My Life Changed Last Night

Last night my whole future changed with one question, Are you falling for me?
I was terrified to answer him.
He wanted complete honesty.
My friend was like you are falling for him.
Maybe it's because she forced me to face the truth,
Maybe it's because it was via text and not face to face,
but i responded honestly, yes, i'm falling for you.

my heart is the optimist in this body.
he asked if i had been trying to tell him that in my texts the last couple of days,
because i was using the word love a lot when i responded to him.
i did not realize i had been doing that.
i would chant in my mind two adults having fun over and over all the time.
any time he would be sweet or take my breath away i would say the chant.

so it was my turn.
the L word was out.
i asked him, are you falling for me.
it seemed to take ages for him to respond.
i was nervous and anxious and scared.
i knew there could be a chance the answer would be no.
he said he was falling for me, but he wasn't in love yet.
but every day he falls deeper into me.
i did a happy dance all around the room.

Love is the most powerful drug in the world.
it can make you higher then heaven when it is right
and feel lower then hell when it is wrong.
i feel like for the first time this is right.
i don't have any doubts.
he's awesome.
he's amazing.
he's smart.
he's funny.
he's ambitious.
he's perfect for me.

he even said he wants me to have his baby for real.
i can't take any pills to help.
it has to be all natural.
i haven't been ovulating.
and this morning, i pee on the ovulation predictor kit and it is positive.
God answers my prayers.
i get a good man and a baby.

i hope i get to spend the rest of my life showing him how much i appreciate him and love him.
the rest of my life started with him last night!

Time for some solitude

i'm peopled out!

why when i ask for the truth i get fed lies.
it's making me constipated with deceit.
scott said jackie said something to him about us.
so scott is mad at me and has cut me off.
not a huge loss since the sex was not good, but still it was sex.
scott and i talked quite a bit when we were switching out the car titles.
now i'm $400 short on rent, but i'm not stressed.
i was thinking we were doing this next weekend, but i guess not.

i asked jackie.
he calls me stupid, like buying the jeep was stupid.
jackie's mad about me because i asked cindy if she told jackie about me and scott.
not a huge loss there either since jackie is a schmuck.

me and my mouth are taking a vacation.
i don't go back to work until thursday.
the kid goes back to school this afternoon.
i have no reason to speak to anyone after that until thursday.
i'm going to bask in the bliss of my solitude.

it's raining all day today.
i did a 1/2 hour of exercise on the wii.
i'm watching my browns play at 1.
then the kid goes to the dorms and i go on mute.
unless it is a child or saying hi there's no need for me to chit chat.
i was being too social, it does NOT come naturally to me.

i am socially inapt, akward and i can't keep a secret.
now the whole apartment complex knows that.
at least i have bret to look forward on tuesday night.
maybe i will get an orgasim, maybe not.
i don't want to pressure him for sex.
he's got enough pressue on him with the court date.
i don't know what he's going to do if he doesn't get custody.