menopause sounds really good right now

so i thought my period was done, after 15 days, but no. it started back up again this morning. if i could press a button on my body to start menopause, i'd so do it!!!

my back flipping aches, cramps are still raging, this just sucks! i called the doctor's office and wanted to make an appointment to have this checked out, but no, i have to talk to the nurse line first and it's a machine. and maybe, it's all my fracking pms'ing, but i was in no mood to tell a machine i'm having the period from hell.

i want to cry. i'm starting to think this period will not end. today i have some fun things to do, but i'll have to keep running to the bathroom to change my stupid pads out.

i guess if i'm still bleeding to death on monday i'll try the doctor again, maybe i won't want to scream into the phone when i get a machine. i know i'm being unreasonable, but it's not like i can control it. and that's my biggest problem, the more things out of my control the more i get upset. i have some serious issues, duh!!!

maybe if i take that neighbor up on his offer, sex will stop my period, it's not like he can knock me up right now.

harry potter at 12:10 AM, this is gonna be fun, if i stay awake

so my kid talked me into another midnight showing, this time for the last harry potter film, we are taking tissues, because we fully expect to cry.
the last midnight showing i went to was for the then latest release of the twilight series. i was showing my age man!!

i had my first red bull, and mr. bindi was created,
imaging this in a badly attempted porno style male french accent,
"hello, i am mr. bindi, and i'll be your straw this evening.
suck from me the juices and i will fill you up"

and it wasn't even a bindi straw :)

i might have to try monster drink tonight, i wonder what my hopped up but totally exhausted brain will create this evening. we shall see.
my kid is afraid and i am little afraid myself.
i don't do well when sleep deprived, staying up past 10 takes effort, especially since my meds are designed to help me get sleep.
i'll have to delay taking my meds, and that is risky for everyone, i am medicated for my own safety as well as the publics.

so exicited!!!

Damn that Diane Sawyer

My heart aches for the people of Japan. I have been following things using the internet to avoid tears. I made the mistake of checking in on the evening news with Diane Sawyer, and damn it, they were in the middle of a piece on Japan and the rescue efforts. I was holding it together until the part about the dog running to rescue workers and bringing them back to another dog that was injured. I lost it! My dog looked at me like I was nuts, which I am. I just couldn't keep the tears in check any longer, Diane's voice seemed haunted. Damn that woman!!!

Again, my heartfelt and deepest sympathies for the people of Japan!

Merry Christmas to All!!!

Well, i made my round of merry christmas calls and text messages. I saw a video of Mom that my sister-in-law posted on facebook from her last christmas 15 years ago. i cried. i had forgotten so much about her and her voice and her mannerisms. i miss her so much. i cried, i laughed, my heart ached. what a way to start christmas day, firmly bawling over the past. i wish she were here. christmas has never been the same since she died. i'm trying to be brave and put my big girl panties on and just suck it up. but it's so hard. so hard.

merry christmas everyone. hug the ones you love, you never know when your last christmas will come.