I'm working on my inner self trying to find a path that doesn't involve getting my heart ripped out and eating myself to death.
I'm scared of men and love so I've turned to God.
I'm burying myself behind the bible, scripture, weekly church attendance and Amens!
I've taken a vow of chastity and I'm focusing on my own spirtual, physical, emotional and mental health.
My A1C is down to 6.6 from 7.4 a year ago and if I keep going I can stop taking the diabetes medications!
I know through God all things are possible!
As I exercise I keep telling myself that.
I don't mind walking that exercise doesn't bother me at all, but when it is brutal weather I have to exercise inside.
I loathe my stationary bike!
It is nothing personal I'd just rather be outside walking.
But I ride the bike and then I do some minor lifting with a small weight since I have the bad shoulder I do small weight and many repititons.
I get sick of it quickly though, but I know my body needs it to be healthy.
My body is a temple not a wasteland or hollow vessel for men to walk all over!
I'm trying to be a better me.
I know it is in here somewhere but digging her out is more difficult than I ever imagined.
I'm a panic orientated person for all committments.
I never realized how committment phobic I've become.
I don't like putting anything in stone.
It freaks me out!!!!
I've had to start learning how to meditate before I pray.
My mind is so busy and full of static I could not clear it to pray anymore.
Every time I went to pray a million other thoughts would be swirling in there, work, the cute guy at church, chores, tv.
It was ridiculous, how can I connect with God and become calm and centered when I got 200 channels on at once in my head.
So, I bought some books and googled meditation and I taylored it to a more christian theme.
Now I focus on God and repeat an affirmation over and over why I focus on my breathing until I'm relaxed and focused.
Some days it can take 5-10 minutes before that happens.
I feel some days that the entire world lives inside my head and I can't turn it off.
I do feel better after I meditate and then pray.
I get a sense of calm and peace and even feel like one day God will answer me.
I don't ask for much, I mostly thank Him for putting up with me and my stubborn stupidity.
I am very stubborn and stupid and He is a patient Father.
I know I test my dad here on earth I can only imagine how Heavenly Father feels because he KNOWS EVERYTHING and my daddy here DOESN'T - lol :)
But I'am an imperfect soul and all I can do is work towards God's love and be humble, be honest, be kind, and of course, always silly!!!!
May you turn to God's love and it find you well.
I'm scared of men and love so I've turned to God.
I'm burying myself behind the bible, scripture, weekly church attendance and Amens!
I've taken a vow of chastity and I'm focusing on my own spirtual, physical, emotional and mental health.
My A1C is down to 6.6 from 7.4 a year ago and if I keep going I can stop taking the diabetes medications!
I know through God all things are possible!
As I exercise I keep telling myself that.
I don't mind walking that exercise doesn't bother me at all, but when it is brutal weather I have to exercise inside.
I loathe my stationary bike!
It is nothing personal I'd just rather be outside walking.
But I ride the bike and then I do some minor lifting with a small weight since I have the bad shoulder I do small weight and many repititons.
I get sick of it quickly though, but I know my body needs it to be healthy.
My body is a temple not a wasteland or hollow vessel for men to walk all over!
I'm trying to be a better me.
I know it is in here somewhere but digging her out is more difficult than I ever imagined.
I'm a panic orientated person for all committments.
I never realized how committment phobic I've become.
I don't like putting anything in stone.
It freaks me out!!!!
I've had to start learning how to meditate before I pray.
My mind is so busy and full of static I could not clear it to pray anymore.
Every time I went to pray a million other thoughts would be swirling in there, work, the cute guy at church, chores, tv.
It was ridiculous, how can I connect with God and become calm and centered when I got 200 channels on at once in my head.
So, I bought some books and googled meditation and I taylored it to a more christian theme.
Now I focus on God and repeat an affirmation over and over why I focus on my breathing until I'm relaxed and focused.
Some days it can take 5-10 minutes before that happens.
I feel some days that the entire world lives inside my head and I can't turn it off.
I do feel better after I meditate and then pray.
I get a sense of calm and peace and even feel like one day God will answer me.
I don't ask for much, I mostly thank Him for putting up with me and my stubborn stupidity.
I am very stubborn and stupid and He is a patient Father.
I know I test my dad here on earth I can only imagine how Heavenly Father feels because he KNOWS EVERYTHING and my daddy here DOESN'T - lol :)
But I'am an imperfect soul and all I can do is work towards God's love and be humble, be honest, be kind, and of course, always silly!!!!
May you turn to God's love and it find you well.
