Back against the Clock

Time is running out on the house hunt.
I have until Monday before I'm locked out of the account i was borrowing from to do the down payment for a month.

I guess it is a good thing because after 19 houses, being out bidded by $1261, and passing on a bidding war for another house, i'm burnt out on it.

I'm going to take this next month to think, reassess my needs, and save more money.

I think we will start looking again mid-July.

Yes, sometimes Life does work out in a way that is better then you planned.

I know there is the one house out there that is perfect for me the kid and the pup.

I need to relax, rethink, and reenergize.

I Made My Bed

i did have a sinus infection.
last week i worked from home the entire week taking antibiotics and pounding the good cough syrup.
i slept at least 15 hours a day.
i tried to stay out of the cold and keep warm.
i drank lots of fluids and rested the crap out of it.
i finally went back to the office this past Tuesday.
someone put a buzzard on my cube wall so it was staring at me.
my boss finally got rid of it.
every time i tried to move it, it would just appear again.
but honestly i feel all better finally!

it's hard to be sick.
every little thing made me tired.
sophie got restless because i cut back her walks.
she is such a friendly little dog.
i'm lucky to have her to keep the nights from being so lonely.

the biggest thing i'm battling again is my depression.
the sickness, my weight being stuck, and men are just getting me down.
i've been fighting my depressed moods off and on since october,
but i don't know how much longer i can do it on my own.
i'm hoping not to go back on medication.

my daughter will be 21 on March 4th.
i miss having a little one.
every body thinks i'm crazy to want another child.
i've always wanted more children.
i just kept waiting for the perfect situation.
that has proven to be non-existent.
i guess i lost my chance a long time ago.

my biggest regret is not having at least one more child.
but time only marches forward and i have to accept that i will spend the rest of my life alone.
i made my bed and now i must lie in it!

the migraine is winning

i went on a date last night, me and my migraine.
he was sweet. i had toast and scrambled eggs since i've not been able to eat much.
by the time he picked me up i'd been up nearly 40 hours.
i tried to be engaging, but i can't really remember much about what he said.
he insisted i try a ibprofun pm and we went to kroger's and he bought me a small bottle.
he insisted i had to take 3.
i gave him a hug and we made tentative plans to go out again next week (he's out of town over the weekend)

he left and i got so sick. my dinner didn't not stick around to put it in the least grossest terms i can think of.
i took a hot shower, 3 of the pm tablets and hoped for the best.
i laid down at 9, last look at the clock was 10:38, i woke up at 2:14am sicker then when i went to bed.
i got sick again, and my migraine was worse.
i tried to go back to sleep, around 5AM i drifted off for almost 2 hours.
but my migraine is winning.
if it's not gone tomorrow i'm going to have to cave and go to urgent care for a shot.
i hate this one, it's the worst migraine i've had in years.

i don't even remember his last name. he did text me this morning to see how i was.
he thought for sure the pm pills would work cuz it works on his migraines.
i told him my body reacts to medication differently from most people.
it tends to wear off faster, he asked if i was superwoman, i said nope, just a cuzin.

he seemed nice, maybe next time we go out i won't feel like shit!

A sleepless night

can't sleep, it's 1:21 am, i just finished 30 minutes of exercise on the wii. i'm just now feeling tired and sweaty. i'm going to try and take a hot shower and sleep. I hope i get some sleep. if i can't sleep off a migraine it gets worse. and i wasn't able to even nap today. it's one of the ones where i close my eyes and it just squeezes my brain tighter, like a boa contricter, with every breath, it squeezes tighter until i have to get up and move because i feel like i can't breathe.

i have so many thoughts spinning around my head. it's like a chaotic gravity defying merry go round filled with men and situations. what i want, what i need, and never what i actaully have. i romantize my situations. these men don't love me. they want me. they want to control me, dominant me. i am alone, alway alone.

suddenly ill

woke up at 4:30 not feeling well. thought i might be hungry, so i had a very small bowl of all bran and took some tylenol for my back ache and allergy med for my stuffed up nose.

woke up at 6:00 feeling okay. went to work around 9am the meds were wearing off and i was miserable. i struggled to lunch and tried to eat some salad and a piece of veggie pizza but neither agreed with me.

my left side and lower back are killing me.

so i begged off work, came home and i am working remotely now.
i think i strained my back muscles walking.
i've also been working on improving my posture.
maybe that's why it hurts.

so tired!!! i'm still going to walk at least 1 mile tonight. yesterday I walked two. I'm not going to let some aches and pains keep me down.

another muggy day

wow, it is muggy as hades out there today.
i ran to the grocery and it poured rain and dropped 10 degrees,
but 10 minutes after the rain stopped it was back to hot and humid.
i don't miss tv at all. the kid freaked when it went out for a couple of days.
i hope we pull it together enough to get her off to college in the fall, so i can get rid of the cable for good.

i think i will stay inside today and rest.
tomorrow is a big work day, it sucks that it's a sunday, but that is how it goes with computers.
sunday and holidays are prime implementations and upgrade days.
the dog is even not wanting to go outside, so u know it is that HOT!!!

ice cream sounds really really good right now!

a rough morning

well, i took a nap for like 2 hours before the movie. i felt like i'd been drugged, everything was fuzzy, and i felt numb, and my limbs did not want to move. the only seats we could find at the HP D2 movie were in the very first row, so i spent the whole movie trying to recline in a seat that doesn't recline. i enjoyed the movie, my kid was disappointed harry didn't wake up naked in kings cross station. she was hoping they'd keep that, but we were very pleased with the bellatrix and mrs. weasley battle. the death of voldemort wasn't as thrilling.

i was wide awake once the movie started. we got home around 3am, had to put the pup outside to do her business and then i finished the leftovers from olive garden where we had gone to dinner earlier. i fell right back to sleep, but i started waking up every 30 minutes looking at the clock starting at 6AM, so when the alarm finally went off at 7:50AM i felt hung over, but i'm working through it.

i felt like calling in sick, but i've been doing that alot lately. it's the stress and just because i'm feeling worn doesn't mean i'm sick. although, the number of my headaches has doubled. i don't have one right at the moment and this is the exception rather then the rule. it's been a rough morning, but i hope for a better evening. it is friday after all and i don't work this weekend, sweet!!!!

forgot to take meds this morning

i knew i forgot to do something this morning. i hate when my schedule and routine are messed with. getting up at 6 so i can go to work then the kid can take the car after dropping me off and she gets to work by 8 sucks.

i figured out by 9 what i forgot, my eyes were watering. i was sneezing. i had a headache and i hurt and ached. i forgot to take my morning meds. allergy pill, savella (fms) and my tryglceride med. it was an EXTREMELY LONG DAY!!!

i was working 7 - 4 and i told my boss, wow, i'm exhausted it must be close to 4 and he said no it's not even 2:30 yet!!!! These kind of days, where they go on forever, just suck.

i had to come home and take my day meds with my night meds. i laid down to just make sure, but i'm not hungry and now i'm not tired. so happy tomorrow is a work from home day!!!

back to the doctor

so it's back to the doctor in the morning, they should just put in a revolving door for me. this year has been insane with sickness. and it's really depressing me. so much now, i want an anti-depressant. but with all due consideration, my shoulder and knee are in a constant state of pain, and my headaches are endless. i did have 3 days in a row last week with no headache. i sneezed, coughed, and sniffled, but all the junk kept coming out onto the snot rag, so no headache!!!

i'm doing a whole bunch of nothing. i keep my knee up and iced. i icy hot my shoulder. i just want to sleep all through the night. i toss and turn to go to sleep, so it's around midnight before i'm out. then i wake up between 4-6am to pee and let the dog out to do the same. i wake up like i never slept and it's really starting to impact my ability to function. to say i am not firing on all cylinders is an understatement. i'm like fully loaded and half-cocked or is the half-loaded and fully cocked???

i can't even put a sentence together. sheesh!!!
tonight is it bed time yet?

the move is on!

i'm moving into a 3 bedroom apt. more space, more storage, 2 car garage and only 3 doors over, so about 35 feet. so hopefully, this move will be fairly painless, except for the cleaning :(

i keep scrubbing, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, wiping, and dusting i'm going to have both my arms fall off from wearing them right off the bone.

dog prints all over the walls, sure magic eraser takes it off, but after a serious amount of laborious scrubbing. and i have to be careful where i take the dog paws off cuz the dog is still here and will reapply them.

we get keys tuesday and i hope to be fully moved into the new place on saturday. gab and i can move all the small stuff, like computer desk, clothes, the tv's, microwaves, and books, loads of books, 75 cookbooks alone, not to mention all my cooking magazines.

my dad is going to move the dog runner down to the new patio, take down and move the massage shower heads and put back the original shower heads, he's going to take the top of the dinning room table, and take my daughter's bed frame apartment. he hurt his foot and hand so he can't actually move anything, just disassemble it.

i've asked some young male neighbors and my fellow male church goers to help on saturday with the heavy and bulky stuff, mattresses, washer, dryer, dressers, credenza (the thing weighs a ton!!!)

then the cleaning go really go into overdrive, treat the carpet stains from kid, cat, and dog, clean the carpet, dust, vacuum, oh the list goes on and on. i'm going to be exhausted. but moved! let the fun begin!

Drained and Good Luck?

I am conflicted. I won a 24 inch flat screen tv at the company picnic, which is the biggest and bestest thing I've ever won in my entire life!!!! So that's the Good Luck part of this and I am excited. I was so excited and happy. It's all hooked up in my bedroom. It was such a luxury to sit in bed last night and watch some tv. And I really needed to be in bed, because I think I'm getting sick.

I am so drained. Not tired, drained of all energy. I've already taken a 2 hour nap today and I had to struggle through taking Sophie to the dog park, then running a few errands. I thought I was going to pass out in the fabric store! I came home and walked Sophie to the mailbox then I collapsed into bed for 2 hours of complete unconsciousness!

Sophie started licking me and waking me up after 2 hours, but I'm still dragging, I've been out of bed an hour and I'm ready to go back to bed. I didn't even watch tv from bed this morning. It's like all my energy has been stolen away by some evil super villian. My period did start so maybe that's causing it, but usually i'm just tired and cranky when it starts. The level of exhaustion I'm experiencing now has been rare in my life and usually comes with sickness. My sinus' have been acting up. I hope they aren't getting infected.

But this is my life, for every good thing that happens to me there are 3 bad things waiting in the wings. I should be used to it by now.

Eclipse!

Well, I was told that I was too old to go to a midnight showing. So I decided to prove them wrong and went to the midnight showing of eclipse. They were right.

I am too old to go to a midnight showing.

My whole body aches. I'm so tired but I can't sleep. I've had a crappy day. I got hit in the head twice. The red bull I drank made me wound up for 2 hours then I crashed and turned into a zombie. I'm going to be all messed up into the weekend. Lovely. When did this happen?

In college I went to midnight showings, stayed out until 3 am drinking, crammed for exams all night, and now by 9:45 pm, I'm yawning and can't wait to go to bed. 10pm I'm in the bed on my way to sleep and if I don't keep that schedule my world falls apart.

When did i get so old? When did i get so fat and lazy?

I disgust me!

I like the movie, at least better then the other 2 that have been out. but it was annoying to hear the squeals and screams every time the jacob boy showed up on the screen shirtless. and that was alot.