The Cough Continues....

Bronchitis is the bitch that won't leave me alone!
I finished my antibiotics and my coughing fits are getting further apart but they are more intense.
I just can't shake them.

Now when I cough it is so intense I get light headed and I see dots and swirls of light around me.
I have lean against the closet firm object, like a wall or desk to keep from falling over.
I have to find water and a cough drop once the coughing dies down to keep it from stoping.
My kid is sick again and I told her if she passes this back to me I'm going to hurt her and I mean it!!!!!
I have been sick non-stop for the past 3 weeks and I'm exhausted.
I haven't been able to do anything, working out is impossible because I can't breathe.

I'm going to start on the exercise bike tonight and I haven't been on it since 2/12.
This is going to hurt!
I figure I'll peddle for 5 minutes, stretch, do 5 minutes more, stretch, and then do 10 minutes, stretch, and then 15 minutes.
That will get my 30 minutes in, but I know my legs and lungs will be burning!
But the doctor told me not to exercise with bronchitis.
So I listened to her but now I've finished the antibiotics almost a week ago and I feel much better so it is time to get back on it.
I just hope it doesn't trigger a stupid coughing fit, they are awful now and nothing comes up anymore.
It is almost like my lungs just seizing up because they got used to it over the past couple of weeks.
This brutally cold air hasn't helped.

I'm so ready for warmer temperatures.
No matter how I cover my mouth and nose I can't stop breathing in the cold air.
And I can't avoid going outside, I go to work, the dog wants walked, and the air is so cold.
I love winter, but I love to look at it more than I love to be in it anymore.
The chill just makes me sick all the time now.
My bones hurt along with the rest of me.
I know I'm getting old now.

The Common Cold

i have a cold, so very common of me, i know.
i feel like my body is being attacked.
my little immune system tries to defend, but i'm not yet on the mend.
i feel detached and sedated, but i'm not medicated.
i worry if i don't eat that i'll waste away.

i have a sore throat.
i have a nasty cough.
i have aches and pains.
i have a stuffy nose.
no headache, that's new.
no fever too.

just a laundry list of hacking and achoo's.
this cold has made me blue.
i don't know what to do.
orange juice is my new best friend.
i'd really love a popsicle too.
i sit in silence zoned out in illness' space.
a look of abandonment rest upon my face.
i wish i could sleep more then an hour or two.

i have no idea why i'm trying to make all of this rhyme.
i don't even have two dimes.
all i want to do is sleep and dream of fine dining,
but all i can stomach is toast and frozen pineapple.
this cause is lost!
i am being held hostage by the common cold and i want my freedom!!!

Sick and Cranky

i've lost five pounds since my last post.
i'm averaging about a pound a day and that's while i'm on my period.
it isn't easy to break myself of my lazy ways.
i've been fantasizing about covering myself in chocolate syrup and letting a certain male lick it off,
then i cover him and do the same.
sweet, sweet, dreams they are indeed.

but i stick to the plan i created for myself.
it doesn't help that i'm sick again.
this stupid cold i caught from a neighbor has taken up residency in my head.
i think now i have a sinus and/or ear infection.
so i need to get into the doctor this week.

i take my vitamins.
i'm eating healthy foods.
i'm exercising.
but i get sick so easily.
i catch any little thing i'm exposed to.
all my neighbor did was lean in and talk to me.

i think i'm going to have to start wearing one of those surgical masks.
or put myself in bubble.
i wonder how expensive bubbles are.
the bubble would never work, sophie the puggle would think i'm her new dog toy.
i see many issues with that situation.

i'm just trying to live my life the best way i can.
but i can't do anything right.
i fail at everything i try.

i fail in relationships.
i fail at sex.
i fail at getting healthy.
i fail at being a good mom.
i fail at saving money.
i fail at supporting myself.
i am a BIG FAT FAILURE!!!!

sickness makes me cranky!

A Sad Cold Rain

it is a dreary day, a sad cold rain is falling.
of course, the rain can't really be sad, i'm the sad one.
i shouldn't be surprised that i can't shake this depression.
yesterday it was the 16th anniversary of my mom's death.

i was doing okay until jodi posted on facebook she was thinking of me and mom.
i couldn't concentrate on anything after that.
i miss her.
i try to remember the good times, but so much of my emotional damage comes from my relationship with my mother.

the whole reason i went into computers is because she didn't know anything about them,
so she couldn't constantly correct me.
she overtook anything i did that she knew how to do because i wasn't doing it right.
she could be my biggest cheerleader and my cruelest critic.
i guess she was only doing what her mother did to her.
she could never please grandma lois.
i know my mom loved me, but i wish she could've been less critical of me.

whenever i pick myself apart, whenever i fill up with doubt,
it was always her voice in my head when i was younger.
the 16 years has made her voice go away.
i can't even remember what she sounded like without watching a video.
but now it is my voice in my head that has replaced hers.
and i think that's a very bad thing.

i love my mom.
i miss my mom.
even my shrink said i never had a chance to resolve my issues with mom,
so i'm letting myself be haunted by what if's and maybe's.
isn't funny how i tear myself apart and put myself down
all because i think she wouldn't be proud of me today.
i have no idea how'd she feel about me and my life today.
it's all in my head, it's always been all in my head.
and it is always my fault!

The common cold

i've lost 5.5 pounds in the past six days thanks to the common cold.
i sleep then i sleep some more.
i've been eating chicken noodle soup and that's about it.
so now i'm back down to my pre-birthday pig out weight.
not the best way to accomplish it but very effective.
i still am sick, but feel much better.

i will be able to take my first pregnancy test sunday.
i got my fingers crossed that it's positive.
i've been very careful with the cold medicine i've been taking.
i don't want to hurt a baby if i'm with child.
even though robitussin and tylenol haven't helped at all.

today i got to run to the store.
there's no food in the house.
i got to get a few things.
my kid is back from school for 3 weeks on saturday.
we are going to drive each other crazy.
i know it's a short trip to drive me off the rails of the crazy train, but she knows my buttons and she pushes them with glee!

scott has been flirty.
somehow i think we are going to start having sex again.
i guess he really can't keep it in his pants.
thank God for that horny bastard!!!
he's coming over today and possibly tomorrow.
so if i'm not pregnant, he's still a viable baby sperm donation specialist.

i tired to eat oatmeal for breakfast.
it is just nasty.
i don't like oatmeal.
not even in cookies.
it's like jello or yogurt.
i don't care how healthy it is for me, i don't like it, yuck!!!
so the dog ate most of it and she enjoyed that!

Loser nearly busted

last night ...
i'm such a dork!
i've got a head cold and i feel like shit!
fever, sore throat, sneezing, coughing, headache from hell!!!
so i'm sleeping alot and trying to keep hydrated.
i'm in a foul mood.
but Sophie the Puggle still must be walked.

so i'm in my pj's, dr. pepper pants and a nightgown, both are now 3 sizes too big.
i throw on a jacket 2 sizes too big and slip on shoes.
i'm walking and i see scott's car.
i think, he's such a loser.
so what do i do, i write loser on the trunk of the car with my finger in the dirt.
two seconds later, he pulls in, in the bunny's car, and honks at me.
i'm like shit, he's going to know that's me.
so he's putting trash in the car to go to the dumpster.

i circle around and when he goes around the corner i run back up to the car
and wipe the loser off of the car!
i don't know what got into me.
it was very immature, but i can be immature.
so i start walking back the regular path and he pulls over to talk to me.
i tell scott i'm sick.
he has hiccups.
he had a beer, he doesn't like beer.
he throws sophie his water bottle (she loves water bottles)
i jokingly cough in his direction and tell him i'm just sharing like a good neighbor.
he drives off and i come home.

i really need to suppress my childish urges.
but when i'm sick i'm more puckish.
my neck is really sore too.
i put icy hot on it after an ice pack didn't work.
i slept 12 hours and woke up still feeling like crap.
but the show must go on.
work is slow so hopefully i won't have to fire up to many neurons today.

medicated

well, nothing is infected, YET! but my throat is all red and irritated. doc gave me an anti-depressant that should help with my pain and sleep and depression. i think that's alot to expect of one medication. doc says if not better in 2-3 weeks then to come back in. my blood work showed improvements in my chlosterol and tryglcerides, but my vitamin D was low. so the doc gave me a vitamin d prescription as well. i have to take 1 vitamin d pill once a week for 12 weeks then go have blood drawn to see if it's working.

everyone is telling me just go out in the sun more, uh, what sun????
this winter has been dark, dreary, and mostly sunless. and march has been no better, we had snow on the ground friday, yesterday was cloudy, and today is cold and cloudy. i'd go out and get some sun if i ever saw any.

i am so ready for summer, but then i'll complain it's too hot!
i'm never happy with what i got.

spring brings me headaches

my head has been aching since sunday. i think i gotta call the doc today and see if it's
A - a cold
B - another sinus infection (that would make 2 since Jan.)
C - an ear infection
D - allergies

the right side of my head over my eye, around my ear and down into my jaw and neck have been killing me. i've tried every non prescription pain reliever known to human kind since sunday and none work. i took claritin this morning in a final attempt to see if it's an allergy, but it hasn't worked.

i can't remember a time in my life when i did not get headaches!
migrains, tension headaches, flu, cold, sinus, allergies, etc...
if there's a headache to be gotten i get it and i just don't think that's fair. i have a friend that says she only gets a headache when she has a cold or the flu. i was jealous.

i tracked once how often i got a headaches in the course of a month, i had some sort of headache 26 out of 30 days that month!!! I've been cat scanned, MRI'd, etc... I'm told there is nothing wrong with my brain. but it hurts more often then not. I just need a brain transfer! Sign me up to be first in line for that medical experiment.