for once i am wishing it was monday already

scott said monday he's coming down and staying awhile. he has frustrations to work out.
him and me both!!! i saw him alot today and it killed me not to be able to touch him.
i just wanted to stroke his goatee and kiss is bald head, but i couldn't.
his son gave me a hug and was playing with sophie the puggle.
sophie loves the kids and they were out in full force today.

i had a very boring tedious frustrating week.
the kid keeps whining about the car, she can't get the stick thing down.
she keeps stalling out, it took her a 1/2 hour to get the car into reverse.
scott is willing to switch out the manual for the jeep he has which is an automatic,
but it's more money and he wants me to pay for all the title switching.
i told the kid to drive it home wednesday and we'd talk it over.
she says she's concerned for her saftey.

thursday after work i had a drink or 10 down at the other neighbor who was always wanting to touch my boobs.
i made a pass at him, i was really agressive, the more he turned me down the more i drank.
he wouldn't even kiss me, seriously, all i got was a bible brochure for the jehovah witness'
he's trying to get right with God. that's cool.

it's not the most creative excuse i've gotten from a man turning me down for sex,
my fave was i think i'm gay, then the very next year he married another woman.
why can't guys just say i don't want to have sex with you because your fat and ugly.

i felt so rejected, i called his bluff and he didn't even nibble.
and i showed him my boobies again.
i said look at them, why did you think they looked like gum drops?
he said, well now that i see them really well they're better then gum drops.
i laughed and laughed.

i came home and puked.
i passed out for 4 hours then woke up after midnight.
i couldn't get back to sleep so i signed into work around 3AM.
by the time i went to the ob/gyn at 9 i had work almost a whole day.
so friday i took it easy and rested then worked 2 - 4.

if scott doesn't show up monday i'm going to be so pissed off.
i have to pee on a little stick every morning to see if i'm ovulating.
then i have to have sex within 24-36 hours after the stick is positive.
if i don't ovulate in a month or by my next period i have to go back to the doctor
and she's going to put me on a pill that will cause me to ovulate.
it's a fertility drug, i told her i don't want to be an octomom, just one or two is cool.
she said the chance for twins does increase, but triplets are rare.
so i hope i am still ovulating.

i bought the cutest little pair of baby booties.
they are green and yellow striped with little yellow duckies on them.
i kiss them then rub them on my belly.
i have no idea why i do that, i'm hoping it'll bring me luck.
i like the name jack samuel for a boy.
i like the name savannah colleen for a girl.
it's all on scott, he's the one that's going to knock me up, i just know it.

No Joy to the Season anymore

I tell ya Christmas without little children to help celebrate it is just about as exciting as watching grass grow. Seriously, me and my 19 year old, already knew everything we were getting, tho, I did manage 1 little surprise. We've already opened everything and life has moved on. There's no joy in Christmas without a young child's thrill, awe, and excitement for the holiday. I miss the Christmas' when my kid was like 11 and under. Before the reality of no santa sunk in and it became about what she was getting more then the joy of the giving itself.

I guess someday, not soon or even in the next 5 years, when I have a grandchild (cuz isn't 1 always enough) the joy of Christmas will come back to me. I look forward to it.

Santa Claus, IN rocks if you have young kids, google it!!!

Reality Check

We are just friends with those yummy benefits.
That is all we will ever be.
You think I'm passive, I'm just different with you, because I wanted you to like me, so I toned it down.
But I do that when I really want a man to want me.
If I have him wrapped around my finger I'm a dominant bitch, but some men like that, unfortunately, that bores the shit out of me.

So, while I get to enjoy the benefits, I need to look for a man locally, to actually have a long term relationship with. I ain't getting any younger. And I am not going to change. I need attention!
I like having someone ask me how my day went and listening to me or pretending to listen to me.

Like I pretend to listen to him now, even though I could care less about the video game or listen to the same story for the 4th time.
My memory is bad, but usually if you tell me a store 2 or so times, it starts to stick. I hate saying I've heard this before, but really I have.

And sometimes he just doesn't let me talk at all. And when I start to say something he just keeps going. And even worse, he doesn't let me finish what I was saying, so I end up blurting out the most outrageous thing I can think of just to get him to stop talking and go what was that.
Don't get me wrong, I like him, I think he's smart, funny, but he's really starting to bore me.

This happens to me with every guy I ever like. I get to know them and then they aren't that interesting. It's not so bad with him, but I'm a realist at my core and no matter how many pretty pictures I try to paint in my mind about loving him and living with him, they all end badly. I just am not made for a long term relationship, and I want one so badly, like a kid who wants a panther for christmas.

I can blame being bi-polar or blame the borderline personality disorder, but I think I'm just a lazy person and trying to build a relationship with someone, even a friendship, is just too exhausting. He thinks I'm agressive in the bedroom, and I am, because, frankly, when we are fucking, he's not talking and neither am I and it's a nice break!

Oh My, Oh Dear, Life is full of Fear!

gab is 19 and had to have dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets which she then pretended to have them eat each other before she ate them.

sophie bit gab's hand trying to take her own bite out of the dino-nuggets. bad puppy!

i'm taking my dad to the columbus zoo for father's day. i'll try not to leave him with the gorilla's even tho i think they are more closely related then people think. i personally prefer the manatee's.

it's hot. not as hot as TN nor as humid, but i have no air conditioning in the car and haven't for 4 years now. i'm going to have to break down and get a newer car or the car will just break down and leave me no choice. i think the latter will be the first thing to happen, unless i win the lottery soon. that's my retirement plan, the lottery, hit the big jackpot and spend it like a fool.

this is all my life is... wake up, shower, take med, go to work, eat breakfast, work, attempt to work, give up on work, go to lunch, work, get frustrated and want to punch the computer, work, then come home, walk the dog, take med, eat dinner, check facebook (no one misses me) check email (no one needs me) blog (no one reads these) watch TV, shower, drink straight from the nyquil bottle, brush my teeth, let the dog out to potty one last time and go to bed. repeat every boring frackin' day of my life.

Monochromatic

I got to work and noticed that from my boots to my roots I was totally dressed in shades of beige. I wrote a whole poem about it. I was totally bland today. I stayed busy. I stayed focused. It was a good solid non-eventful day.

Awesome!!!

Another Boring Weekend!

I have one more boring weekend to get through until next week when my kid comes home from college. There's cleaning to do and more cleaning to do. I honestly wish things could just stay clean. I really do hate housework. I can't afford to hire someone and I loathe the tasks. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, picking up, folding, putting away, taking out trash, dusting, scooping the litter box and it's just like the instructions on the back of a shampoo bottle, rinse and repeat... I don't like the repeat part.

I buy paper plates, plastic utensils, and anything that I can throw away rather then having to keep it and wash it. I'd rather fill the landfill and rot the planet then do dishes. Does that make me a bad person? Or just extremely lazy? And is being lazy bad?