Saying Goodbye to a Good Man, Dadaw

It's always hard to say good bye. It seems even more difficult when you are saying good bye to the last of a generation.
The kid's great grandpa, her Dadaw, past away at 85.
There's only one other great grandparent left.

Dadaw was a good man.
He grew up in a different time.
His childhood home had no electricity, running water, internet, or appliances.
The kid would DIE if our house was missing any of those.
It was amazing to see all of his kids, grand kids, great grand kids and great great grand kids gathered together.
He truly was a blessed man.

He was quiet, dignified, kind, thoughtful, and when he said something he meant it.
It's hard to find people like that anymore.
He never rushed or hurried.
He really took his time to do things.
He was patient with everyone, especially his grand kids.

The last few years he had begun to suffer from Alzheimer's and was having trouble remember all the grand kids especially.
He had fallen and broken his hip and had to go into a home to rehab.
I just don't think he was able to recover from that.
The kid works in a nursing home/rehab facility and she sees elderly people go downhill quickly everyday.
She was so upset, she'd just gone down to visit for the 4th of July and hadn't stopped in to see him.
Everyone told her he wouldn't have recognized her, but she still wishes she had seen him.
They said he was doing fine and would be out in a few weeks instead she came home on Sunday and he died on Tuesday.

I told her she has to let go of that regret.
I know I have that with them Mom.
It bothers me to this day that I came home from the hospital.
You just don't know when people are going to die.
You can't guilt yourself over things like that, it's pointless guilt.
I told her to forgive herself.
Dadaw knew she loved him, just as she knows Dadaw loved her.

His love for his kids and grand kids was never in doubt.
He was so proud of all of them.

Yes, it is always the most difficult to say good bye to a good man.
We miss you Dadaw!

Monday RAW Adventure

So excited, me and the kid, are heading to Monday night RAW this coming Monday.
Yes, i watch wrestling and i like it ALOT!!!!
It isn't reality t.v. and it isn't so scripted that i have to give it a ton of thought either.
and it isn't UFC or MMA where there's real blood and guts all the time.
It's enough cheesy and physical that it meets my happy medium of mind numbing entertainment.
I go to enjoy it.

I go to forget that i got a pay cut last year that wiped out my last 6 years of raises.
I go to yell and scream and act goofy.
I go to look at the man candy.
I go to forget that most of the time my life is exceptionally boring.
I don't do much in the way of entertainment.
I seldom go out.

I'm going to start working on paying down my debt.
I'm going to focus on credit cards, there's only 2 so that I want done in 6 months.
Then i'm going to work on the car.
After the car is paid off I'm going to hit my last student loan.
Then my kid's car and student loans.
I'm hoping within 2-3 years with the exception of the home and of course our monthly bills like electricity to be debt free.

so entertainment will be scarce.
i have enough scrapbooking stuff to keep me busy for ages.
plus, now with scripture study class and church activities which are free that should be keeping me busy.
but i do love seeing the super hero movies on the big screen.
you really can't be that, the big ultimate screen with the surround sounds are awesome, but i really want to be debt free.
student loans for my daughter are already near $50K and she just informed me she wants to get her masters.
ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm so proud, i'm so proud, i am so proud!

but it so expensive.

so if i can start paying on them now and maybe by the time she gets that masters she will owe little to none on it that would be awesome.
now i know why God only blessed me with one child.
i do so much for her and i would do that for all my children i would need millions to raise more than one, lol.

we are blessed.

we have everything we need and most of what we want.

not that we have expensive taste. i get so excited when i buy a book. really i do. i'm such a geek.

i'll be the woman on raw with a roman reigns rocks sign and on the back it will say Hi Dad it's SIS!!!

The Winter of Sickness

It's been awhile.

I got sick around my birthday.
I spent turning 40 with an ear and sinus infections and bronchitis.
A week later it got worse and I was diagnosed with walking pneumonia.
I spent December in a haze of codiene cough syrup, antibiotics, and nyquil!
I am still coughing but not as much.
It's day 9 of the new year and I've had two migraines already.
I don't have an immune system, it went on holiday and hasn't returned yet!

The worst part was having zero energy!
I didn't even work up enough to go down to my Dad's at Christmas.
I did go and get him for my birthday and he stayed for 3 days, but I was sick the whole time.

I fought through it and we went bowling and then the bookstore.
We are such geeks. My dad, daughter and I spent nearly 2 hours in the bookstore.
We all love to read. I bought several books for me and dad.
I got one more that I haven't started from that batch.

It'll have to wait until I finish C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity.
If you have not heard of his books on Christianity and you are a logical person;
I'd highly recommend it.
He is very logical in laying out Christian concepts.
I read these books very slowly and highlight a lot of things.
I find it enlightening, but I'm a huge GEEK!!!

My favorite Christmas present I bought after it was over and on sale.
One of those one cup coffee makers.
I don't drink coffee, so we've been making teas and cocoa's on it.
Me and kid love it.
We are experimenting with different flavors and bought new mugs with our initials on them.

This year's goals -
Be a blessing to everyone I know and meet!
Buy a home!
Be healthy in heart, soul and body!

I'm not ambitious at all this year!

I hope you all had a great holiday and new year!
Blessings to you all!

Blessed

i feel so blessed these past two months because he came into my life.
i never thought i could love so deeply and completely.
he loves me and respects me and trusts me.
it is so satisfying to be giving my love to a man that appreciates me.
all my past hardships and heartache are a lesson learned so i can love him better.

he is amazing.
he is full of energy.
he is full of life.
he is my happy thought.

i know it's silly and girlish to giggle when i think about him,
but i feel high on this love we have.
i'm blessed to have him.
i'm blessed to love him.
i'm blessed to be in his life.

i remember what it was like before him, i was sad.
i was lonely.
i was depressed.
i was being used.
i was letting myself be used.

now i'm in a good relationship.
we are balanced with each other.
i can't wait to meet his boys.
i can't wait to have his baby.
life is so good right now!

of course, i wonder if he's too good to be true.
he wonders the exact same thing about me.
i'm trying to forget about fear and doubt,
i opened my heart to him and we are right together.
my puzzle is completed.
my love is being returned.

the other day i helped him sort receipts at his work.
i helped him and took a small task so he could do other things.
we laughed. we talked. we enjoyed being in each other's company.
there was no time for sex.
we shared a few kisses.
and i felt happy, so happy, just to be near him.

he's become my best friend and i love him!

An Uneventful Christmas

i hope everyone had a merry christmas out there in internet land.
my christmas was uneventful.
scott left a snowflake necklace on my porch christmas eve.
it is very pretty but i can't wear necklaces well, i have a thick neck.
so i hung it from my rearview mirror.
i gave a few of my neighbors some anchor shot glasses.
they all seemed to like them.

we got new movies, a new wii game, i got meemaw's perfume, windsong.
as soon as i sprayed it, it was like she had never left.
that's a perfume i would have never guessed at, thankfully, she told her friend what she wore.
it does smell so good.
i keep spraying it so i can think of her.

i spent christmas day eating snickers and drinking alcohol.
it was merry.
only burger king was open so i got dinner from there.
today is all about cleaning.
and walking my laps.
sophie the puggle loves her christmas toys.
there's a squeaky purple bear that she is dragging everywhere.

my kid is spending the week down at her dad's family.
she always has a good time with them.
i'm glad she's close to his family.
at times i wish i had more kids when i was younger.
she's so spoiled a sibling close to her age wouldn't have hurt her.

jan. and feb. are hard for me.
mom died one month after christmas in 1996.
then her and dad's wedding anniversary is feb 10th
and her birthday is feb. 17th.
my thoughts stray to her alot this time of year.
she so loved everything about christmas.
she grew up so poor they never had anything.
i know i'm blessed and lucky.
i have everything i need and even though there are things i want
they are the things you can't buy, like love, attention, time with the one i care about.

so i think my priorities are clear.
God bless you all.
Happy Holidays!!!