This is the Winter that Never Ends

It goes on and on my friends this is the winter that never ends...

More snow tomorrow, brutal winds, freezing temps, and overcast skies, yup, it may be officially spring, but winter didn't get the memo.

My kid's sinuses are infected.
I got a migraine.
As the winter drags on so does the sickness.

I saw on a local news web site that people are depressed over the weather, really, duh, what clued you in on that.
I have not only noticed the overall depression hanging like a dark wet blanket over everyone,
but people are MEAN right now!

No one is smiling, people aren't saying excuse me, or holding open doors for others.

I've seen more people snap at others for no reason at stores in the past 2 weeks then the past few years.
I knew extended hot weather could make people cranky and agressive but I didn't know cold weather could do that.

I'm ready to put on some flip flops, walk some laps, and drink some lemonade, but until winter decides to release it's stangle hold on Ohio I'm out of luck.

I think I've slept more the past 5 months then my entire life.
The sun, when it does shine, seems like such a strange thing and it hurts my eyes.
If i get any paler I will become transperant.

I think that concludes my winter sucks rant for now.

I can't wait to rant about how hot it is!!!

199 and going down!

friday, a month ahead of my 39th birthday, i reached my 199 pound goal. I have 34 more pounds until i reach my final goal of 165 pounds.
i am walking, working out on the wii, watching what i eat, and wearing a size 14.
i am rocking it out!!!

i have to stay dedicated and focused.
these next two months are a critical time.
there will be temptation everywhere.
i cannot let myself give in to old habits.

it's bad enough i can't contain my desires.
the naughty neighbor and i were talking all business, the car i'm buying off of him.
then it took a turn toward the scandalous and we had another "moment"
he called me monica and i said okay bill.
his only dilemma seems to be us living in the same apartment complex.
you aren't supposed to cheat where you live.
so he has no issue with cheating on his live in girlfriend at all.
i found that interesting.

i would like to graduate to actually having all of his clothes off.
and real sex would be nice.
but i'm just enjoying these moments.
it's not like anyone else is knocking down my door.

bret is over and done for good this time.
i care about him, but he takes out his life's frustrations on me.
then he is just brutally mean to me.
and i'm too sensitive to the critisicms to take anymore.
it's not my fault his house got robbed, his daughter has walking pnemonia, and his landlord is evicting him for not paying rent.
but when i tried to take his mind off of it, he snapped my head off.
i don't know what else i can do or say.
i told him i was sorry and i hoped his kid made a quick recovery and i felt bad for him
and if he needed anything to let me know.
i can't do anything right with him and i'm tired of trying.

i think my conscience called me last night

last night at 10:23 pm the cell phone rang. didn't recognize the number, 513-470-4394, so i let it go. the number left a voice mail. i checked it thinking, wrong number or something. and it was a very weird message left in a female sing song voice. I was thinking drunken saturday night call to wrong number, when the female said my name, then said remember when i used to beat you up in high school. then the female voice proceeded to call me fat, stupid, ugly, etc... it was like my borderline personality disorder called to say outloud all the things i say to myself in my head all the time. Then it said my name again and hung up. so weird!!!

i tried back tracking the number, to no avail, i have no idea who it was. or what i possibly did to them back in high school to deserve such a rant. i don't recall getting beat up in high school. i pretty much kept to myself and left well enough alone. i didn't like high school, few do, and i didn't really want to be there, few do. i didn't party. i didn't drink. i didn't do drugs. i pretty much sat by myself, kept to myself, and came to school in what today would be called pajama's. i was lucky if i combed my hair. i tried to brush all my hair in front of my face and hide under it. even then, i thought i was fat, ugly, and stupid. i wonder if it was my conscience calling me.

anyhow, i went on facebook and changed it so my phone number is no longer visible to anyone, same with my address, and hopefully, who ever it is, sleeps it off. it was such a squeaky weird voice. i had just seen inception earlier in the evening, maybe it was a dream within a dream?

Why do I bother to speak?

The anti-Shannon movement is growing in momentum. Not only am I excluded from discussions, lunches, and get togethers, but now I am exclude from the lottery pool. I want to buy a ticket, win, and do a "I won, You didn't!" dance all around them. I may sound paranoid, but I wish I was paranoid. The insults are really starting to hurt my feelings. They get harsher and harsher each passing day. I really don't like being there at all.

I just need to keep my mouth shut and my head down and hope for the best.