Die Monday Die!!!

today sucked!!! this monday was nothing but disappointment, bad news, problems, errors, and just bullshit!!!

bret's court date got cancelled, so i won't see him this week at all :(
he sounded super bummed too, he really just wants to get back to living his life with him and his daughter,
his custody battle has been going on since jan.
no wonder people take justice into their own hands, our court system moves way too slow!!!
i was so looking forward to seeing him and getting laid!
i'm selfish i know.
i want him to get what he wants too.
i still care about him alot and i only want goodness and happiness in his life.

i have to work saturday, so i can't go to my baby cousins 5th birthday party again.
my jewish co-worker seems to only be jewish when she gets the day off.
it is her turn to work the weekend, but it's the holiest of holy days for the jewish faith and there's no work.
lovely! i have to work christian holidays if that's what is required of my job.
i'm sick of having to work around her religon, she doesn't work around mine!
she eats bacon for God's sake!!!
and didn't even know if the kid she adopted was automatically jewish or had to be converted!
work is frustrating to me right now.
that is what happens when everything is due all at the same time!

then there's jackie, the perv neighbor that keeps wanting to touch my boobies.
i was all wound up friday thinking scott (the naughty neighbor) and i were finally going to have sex
and i flashed jackie, i had on no bra.
he said my boobs looked like GUM DROPS!!!
then he wanted me to show them to his roommate and kept talking about them to his roommate.
his roommate says he's never heard him talk about boobies like that before.
i know i can't keep a secret, but i thought a man could, sheesh!
he's cut off!!!!

so scott (the naughty neighbor) shows up thursday, we have our usual make out, grab ass fest,
then he says he's coming down friday to fuck me hard.
he doesn't show...AGAIN!!!
so sick of that man getting me all wound up and then nothing, nada, zip, zero, zilch!!!!
he tells me sunday that he had to work late.
i was like it happens.
i really don't care anymore.
the next time he comes around i'm just going to go NO, sorry, not interested.
unless he touches me then i cannot tell him no.
damn it!!!

i need to pull my head out my ass and start seriously applying myself to finding a long term exclusive relationship with a good man.
easy right!!!

menopause sounds really good right now

so i thought my period was done, after 15 days, but no. it started back up again this morning. if i could press a button on my body to start menopause, i'd so do it!!!

my back flipping aches, cramps are still raging, this just sucks! i called the doctor's office and wanted to make an appointment to have this checked out, but no, i have to talk to the nurse line first and it's a machine. and maybe, it's all my fracking pms'ing, but i was in no mood to tell a machine i'm having the period from hell.

i want to cry. i'm starting to think this period will not end. today i have some fun things to do, but i'll have to keep running to the bathroom to change my stupid pads out.

i guess if i'm still bleeding to death on monday i'll try the doctor again, maybe i won't want to scream into the phone when i get a machine. i know i'm being unreasonable, but it's not like i can control it. and that's my biggest problem, the more things out of my control the more i get upset. i have some serious issues, duh!!!

maybe if i take that neighbor up on his offer, sex will stop my period, it's not like he can knock me up right now.

i fell down

wow, i was hoping one day i'd outgrow my accident prone clumsy self. but i guess not. 5am today i got up, went potty, brought the dog downstairs so she could do the same, and when i stepped out onto the patio to pick up her leash, while i was holding her by the collar, i tripped over my own foot and fell HARD!!!!

The dog ran off. I landed on the my right knee and elbow, rolled and ended up on by back near the grass with my feet in the dirt on the side. and the worse thing was i was in my pj's and i had no underwear on, so my ass was cold, since my pj's was a pull over with no bottoms. ugh!!!

so i managed to finally get up and the dog is NO WHERE in sight. I call for her, nothing. Great!!! I come in wipe up some of the blood off my knee and elbow, take my medicine, drink some water and wonder what the hell to do about the dog.

i go out back and whistle and call for her -- NOTHING!!!

i go out front and whistle and call for her -- i hear the jingle of her license on her collar, thank God!!!

She actually comes to me. She was one front porch over, sniffing. She came right to me, and let me pick her up!!!! and we came in the house. Needless to say, I was so proud of her, so i gave her part of a cookie for being such a good girl.

We go upstairs and wake up my daughter to see if she knows where the first aid kit is, she doesn't and she's bitchy about me waking her up.

I go in my bathroom to clean my scrapes that look alot like the ones I used to get when i was 7 - 10 years old and i'd fall off my bike. gab brings me a small first aid kit with band aids and cleaning alcohol wipes.

i'm finally in bed, ready to try to go back to sleep since it's almost 6 am now.
and sophie is still wound up. so i get up to check on her and she pee'd and pooped. i guess she was too shaken up when she was outside to bother going to the bathroom. but i can't be mad at her, this one was all my clumsy ass fault.

so i clean up her mess and we get back in bed and she steps on my knee, ouch!!!!

but i must off fallen back to sleep cuz the next thing i know it's 7:45 and the alarm is going off. now my hip and should are throbbing and my scrapes have turned red. so i clean them with the alcohol wipes, talk about burn baby burn!

and come downstairs and sign on to work, and very CAREFULLY but the dog on the leash.

i know i grumble at the office and to anyone who will listen about how accident prone my daughter is, but i can't do that anymore, because she's just like her mother!

friday the 13th

i loathe friday the 13th's, all my bad luck seems to jump me on these days. i trip, i fall, i get sick, i screw things up. today i have a cold, the runs, i tripped, stubbed my toe, and this was before i realized it was friday the 13th.

people are giving me shit for no reason. i'm already bummed over my kid not being able to go back to college cuz i can't afford it. now my kid's whining about getting a job. i wish sitting on ur ass all day playing computer games paid money, but it doesn't!!! no job = no education, she just ain't getting it.

somedays it's just hard to justify a reason to get out of bed at all and today is definitely one of them.

pay day friday's are supposed to be happy days

i'm so depressed. there has been no solution to the college shortage of funds. looks like my daughter will have to withdraw from college on monday. and to make matters worse i bounced a check, i thought it had cleared, i checked it off and everything, i must of got it confused with another check. i am a financail train wreck!

my daughter is going to spend a week with her grandma next week. there are job openings at the hospital in nutrition and the cafeteria that are entry level. her aunt works at the hospital so i am hoping her aunt can guide her through the application process. she has to get a job and work and save so she can get back to school. it might not be a 4 year place, but start at a 2 year and build up. she wants it all and she wants it now and it's just falling to pieces.

i feel bad that i can't afford to send her to college for another year, but my finances took a serious beating the last 4 years. i was laid off 3 times in 4 years and 2 of them were in the same year. i'm still paying for defaults and such from those times. we just can't catch a break!

i really want to have a good weekend. please let me get some good news soon.

sickness

i've been fighting a sinus infection since the weekend. i even missed a day of work. this week i've only wanted to lie in bed and sleep. i feel totally drained of all energy. it's an extreme effort to breathe. my nose is plugged up. my lungs are straining under the burden of my excessive weight. i pop over the counter remedies, because i don't have the co-pay to see the doctor to get an antibiotic. either my body will win this one or it won't.

i have to wonder if some of this is my depression. i am not really rev'd up to fight this off. i just want to succumb and wallow in the misery. every ache and pain is a relief, because it's proof i still feel something. the dark circles under my gray eyes make me look like a shadow of my former self. only if the disease would kill my appetite then it would be perfect.

yet i still manage to eat. i drink more water now. and pop to get thru the work hours, but there's no flavor or taste to any of it. i'm just going thru the motions. it's what you do. you wake up. you go to work. you eat. you talk. you smile. you laugh. you come home and you collapse. i don't want to leave the comfort of my bed. the hot showers soothe the aches, the icy hot relieves some of the pain. but what i really want, is just to sleep, undisturbed for 24 hours straight. but between the job, the kid, and the dog, i'm lucky to get 3 hours at a time.

i'm just so over being a productive member of society.

oh, how the night went into the crapper

night started well. we headed to physical therapy for gab and the car stalled in the parking lot. i got an unexpected check in the mail to boost the bank account. we ate at kfc. we were laughing. all was well. we went to the grocery store. i had to potty. i set my purse on the floor and when i picked it up, some yucky mold like substance got all over my clothes, hands, legs, and it was gross.

an employee tried to help me clean it up, but i think my clothes are ruined. and from here then night gets worse. gab gets hiccups towards the end of the grocery trip and some huge guy decides to scare her out of them the same time i decide to scare her out of them. so she gets boo yelled at her from me (behind her) and this strange man (in front of her) and the other people in the dairy aisle start laughing, but gab is freaked out to say the least.

we get home and i take sophie upstairs so i can change and distract her while gab hauls in the groceries. gab screams there is broken glass and to keep sophie upstairs. gab set the salsa on the stove and it fell out of the bag and broke all over the floor. she says it is cleaned up. i come downstairs, barefoot, and promptly find, with my left heel some glass. between my bleeding, gab having a melt down (and her hiccups disappeared during the melt down) and the dog trying to eat the glass, i can say monday night SUCKS!!!

i'm going to shower, band aid my foot, and go to bed early. i pray tomorrow is a better day.