Time for some solitude

i'm peopled out!

why when i ask for the truth i get fed lies.
it's making me constipated with deceit.
scott said jackie said something to him about us.
so scott is mad at me and has cut me off.
not a huge loss since the sex was not good, but still it was sex.
scott and i talked quite a bit when we were switching out the car titles.
now i'm $400 short on rent, but i'm not stressed.
i was thinking we were doing this next weekend, but i guess not.

i asked jackie.
he calls me stupid, like buying the jeep was stupid.
jackie's mad about me because i asked cindy if she told jackie about me and scott.
not a huge loss there either since jackie is a schmuck.

me and my mouth are taking a vacation.
i don't go back to work until thursday.
the kid goes back to school this afternoon.
i have no reason to speak to anyone after that until thursday.
i'm going to bask in the bliss of my solitude.

it's raining all day today.
i did a 1/2 hour of exercise on the wii.
i'm watching my browns play at 1.
then the kid goes to the dorms and i go on mute.
unless it is a child or saying hi there's no need for me to chit chat.
i was being too social, it does NOT come naturally to me.

i am socially inapt, akward and i can't keep a secret.
now the whole apartment complex knows that.
at least i have bret to look forward on tuesday night.
maybe i will get an orgasim, maybe not.
i don't want to pressure him for sex.
he's got enough pressue on him with the court date.
i don't know what he's going to do if he doesn't get custody.

Another Confusing Day

men confuse me. the neighbor wanted to talk to me, he wants to explain things. and his little bunny has moved in with him. so he says he's heading down to talk to me around noon, it's going on 4pm and he never showed. and his little bunny is now home. he says he got caught up in work stuff. i said, whatever, he did not like that answer. i don't know what he wants from me. i think bret had it right, it is human nature, especially mine, to want what i can't have. at least i'm having sex with bret. the neighbor is just a big ole tease!!!

my head hurts. i hate sinus headaches. i had chinese food. i watched my portions, and i have leftovers for 3 days now! but now i feel like i need to walk 5 more miles. i did walk 3 miles today. so i did good. if tomorrow is a nice morning, i'll take sophie to the dog park and do 3 laps, aka miles. and then do 3 here around the parking lot for a 6 mile day.

the walking helps clear my head and lifts my spirits. i just wish my sex drive would calm down. or that bret lived closer so he and i could have sex more often. he's depressed over his custody situation. i'm depressed over my whole lonely existence. bret was very clear that we are just friends. there will be no talking every day on the phone. no long distance relationship, he has a life and he has to live it. i'm so sick of him telling me what to do. and he doesn't even think he's telling me what to do.

i should have known that nothing would change with him. now if i can just get this knot out of my stomach that the neighbor gives me every time he looks at me i'd be doing swell.

i love men so much i hate them, every single fucking one of them, even the gay ones!

the naughty neighbor

wow, that makes 3 neighbors that want in my pants. i almost let this one in. he's my type. dag nab it. and i'm trying to behave myself.

he needed a towel and he lives up toward the front, but he's back here working on his boat, so i said i'll get ya a towel, and invited him and he mentioned he was interested in getting a 3 bedroom and i said you want a tour and he's like sure.

so we go upstairs and i'm showing him the bedrooms, the bathrooms, etc.. the master bedroom is very large and he just lays on my bed and goes this is nice. wow, i got very tongue tied and i couldn't stop just laughing. i am think, is he married, single, what? i see this blonde with him all the time. i don't want drama where i live. so we are laying on the bed.

he asks me if i'm nervous and i'm like yes and he's like i know i could tell, your heart is racing. he's like you can stop this. so i weighed my options and got off the bed. i'm so proud of myself, cuz it was tempting!!!
but he had told me he has 7 kids by 6 women.

wow, he's smooth. and cute. i mentioned how the other neighbor liked me and i wasn't interested and he said what's different about me, and i said i think you're cute and he said i think you are too. i said i figured you like me. most men don't wrap themselves around you if they aren't liking ya.

okay, shannon, just calm down, don't over think this. don't over spin it. it was no big deal. just keep chill on it. we are not going to start screwing the neighbor guy. we are not, we are not, we are not!!!