God's firework show last night.

wow, the lightning last night was amazing. we lost power for a couple of hours. so i just sat on the couch and watched the show out the window. it looked like there were several very close lightning strikes. but nothing has been fried electronically, so i'm thankful for that.

a guy's car alarm kept going off after every lightning strike. the dog kept growling every time the thunder shook the windows. the storm was fierce. i was in the middle of baking some brownies when the power went out. needless to say, they were a complete lost. i tried to continue baking them 2 hours later when we got power back and it was no good. they were goopy in the center and spongy on the edges. so i tossed them.

my should feels amazing. the cortizone shot into the tendon worked wonders. i slept so good. i feel rested and revived. i've been cleaning, walking the dog, checking out the storm damage.

i think today is going to be a good day. and i really need one of those.
thank you God for the free firework show last night.

Three Shots Today, Sucky Friday

dentist gave me 2 shots in my mouth. I just now was able to eat. It took 3 hours for the shot in my lower right side of my mouth to wear off.

then at the doctor, i got a cortizone shot into my left shoulder tendon.

i'm exhausted. and it started raining while i was walking the dog. so now i'm sweaty and wet, which just makes me feel dirty.

but my should is feeling better and it is friday.
i'm trying to be a positive person.
it is hard on a day like today.

wow, it is really really going to storm.

double d's tomorrow, lovely

i scheduled dentist and doctor appointments 3 hours apart tomorrow.
what did you think double D's meant, perves, mine are triple D's.

i have the dentist at noon to fill cavities.
i have 8 and they are perfectly symmetrical.
4 on each side and the same teeth and same level on each side.
symmetry is pretty and pleasing to my eye.
crooked is evil and ugly.

then at 2:30 i go to the doctor to find out why the left side of my chest is hot to the touch, hurts to touch, has lumps and i can't lift my arm over my head anymore. it's been killing me for over two weeks.
i knew it was time to go to the doctor when i thought about a taking a knife and cutting into the pain. crazy right, but it seemed reasonable to me at the time. luckily, my kid asked me why i had the knife pointed at my chest. snapped me out of it. i really wanted to cut myself, somehow i thought that would make the pain go away. but i throw up at the sight of blood, so it would not have worked. damn, bpd!

i am hoping my numbness from the dentist has worn off by the time i go to the doctor, otherwise the doctor might think i had a stroke.
that would be bad.

yes, tomorrow will be painful, but hopefully, the pain will be temporary and my chest and teeth will be all better.

o migraine, y must u visit me so often.

i got a migraine coming on. i can feel it building and it hurts. i did all my usual heading it off tactics. hot shower, followed by ice packs on my eyes and neck, excederin migrain, and no lights. but i don't think i got to it quick enough. it is going to be a nasty one.

i guess i need buckle up and be prepared to be in a dark cool room for the next 24-48 hours.

migrains just suck!!!

why does she do that?

my kid and i are walking the dog and she starts rattling off all this information about snakes.
burmese pythons have sharp teeth.
water mocassin babies have yellow tipped tails.
etc. etc. etc.

turns out she couldn't sleep last night so she watched animal planet.

she knows i hate snakes.
why does she do that?
she has filled my head up now with all kinds of snake images
and it's making me sick to my stomach.
i asked her repeatedly to stop.
i'm going to have to move to ireland, where it is snake free!

i hate being so open to suggestion.
i think she is an evil genious out to drive me even crazier so she can collect my life insurance.

now i'm going to have snake dreams tonight.
no matter how hard i try to switch those dreams off, the snakes keep popping up.
great, now i'm not going to sleep tonight.
lovely!!!
evil, my kid is evil!!!!

Amy Winehouse death

Amy Winehouse died, a tragic but not surprising death of a very talented, but lost woman. I am listening to rehab and i am thinking, people would kill for that voice, that talent.

It is amazing how our inner demons can consume us. I read she was diagnosed as bi-polar. It is typical for alot of people with bi-polar disorder to self medicate with drugs and alcohol.

i know i don't drink anymore, because when i start drinking i can't stop until i puke or pass out. there's this limbo in the booze where you don't feel anything. you aren't sad, you're not happy, it's such a relief when you are bi-polar, like i am, to reach a state of existing without a single emotion. my emotions dominate me, control me, and twist me like a loose leaf in a hurricane wind.

i get exhausted from it and i just want to kill all emotions. destroy them and exorcise the feelings, but to do that i have to destroy myself. and that is the danger. i've never been drawn to illegal drugs. i have control issues on top of being bi-polar and having borderline personality disorder. when i do drink, i prefer to drink alone. i like the quiet and numbness. it is more enjoyable.

i hope she has found peace.
that is all i have ever been searching for in my life.

another muggy day

wow, it is muggy as hades out there today.
i ran to the grocery and it poured rain and dropped 10 degrees,
but 10 minutes after the rain stopped it was back to hot and humid.
i don't miss tv at all. the kid freaked when it went out for a couple of days.
i hope we pull it together enough to get her off to college in the fall, so i can get rid of the cable for good.

i think i will stay inside today and rest.
tomorrow is a big work day, it sucks that it's a sunday, but that is how it goes with computers.
sunday and holidays are prime implementations and upgrade days.
the dog is even not wanting to go outside, so u know it is that HOT!!!

ice cream sounds really really good right now!