This is the Winter that Never Ends

It goes on and on my friends this is the winter that never ends...

More snow tomorrow, brutal winds, freezing temps, and overcast skies, yup, it may be officially spring, but winter didn't get the memo.

My kid's sinuses are infected.
I got a migraine.
As the winter drags on so does the sickness.

I saw on a local news web site that people are depressed over the weather, really, duh, what clued you in on that.
I have not only noticed the overall depression hanging like a dark wet blanket over everyone,
but people are MEAN right now!

No one is smiling, people aren't saying excuse me, or holding open doors for others.

I've seen more people snap at others for no reason at stores in the past 2 weeks then the past few years.
I knew extended hot weather could make people cranky and agressive but I didn't know cold weather could do that.

I'm ready to put on some flip flops, walk some laps, and drink some lemonade, but until winter decides to release it's stangle hold on Ohio I'm out of luck.

I think I've slept more the past 5 months then my entire life.
The sun, when it does shine, seems like such a strange thing and it hurts my eyes.
If i get any paler I will become transperant.

I think that concludes my winter sucks rant for now.

I can't wait to rant about how hot it is!!!

Hey Hey Now

Hey now we are getting little glimpses of spring with the big hits from winter in between.
I love winter but I'm so over it now.
I'm ready for some sunshine and flip flops.
I haven't shaved my legs since November!!!!
I'm really hairy right now.
I'm excited to shave, get a pedicure and just go outside and not freeze!
Come on spring!!!!

I think everyone in Ohio feels the same.
At least all my neighbors do!
We got up to nearly 70 degrees this past Sunday and it was amazing!
I saw people I hadn't seen in months outside.
We got all caught up on our silly little chit chat.

I took Sophie the Puggle to the dog park.
She is OUT OF SHAPE big time!
She was worn out and started getting snippy with the other pups.
She ran, played, and sniffed butts for an hour straight.

We went and got ice cream.
We had all the windows down.
It felt like FREEDOM!!!

This weekend is supposed to get into the 50's and I am going to enjoy every second of it!

I suggest if you've let winter get you down get outside and soak up that sun!
Because, at least in Ohio, the weather is more Bipolar then I am!

Sick Puppy

Sophie the puggle got sick too!

She either caught the flu from my daughter which is possible or it was something she ate over by the dumpster.
I tried to get it out of her mouth but she gobbled it down.
She was sick for a week.
I was freaking out.
We had to dip our fingers into water for her to drink anything at all.
She wouldn't eat, not even lunch meat which is her favorite.
She stopped drinking water so I mixed water and orange juice and she'd lick that off my fingers.
She was miserable.
I was on the verge of taking her to the vet when she began to improve.

She might have been constipated, she didn't poop for 3 days.
I know that hurts from experience, gross right!
she is now back to her usually bouncy trouncy self.
this is the first time she's ever been sick.
Poor puppy!

Hopefully now that everyone in the house has been ill we can spend the next couple of months healthy.
Call me a dreamer, but not being sick would be such a blessing.

The Winter of Sickness

It's been awhile.

I got sick around my birthday.
I spent turning 40 with an ear and sinus infections and bronchitis.
A week later it got worse and I was diagnosed with walking pneumonia.
I spent December in a haze of codiene cough syrup, antibiotics, and nyquil!
I am still coughing but not as much.
It's day 9 of the new year and I've had two migraines already.
I don't have an immune system, it went on holiday and hasn't returned yet!

The worst part was having zero energy!
I didn't even work up enough to go down to my Dad's at Christmas.
I did go and get him for my birthday and he stayed for 3 days, but I was sick the whole time.

I fought through it and we went bowling and then the bookstore.
We are such geeks. My dad, daughter and I spent nearly 2 hours in the bookstore.
We all love to read. I bought several books for me and dad.
I got one more that I haven't started from that batch.

It'll have to wait until I finish C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity.
If you have not heard of his books on Christianity and you are a logical person;
I'd highly recommend it.
He is very logical in laying out Christian concepts.
I read these books very slowly and highlight a lot of things.
I find it enlightening, but I'm a huge GEEK!!!

My favorite Christmas present I bought after it was over and on sale.
One of those one cup coffee makers.
I don't drink coffee, so we've been making teas and cocoa's on it.
Me and kid love it.
We are experimenting with different flavors and bought new mugs with our initials on them.

This year's goals -
Be a blessing to everyone I know and meet!
Buy a home!
Be healthy in heart, soul and body!

I'm not ambitious at all this year!

I hope you all had a great holiday and new year!
Blessings to you all!

40 Draws Near

On November 28, 2012 I will turn 40 years old.

I don't see what the big fuss is about for woman and this age.
I'm divorced, broke, renting, but I thankfully have a job.
I am not concerned with aging.
I figure it is all part of the plan of things.
We all grow old.
We all die.
It is two things that make us so much alike.
I don't understand all this anti-aging stuff.

I feel some days like i'm a hundred years old.
Other days i feel like i'm 20.
I see the age spots showing up on my hands and cheeks.
I am beginning to see some wrinkles around my eyes.
If anything I just look too exhausted to be alive anymore.

The days are dragging again.
I feel so used and useless.
I am on anti-depressants again, but I have not felt better.
I think I'm going to have to try something else.
I hate being on pills.
I have tried to walk more but it is no longer helping either.

I'm on a down swing and I can't find a way to turn it around.

I am bi-polar and it sucks!

I have to accept that my moods are an ever changing spectrum of every color you can think of.

Today I am a stormy sky, tomorrow I think I'll be a perky pink.
I hope I'll be a perky pink!

I Only Speak Up in My Mind

I see injustice and rudeness all the time, but i only speak up in my mind.
I don't like confrontation. I know I should say what I'm thinking and stop it, but I just shake my head and move on. What is it about me that makes me run and hide at the mere thought of calling someone out on their behavior? I'm a coward.

The only time I feel comfortable telling someone off is if they're younger then me. Like the two girls here that got into a girl fight. I broke it off. And told the girl that started it that she is to use her words and not her fists and the next time she came on the property she'd be arrested for trespassing. if that had been two adults fighting i would have just walked away. their adults, let them beat the crap out of each other. why do i care?!

the older i get the odder and more set in my ways i become.
my phobias grow and i want to stay in my home all the time.
i want to buy a house and never leave it.
if i had the money to do that i'd get everything off the internet.
i know this is not healthy. we are to want human contact, but i don't.
every time i try to meet people and put myself "out there" i get hurt.
you'd think i'd have tougher skin by now but i don't.

i'm twisted and broken down.
i don't want to interact with anyone in person.
people are rude, selfish, disgusting, and full of germs.
i am too, but they're my germs so i must live with them.
even my own kid is getting on my last nerve lately.

i guess i just hope this is a phase and my new medication will kick in and it'll pass!

The Bottom of the World

I feel like i'm at the bottom of the world and every one and every thing is pressing down on me. I can't move. I can't feel. I force myself to breath and it takes all my effort! I'm so worn out! Exhaustion doesn't begin to cover this overwhelming desire to sleep all the time. Today is the first day in over a month I've had any energy. I got a lot accomplished. Now I'm ready to sleep again for another month.

This disease I have has swallowed me whole again.
I swallow the anti-depressant every night at 7:30 in the evening. Some days that's the only time I get out of bed. My head hurts every day. I try different over the counter medications to no effect. The doctor says it'll take time as it always does to overcome the depression. I keep thinking one of these days I'll have no more time to wait it out.

Nothing motivates me.
Nothing interests me.
Nothing excites me.
Nothingness is all that gets me.

I haven't written creatively in awhile either.
I hate the side effects of the medication that's supposed to save me.
The lull I fall into kills me and placates me.
I feel as if the keys on the computer are like the keys on a piano; this is how I make my music. This is how I soothe my hurting soul. I don't know what to do when I can't do this, I feel lost!

A wave of apathy has swept all of me out to sea and no one is coming to rescue me!