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Saturday, May 1, 2010

Happily Ever After

I want my happily ever after, and even though logically my head tells me that I have a better chance of being struck by lightening, my heart won't give up the search. I want so badly to have someone to confide in, to hold, to love. I've been through so many bad relationships I can only conclude it's me that's broken. These men have gone on to have long marriages after me, but none of my relationships last more then a year. I was married for 4 years, but we only lived under the same roof 7 months. So it's got to be me.

It makes me sad to think I will be growing old alone. It makes me want to die young. I have a better relationship with my female dog then I've ever had with any friends or men. Other then my kid and my dad I lead an isolated existence. I am not good at making small talk and I get bored easily. I can't even remember simple facts about people I meet, like their names and where they are from. I am just not a people person. I am not able to form meaningful life connections. I have no purpose.

I want to walk out into this rainy day and never look back. But I can't. I am a mother, a daughter, and a dog owner. I have responsibilites that I can't just cut away from. I know I feel unimportant, but I do have duties that are important. I just wish I had someone to hold my hand, kiss my lips, and tell me they understand and they're here for me.

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