He Comes Around

another visit from my naughty neighbor scott.
he gave me the maintenance information on the jeep.
i swear he loves berta like he really should love that woman he lives with, but to each his own.
we did our usual plus the anal sex for a minute.
that was different, i'm not sure i liked it, my butthole itches now.
he tried to get me off, bless his heart.
you'd think at his age he'd know how to do it a little better then that.
but considering we were standing up against the garage door you do what you can.

i think this was the last time.
the new year begins the new changes in me.
and he won't be allowed to touch me anymore.
i'll have to be mean about it.
i think if i call him a loser and a 2 pump chump he'll not want to talk to or kiss me anymore.
he rocks on the kissing.
i finished him off with a blow job.
i am going to miss his flavor.
it's like creamy with light saltiness...

scott did NOT get me the snowflake necklace.
he thinks maybe the little twin girls gave it to me,
which would be really sweet, but i haven't seen them out so i'll have to ask them when i do.
otherwise, i won't know who gave it to me and that creeps me out a wee bit.

my hip is seriously messed up.
i fell, thank you balance disorder.
and caught myself with my hip against the wall at the top of the stairs.
i've gained 4 pounds back to 199 again.
and i can only walk a bare mile everyday before my hip goes into spasms.

i'm so old, old, old, old, old.
and some people just annoy the crap out of me.
another neighbor asked what i did and i said i fell,
and she said well the bigger you get the harder you fall,
i gave her the look, but did not say, so u think i'm BIG/aka fat!
she back pedaled so fast it gave me whiplash,
then went to well when you're older,
which i gave her another look, but did not say, so u think i'm OLD!!!
i don't like her, she talks like a stoner.
she tries to be nice, but it just comes off as her thinking she's better then me.
stupid bitch!!!
pain makes me mean!!!

crown and ginger ale

wow, i am an idiot!!!

jackie came down around 3pm friday and he was drinking crown and ginger ale while eating a slim jim.
he said the slim jim masked the whiskey.
he wanted me to meet his buddy rob and show him my boobies.
jackie has been talking up my boobs to heights they have never aspired to.
i kept to my one drink rule, thankfully!
and he was right, the slim jim did blank out the whiskey after taste, did i mention he made my drink in a 24 oz glass!
that hit me hard, i was really buzzed.
i wasn't going to show my boobs at all, but jackie walked up behind me and just popped them out.
i was not happy.
his friend left after getting an eyeful, jackie poured me a 2nd drink that i didn't touch.
jackie was trying to talk me into doing him and his roommate.
or at least give them blow jobs!
i was not interested.
jackie whipped out his little manhood, he assurred me it gets bigger, i did not stick around to find out.
new rule --- no drinks at jackie;s and no going inside at jackie's!
the worst part is cindy came over to give jackie his resume she's been helping him with and it was just post boobie exposure!
i was embarassed to say the least.
i know jackie is going to tell scott, i know they talk about shit like that.
but i did not have sex with anyone.
and considering i could be pregnant that will be my last drink too.
i'll use my sugar being high if drinks are offered in the future to pass.

i can take my first pregnancy test on the 11th.
i'm hopeful!

199 and going down!

friday, a month ahead of my 39th birthday, i reached my 199 pound goal. I have 34 more pounds until i reach my final goal of 165 pounds.
i am walking, working out on the wii, watching what i eat, and wearing a size 14.
i am rocking it out!!!

i have to stay dedicated and focused.
these next two months are a critical time.
there will be temptation everywhere.
i cannot let myself give in to old habits.

it's bad enough i can't contain my desires.
the naughty neighbor and i were talking all business, the car i'm buying off of him.
then it took a turn toward the scandalous and we had another "moment"
he called me monica and i said okay bill.
his only dilemma seems to be us living in the same apartment complex.
you aren't supposed to cheat where you live.
so he has no issue with cheating on his live in girlfriend at all.
i found that interesting.

i would like to graduate to actually having all of his clothes off.
and real sex would be nice.
but i'm just enjoying these moments.
it's not like anyone else is knocking down my door.

bret is over and done for good this time.
i care about him, but he takes out his life's frustrations on me.
then he is just brutally mean to me.
and i'm too sensitive to the critisicms to take anymore.
it's not my fault his house got robbed, his daughter has walking pnemonia, and his landlord is evicting him for not paying rent.
but when i tried to take his mind off of it, he snapped my head off.
i don't know what else i can do or say.
i told him i was sorry and i hoped his kid made a quick recovery and i felt bad for him
and if he needed anything to let me know.
i can't do anything right with him and i'm tired of trying.