damn pizza rolls! i had some sunday, thought they were cooled bit into one and had to spit it out, too hot, dog did the same. had to go to the dentist cuz my mouth kept bleeding and 2nd degree burns and blisters on the right side in the back! my pizza addiction will kill me one day!
now i have to use this prescription mouth wash,dip a cotton ball in it, and hold it on the blisters for at least a minute 2 times a day.
gargle with luke warm salt water 3 times a day.
avoid anything sticky, hard, crunchy, salty, and citrus
(this will help with the weight loss plan)
keep my tooth brush off of the gums on that side
so for the next 7-10 days this is going to suck!
so the blister on my foot is healing and now i have blisters in my mouth healing. and my period zit on the side of my forehead, plus my period and its delightful cramps all in the same week. why doesn't God just smote me now????
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
dog park kind of day
it is beautiful outside. a perfect fall type of day. a great breeze and just enough heat as to not be cold. so i packed sophie up and we went to the dog park. i walk 2 miles on my bum foot and she ran and frolicked with the other pups. now we are chilling and she's napping and life is good.
my foot is getting better. i keep it covered with gauze and neosporin until bed. then i leave it uncovered with the neosporin on it. it burns less, but the newly exposed layer of skin is still very red.
i am reaching a place in the pain that is tolerable for me. i've been reading C.S. Lewis' book The Problem of Pain. I find it interesting. I am struggling with my faith right now. I know God exists. I have never doubted that, but having bi-polar and borderline personality disorder I often feel that I am unworthy, empty, useless, small, and forsaken.
I wonder why I must suffer in so much pain, both physical and mental, if God loves me. Of course, the book of Job, is a clear example of testing, enduring, and perserverance. But lately, I started to once again feel disconnected, not just from God, but from all the people who surround me. I just wanted to be left alone.
These emotions aren't new to me. I often isolate myself. I justify these action by telling myself that if I am alone, the only person I can hurt is myself, but I end up hurting the two people who love me the most. My kid and my Dad, are the ones that take the most punishment from my "moods".
i've seen disappointment on my Dad's face more time then i can count. My daughter just shakes her head and says there is something wrong with you. I don't know how to make things better for them. I am this emotionally raw creature that has yet to be contained, tamed, or restrained. Every time i try to better myself, i get scared, and revert back to what is familiar.
i have so many thoughts twirling in chaotic dances in my head. i wish i could capture one and hold onto it until it finished its dance, but i am never able to keep what i want the most. To quote the book "...the doors of hell are locked on the inside."
if i surrender completely to God, as the book suggests, to be healed, then i admit i have no control over anything, including myself. now i see why God loses so many of us. i know God can run my life better then I can, but I don't want to bother him with my mundane details. I am back to feeling like a burden to him. This thinking keeps me from embracing His love to the fullest, but I don't know how to break the cycle. I feel like i'm chasing my own tail all the time.
my foot is getting better. i keep it covered with gauze and neosporin until bed. then i leave it uncovered with the neosporin on it. it burns less, but the newly exposed layer of skin is still very red.
i am reaching a place in the pain that is tolerable for me. i've been reading C.S. Lewis' book The Problem of Pain. I find it interesting. I am struggling with my faith right now. I know God exists. I have never doubted that, but having bi-polar and borderline personality disorder I often feel that I am unworthy, empty, useless, small, and forsaken.
I wonder why I must suffer in so much pain, both physical and mental, if God loves me. Of course, the book of Job, is a clear example of testing, enduring, and perserverance. But lately, I started to once again feel disconnected, not just from God, but from all the people who surround me. I just wanted to be left alone.
These emotions aren't new to me. I often isolate myself. I justify these action by telling myself that if I am alone, the only person I can hurt is myself, but I end up hurting the two people who love me the most. My kid and my Dad, are the ones that take the most punishment from my "moods".
i've seen disappointment on my Dad's face more time then i can count. My daughter just shakes her head and says there is something wrong with you. I don't know how to make things better for them. I am this emotionally raw creature that has yet to be contained, tamed, or restrained. Every time i try to better myself, i get scared, and revert back to what is familiar.
i have so many thoughts twirling in chaotic dances in my head. i wish i could capture one and hold onto it until it finished its dance, but i am never able to keep what i want the most. To quote the book "...the doors of hell are locked on the inside."
if i surrender completely to God, as the book suggests, to be healed, then i admit i have no control over anything, including myself. now i see why God loses so many of us. i know God can run my life better then I can, but I don't want to bother him with my mundane details. I am back to feeling like a burden to him. This thinking keeps me from embracing His love to the fullest, but I don't know how to break the cycle. I feel like i'm chasing my own tail all the time.
Friday, August 26, 2011
the blister!!!
well walking is out the window. i put the blister bandage over my expanding blister so i could walk around with the kid at her new school for orientation and registration. i thought it was doing okay. we walked alot.
i get home and go to take the bandage off and check the blister and the bandage had melted into the blister. I had to painfully pull off what i could and the blister came off with it. then i had to cut off the rest for easily to get the rest of the bandage off, but all the skin came off with it.
now i am in alot of pain and the bottom of my foot is red and raw. it is starting to burn and throb alot. and of course, it is a friday so the doctor is closed until monday.
i will just have to suck it up and keep my foot up all weekend. at least my kid is still home for 3 weeks to take care of me. but only if i threaten to not give her any extra money when she goes to school. yup, she really really does not care that i hurt.
whenever i try to do right or good, it always comes back around to hurt me in some way!!!!
i get home and go to take the bandage off and check the blister and the bandage had melted into the blister. I had to painfully pull off what i could and the blister came off with it. then i had to cut off the rest for easily to get the rest of the bandage off, but all the skin came off with it.
now i am in alot of pain and the bottom of my foot is red and raw. it is starting to burn and throb alot. and of course, it is a friday so the doctor is closed until monday.
i will just have to suck it up and keep my foot up all weekend. at least my kid is still home for 3 weeks to take care of me. but only if i threaten to not give her any extra money when she goes to school. yup, she really really does not care that i hurt.
whenever i try to do right or good, it always comes back around to hurt me in some way!!!!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
shake, rattle and roll, it's an earthquake baby!
5.9 quake in VA.
we live near columbus ohio and i didn't feel anything, but my kid did. it's weird because we are in the same house, the dog barked and growled, i wondered why the trees were shaking. my co-worker in NJ had her Mom and husband call her in a panic. they both felt the earthquake, my co-worker didn't feel it either. maybe because we are so focused on our work ;)
my kid is now convinced 2012 is the end of days.
she can be so silly.
i told her if there is a natural disaster of worldly proportions, i just want to die in the first wave. i could not bare to live without functioning bathrooms and no food and/or water.
my middle name is irene, i'm so excited i finally got a hurricane and she looks like she's going to do some damage too. weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
i know i'm weird to be cheering for a hurricane, it's not that i want anyone to get hurt, i just like the idea of destruction, not the actual application of it.
i've often been compared to hurricanes and tornadoes. i was once referred to as chaos in solid form. it's the mood swings, i'm up then down, then i turn around a shake it like i'm jacked up on crack.
man -- i am in a mood today. co-worker told me to go home if i was sick, i just said my muscles hurt from all the walking. and he told me to drink a red bull, and i said, why, i'm being quiet cuz i hurt, and then he changed his mind and said he preferred the quiet.
the neighbor has me all confused. i told him i just want to be neighbors again. he and his "good friend" look happy and in love, she is such a blind idiot. i feel sorry for her. i think i can behave myself as long as he doesn't touch me. i feel like i'm in the middle of a hurricane and a earthquake combined when he touches me. the hickey he gave me is almost gone now. i'm such a horny slut, i hate myself.
we live near columbus ohio and i didn't feel anything, but my kid did. it's weird because we are in the same house, the dog barked and growled, i wondered why the trees were shaking. my co-worker in NJ had her Mom and husband call her in a panic. they both felt the earthquake, my co-worker didn't feel it either. maybe because we are so focused on our work ;)
my kid is now convinced 2012 is the end of days.
she can be so silly.
i told her if there is a natural disaster of worldly proportions, i just want to die in the first wave. i could not bare to live without functioning bathrooms and no food and/or water.
my middle name is irene, i'm so excited i finally got a hurricane and she looks like she's going to do some damage too. weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
i know i'm weird to be cheering for a hurricane, it's not that i want anyone to get hurt, i just like the idea of destruction, not the actual application of it.
i've often been compared to hurricanes and tornadoes. i was once referred to as chaos in solid form. it's the mood swings, i'm up then down, then i turn around a shake it like i'm jacked up on crack.
man -- i am in a mood today. co-worker told me to go home if i was sick, i just said my muscles hurt from all the walking. and he told me to drink a red bull, and i said, why, i'm being quiet cuz i hurt, and then he changed his mind and said he preferred the quiet.
the neighbor has me all confused. i told him i just want to be neighbors again. he and his "good friend" look happy and in love, she is such a blind idiot. i feel sorry for her. i think i can behave myself as long as he doesn't touch me. i feel like i'm in the middle of a hurricane and a earthquake combined when he touches me. the hickey he gave me is almost gone now. i'm such a horny slut, i hate myself.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
the morning after jack
well i passed out around 6pm, with only 4 miles walked for the day.
i woke up near midnight, all aches and pains gone, thank you jack daniels.
but my memory is hazy, but whisky does NOT give me a hang over.
so i felt great, had a pb and nutella sandwich, some milk, and let the dog out.
i checked on the kid, she says i was too funny. then i went back to bed and slept through the night with no issues.
it started storming overnight and it's raining today, so i will have to get my exercise in on the wii.
i don't like to self-medicate, but even a urgent care visit is expensive and all they would have given me is 800 strenght ib profen, which i had already tried for the past two days and it did not work. but the booze took care of it, it helped me sleep too. i was falling into insomnia again. i hate when that happens.
today will be a better day. i'm going to relax, we exercise, and just enjoy the moments.
i woke up near midnight, all aches and pains gone, thank you jack daniels.
but my memory is hazy, but whisky does NOT give me a hang over.
so i felt great, had a pb and nutella sandwich, some milk, and let the dog out.
i checked on the kid, she says i was too funny. then i went back to bed and slept through the night with no issues.
it started storming overnight and it's raining today, so i will have to get my exercise in on the wii.
i don't like to self-medicate, but even a urgent care visit is expensive and all they would have given me is 800 strenght ib profen, which i had already tried for the past two days and it did not work. but the booze took care of it, it helped me sleep too. i was falling into insomnia again. i hate when that happens.
today will be a better day. i'm going to relax, we exercise, and just enjoy the moments.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
self medication is grand
so my walking has resulted in aches and pains,
so i decided to self medicate with jack daniels and dt. cherry coke.
i'm feelign fine, no worries, no crimes, just chilling with my glass, jack, dt. cherry zero, and ice baby.
my child is amused, don't ask me to utilize my balance, it has fled my intoxicated jurisdiction. life is beautiful, even if it is crooked. i luv me right now. i even held my tongue agaist that blonde skinny cow.
i just need a good fuck,but i'm out of luck.
this is what the devil would call a victory, but i refer to it as a let down in the pathetic american medical system.
i would have gone to the urgent care for my strained back,
if we had universal health care i'd have them take a look at my back!
so i decided to self medicate with jack daniels and dt. cherry coke.
i'm feelign fine, no worries, no crimes, just chilling with my glass, jack, dt. cherry zero, and ice baby.
my child is amused, don't ask me to utilize my balance, it has fled my intoxicated jurisdiction. life is beautiful, even if it is crooked. i luv me right now. i even held my tongue agaist that blonde skinny cow.
i just need a good fuck,but i'm out of luck.
this is what the devil would call a victory, but i refer to it as a let down in the pathetic american medical system.
i would have gone to the urgent care for my strained back,
if we had universal health care i'd have them take a look at my back!
i'm a lean mean walking machine!
i have been walking the fat right off of me!!!
i am shooting for 15-20 miles a week.
today i did 2 miles in 1 hour and 15 minutes.
i did another mile after i got back from running errands and once it cools off around 7pm i will walk the last two making this my first 5 mile day.
i'm loving it!
i did only sleep 3 hours last night, but i will blame sexual frustration on that. i think the walking helps to burn that off.
men call women teases, i think they need to look in the mirror first.
i got a hickey, i haven't had one of those since high school.
i have a feeling it will be a no go with the naughty neighbor, the competition is young, thin, blonde, tanned, and according to multiple sources quite nice.
it looks like she is moving in, oh well. it would have been a nice ride until it crashed and burned, like all my past relationships, doesn't matter what the label is, friends, friends with benefits, hook ups, boyfriends, fiancee's or husbands.
i also ran the car through the car wash, vacuumed it, got the kid's laptop a new charger. now we are watching 2 1/2 weeks, a classic! and then it is the grocery store, dinner, and my last walk of the night!
i am shooting for 15-20 miles a week.
today i did 2 miles in 1 hour and 15 minutes.
i did another mile after i got back from running errands and once it cools off around 7pm i will walk the last two making this my first 5 mile day.
i'm loving it!
i did only sleep 3 hours last night, but i will blame sexual frustration on that. i think the walking helps to burn that off.
men call women teases, i think they need to look in the mirror first.
i got a hickey, i haven't had one of those since high school.
i have a feeling it will be a no go with the naughty neighbor, the competition is young, thin, blonde, tanned, and according to multiple sources quite nice.
it looks like she is moving in, oh well. it would have been a nice ride until it crashed and burned, like all my past relationships, doesn't matter what the label is, friends, friends with benefits, hook ups, boyfriends, fiancee's or husbands.
i also ran the car through the car wash, vacuumed it, got the kid's laptop a new charger. now we are watching 2 1/2 weeks, a classic! and then it is the grocery store, dinner, and my last walk of the night!
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