A sleepless night

can't sleep, it's 1:21 am, i just finished 30 minutes of exercise on the wii. i'm just now feeling tired and sweaty. i'm going to try and take a hot shower and sleep. I hope i get some sleep. if i can't sleep off a migraine it gets worse. and i wasn't able to even nap today. it's one of the ones where i close my eyes and it just squeezes my brain tighter, like a boa contricter, with every breath, it squeezes tighter until i have to get up and move because i feel like i can't breathe.

i have so many thoughts spinning around my head. it's like a chaotic gravity defying merry go round filled with men and situations. what i want, what i need, and never what i actaully have. i romantize my situations. these men don't love me. they want me. they want to control me, dominant me. i am alone, alway alone.

feeling good about the labor day weekend

work is going at a good clip now. getting loads done. my mouth and foot are recovering nicely from their blisters. i got blood drawn today to see if my vitamin D levels have increased. I should find that out by tomorrow afternoon. If not, i don't know what else i can do. I have been out in the sun without sunscreen to absorb vitamin d the best i can without burning. i haven't been this tanned (if u can call it that) since college. i hope it is better. i might have to start taking a daily multi-vitamin on top of the weekly vitamin d supplement. but that could be a good thing for me.

i weened myself off all medications. i go sept. 22nd to see how my chlosterol and tryglcerides are doing without the medication. i walk 2-4 miles through the weekdays and 5 miles on the weekend. i do the wii toning and strength training every thursday. i lost 2 pounds this past week. my new goal is 5 pounds over the next two weeks. i am getting all the last kinks out of my junk food cravings. when the kid heads off to school in 2 weeks the cable will be shut off and the junk food will go with her.

there's not much that tempts me, but i went to the grocery whilst pms'ing and got nutter butters, choc, chip cookies, and miniture snickers and milky ways. so far, she has eaten more then i have which is a good thing. i've been proud of my restraint. although, dipping a nutter butter into nutella is a slice of HEAVEN!!! try it!

i get to start my holiday weekend at 2pm tomorrow. i still have to keep an eye periodically on the system, but the weekend looks to be mostly work free. the kid goes to her paternal grandma's for one last visit prior to going off to hocking tech college. i drop her off 7pm tomorrow and pick her up around 5 on monday. so i'm alone!

i'm planning to go to the dog park, walk, wii, read, study scripture, and friday after i get off work i'm doing laundry and getting the house cleaning done so I don't have to do that crap during the weekend. when the kid isn't here the house stays clean. i know how to pick up after myself! the dog tends to drag out toys and she looks offended when i vacuum but i think she doesn't mind a clean house either.

i'm down to my last 12 pack of dt. soda pop. i've tried this challenge before and it was a HUGE failure! no more pop/coke/soda (etc..) this is the last 12 pack. not only will i save money (which will help with the kid at school) but my teeth with thank me. it'll be just water and skim milk. boring right, but it is what i need to do. i need to keep challenging myself. i've got the exercising going, the healthy eating is in full swing, i am working on my biggest flaws (per the people that I work with) and now i will control what i drink!!!

i'm going to go girl myself right now cuz i deserve it!!!

fluzzy woozy new year

i have the FLU!!! this major major sucks. cuz once again bret can't come to see me cuz he could get sick this time. and i've not seen him for 2 weeks now. it's bumming me out dudes. i am totally wasted on nyquil. sneezing is annoying, coughing is excruciating, but nothing sucks the worst then explosive diarrhea!!!

another new year with no one to kiss at midnight, i'm sick of it, literally this time. but at least i have the dog, she loves me, can dogs get the flu?
i hope not, sophie have diarrhea would be BAD!!!

happy new year!!!

i am alone

i am alone. i am always alone. you could put a million people around me and i'd still be alone. i never get invited to anything. people are never excited to see me. no one calls me unless they've tried every one else they know first and they didn't pick up. no one asks me how i am. i am utterly and completely alone.
but people suck so it only bothers me when i feel left out, which is usually just on the weekends and holidays. otherwise, i like being alone.