

I'm surrounded by stress.
Work is stressful.
Buying a house is financially stressful.
My kid is stressful.
My coping skills have been tapped out.
I feel like I'm being attacked from all sides.
I even feel like Sophie the Puggle has been too demanding lately.

I have no patience.
I just want to curl in a ball in my room and never come out.
I've gained 25 pounds since March.
I have been eating sweets, carbs, and fatty foods because they comfort me.
And now I have to pull my head out of my ass and knock it off.
I don't have a death wish, but at times I realize I am eating myself to death.

The kid and I have given up pop.
She drank regular and I can tell she has lost weight.
I drank diet and I haven't lost a pound.
I do notice I don't crave sweets as much.

I can get control of my eating.
I ordered a diabetic food tracker and signed up for an on-line diabetes management site.
I think I'm going to try and find a class to take in Jan. after all the moving has settled down.
I close on the house Thursday.
Then I will spend weeks moving and unpacking and cleaning.
I can do this. I just have to keep reminding myself I can do this.

In Process

wow, buying a house is a pain in the house.
we had the inspection yesterday, radon was high, we can have that fixed after we close because there's a fix close on it from the seller.
and there a few little things to get fixed.
all the loan paperwork is in and goes to the underwriter on monday.
i hope we close the week of august 19th.
took a lot of pictures during the inspection yesterday.
i was starting to forget what the house looked like.
i got to keep packing and getting ready to move.

i'm excited but cautious at the same time.
until we close i'm going to be worried something will go wrong.
i worry about the littlest stuff all the time.
i can't help that it is how i've always been wired.

my current place is full of filled boxes.
i keep tripping over stuff.
my kid wants to buy stuff and i keep telling her to wait until we move.
i don't want to buy stuff and just have to move it to the new place.
she's got osu class starting the end of august as well.
she wants to get her books and parking pass and stuff.
i told her we have to wait.
i'm not made out of money.
she has a job.
she needs to buy those things with her cash not mine.

fencing the yard will be around 5K.
we will have to start saving for that.
i hope to be able to fence by March/April.
but at least we can extend sophie's runner all the way out.
it is folded in half now.
so she will be able to explore most of her new territory.
so much to do!!!
i'm major stress filled anxiety warped and freaked out!

It's About the Choices

Our quality of life is all about the choices we make. I feel grateful and blessed to live in a country where you can fuck your life up as much as you want as long as you keep to yourself and don't take anyone else's life in the process.

It is amazing how certain words stick to you. They strike a chord within you and they linger in your subconscious at the oddest times. I remember sitting in church when the speaker, who i was ignoring, got my attention, when he said, "marriage vows say in sickness and health and for better or worse, for better or worse, who you marry changes your life either for the better or the worse, think about that!" i had never really thought about marriage that way, of course it's a choice to marry someone but do you really think about the better or worse part until the worse part comes?! i know i sure as hell didn't.

today as i contemplate a choice, i think back to those words, no i haven't been proposed to; this is more career related, but even jobs can make your life better or worse. i had one job stress me out to the point i had to be checked for ulcers. i was cracking under the pressure to be a perfect working machine, 24/7. i couldn't handle the stress. that job changed my life for the worse and the money, the perks, the benefits didn't make that stress and my sliding health any better, i got better when i got laid off, it was a relief.

this new opportunity has pro's and it has con's.
more money, pro
longer commute, con
work every day in the office, con
learn a new skill set, pro
stable company, pro
bonuses and benefits, pro
more pressure to perform, con

i'm torn... i have to look at this opportunity and for once decide yeah or nay, because usually i take a job because i have to, i've been laid off a lot the past 6 years and i want to be more proactive this time.

i have to keep asking myself will this job make my quality of life better or worse?