In Sickness and Health

the baby making had a wee bit of a set back, he's sick.
his boys got a tummy virus and he caught it.
my poor man and his poor boys.
it's already hotter then hell outside and to be puking on top of that, no fun!
but i don't care if he's sick or healthy, he's all mine!

went to my nieces high school graduation on friday.
the same gym i graduated from 21 years ago, still no air conditioning.
i saw some people i hadn't seen since then.
suggested they raise money to add air conditioning to the gym before their next kid graduates.
unless the school thinks melting is a part of the ambiance of the ceremony.
which is possible, like a rite of passage for every graduating class to try and not get heat stroke.
warped way to think of it but it's a little town, it could be possible.
traditions are important where i come from!

this holiday weekend is all about keeping inside and keeping cool.
the kid's asthma is triggered on these hot days.
and my allergies are off the charts.
so we are both miserable.
i am purchasing a swimsuit online since my size requirements differ so.
i'm getting a 2 size larger top then bottom.
but i will be going to the pool this year.

i think i've gained 3 more pounds.
first i lost 4 pounds.
i can't stop eating ice cream.
it is the only thing that sounds good in this heat.
i think i'll cut up some strawberries today and eat them in the ice cream.
that's healthier right?

What is on my mind today!

1 - why can't i stop thinking of scott when i know he's a liar and a cheater
2 - why are sophie the puggle's nails so short when i haven't clipped them in forever
3 - sophie the puggle is the puggle of the day at http://www.puggle.org/ (check her out!!!)

So on my birthday i get a message from a guy i went to high school with asking me to go out to dinner and a movie.
i spent the next hour trying to remember who he was.
he was part of the group of guys that were always quiet and wearing stupid smirks, so i thought they were stoners.
they weren't, just watching the girls walk by.

so he lives back home, 2 hours away, his name is John.
we talked on the phone for two hours.
he's okay, but he's already talking mistletoe and holding me, it's like slow down.
the more a man pushes me to intimacy the more i run away.
i think john is still hung up on his son's mother.
they've been broken up quite awhile, but i know how it can be.
he truly loved her and thought they were going to spend their life together.
bret still isn't over lynn and john isn't over tina.
but i agreed to drive down next weekend and to have dinner with him.
you never know unless you try right!

i am playing the truth card with scott.
not sure how he is taking it.
the mystery is gone.
the passion and chemistry is still there.
but now i know he just wants a fuck buddy i feel like i don't have to try or lie.
he's not worth the effort.

i told him that bret knows about us with all the details
and our apt. manager has known since the beginning since i asked about him,
but she doesn't have any details.
i think that's the biggest lie.
there's several smaller ones, but it was standard bullshitting to be more appealing because i didn't know if he wanted a more romantic long term relationship.
now that i know he's not long term material i don't really give a fuck anymore.
i think that has thrown him.
but i haven't talked to him since black friday because his little bunny's daddy is in town.

i asked him if there were any lies he'd like to come clean on.
like not telling me he had a live in girlfriend or that he wasn't single for example.
in case he's forgotten the bullshit he spoons out to get laid.
he's very smooth.

but bret is here and life is good.
bret and i are in a good place.
the sex is good and we click.
it is a shame he only loves me as a friend
but i'm getting over that too.
time is amazing at healing emotional wounds like unrequited love.

this next year i'm going to embrace my life like never before.
i'm making a list of things i've always wanted to do that are doable.
12 of them, one for each month of 2012.
and it has to be budget friendly since i'm going to be saving for my first house.

there are so many bad decisions i've made in the past.
i really should have died several times.
but i'm still here, so i got to pull my head out of my ass and live!!!

good mood

i am in a good mood. it's gloomy outside, but inside i feel all warm and fuzzy.
i have an old high school friend, who i reconnected with on facebook, and is becoming a good friend, coming down for the weekend.
i'm so excited.

i really like him. i like talking to him. i like hearing him talk.
i can't wait until we can sit down face to face and just talk about
anything and everything.

it is so rare for me to click with someone.
i usually am so odd that people just don't get me and
they give up trying to, but he seems to just roll with it
and i think he's got most of me figured out.

it is so refreshing to talk to someone about everything,
and i'm not afraid of offending him or scaring him.
he doesn't make me feel stupid or inferior.
he's not condescending.

this is good. we like the same movies.
and we can agree to disagree on stuff.
i know some people if you don't agree with them on something,
they get all pouty and won't talk to you.
it's so childish.
i am really looking forward to this weekend.
can't wait for it to be saturday night.

here's to friends, old or new, it's always good to hear from you.

i think my conscience called me last night

last night at 10:23 pm the cell phone rang. didn't recognize the number, 513-470-4394, so i let it go. the number left a voice mail. i checked it thinking, wrong number or something. and it was a very weird message left in a female sing song voice. I was thinking drunken saturday night call to wrong number, when the female said my name, then said remember when i used to beat you up in high school. then the female voice proceeded to call me fat, stupid, ugly, etc... it was like my borderline personality disorder called to say outloud all the things i say to myself in my head all the time. Then it said my name again and hung up. so weird!!!

i tried back tracking the number, to no avail, i have no idea who it was. or what i possibly did to them back in high school to deserve such a rant. i don't recall getting beat up in high school. i pretty much kept to myself and left well enough alone. i didn't like high school, few do, and i didn't really want to be there, few do. i didn't party. i didn't drink. i didn't do drugs. i pretty much sat by myself, kept to myself, and came to school in what today would be called pajama's. i was lucky if i combed my hair. i tried to brush all my hair in front of my face and hide under it. even then, i thought i was fat, ugly, and stupid. i wonder if it was my conscience calling me.

anyhow, i went on facebook and changed it so my phone number is no longer visible to anyone, same with my address, and hopefully, who ever it is, sleeps it off. it was such a squeaky weird voice. i had just seen inception earlier in the evening, maybe it was a dream within a dream?