migraine took its toll

i got on the wii this morning and since tuesday i've lost 7.3 pounds due to my migraine.
i couldn't keep food down, it was either coming out of one end or the other.
now i'm trying to ease my way back into food.
i just had some cucumbers and water.
i have to go to the grocery.
i know i need to kick start my weight loss again because it had stalled, but this is NOT what I had in mind.

taking it easy this weekend.
it's going to be cold and rainy.
i'm going to clean and just avoid certain if not all people.
i'm going to get a hair cut.
and possibly color my hair.

here's hoping to a peaceful and relaxing weekend.

10 years later

9/11/11 - 10 years have past, but it could be a 100 years and the pain lingers, you will not be forgotten.

Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. ~ Rossiter W. Raymond

we must remember, keep the pain close, and hold onto it, pass it down, and let our children's children know the heartache. remembering is the only way to make sure this tradgedy is never repeated. once we forget our past we open the door to repeating it's mistakes.

may peace begin within you and spread outward from you like the brightest light that no darkness can ever conquer!

worry not my daughter

my kid is definitely going back to school in september!!!
what good news for her and me!
she got her acceptance letter for her program and next friday she takes her placement test.
we send in her deposit for a dorm room tomorrow!

i will have a calm quiet and peaceful house when september ends.

i am feeling better today, but still did not sleep well.
lots of up and down and my left side still hurts.
i only walked one mile yesterday.
i'm going to push for two miles today.

my couch gets fixed today, yipee!!!
life is good.

Amy Winehouse death

Amy Winehouse died, a tragic but not surprising death of a very talented, but lost woman. I am listening to rehab and i am thinking, people would kill for that voice, that talent.

It is amazing how our inner demons can consume us. I read she was diagnosed as bi-polar. It is typical for alot of people with bi-polar disorder to self medicate with drugs and alcohol.

i know i don't drink anymore, because when i start drinking i can't stop until i puke or pass out. there's this limbo in the booze where you don't feel anything. you aren't sad, you're not happy, it's such a relief when you are bi-polar, like i am, to reach a state of existing without a single emotion. my emotions dominate me, control me, and twist me like a loose leaf in a hurricane wind.

i get exhausted from it and i just want to kill all emotions. destroy them and exorcise the feelings, but to do that i have to destroy myself. and that is the danger. i've never been drawn to illegal drugs. i have control issues on top of being bi-polar and having borderline personality disorder. when i do drink, i prefer to drink alone. i like the quiet and numbness. it is more enjoyable.

i hope she has found peace.
that is all i have ever been searching for in my life.

Mark Twain is timeless

"I've never wished a man dead, but I've read some obituaries with great pleasure." - Mark Twain

Wow, the is how i felt today reading the news that bin laden had been killed. i just love Mark Twain.

"An inglorious peace is better than a dishonorable war."
- Mark Twain 1906

I hope for a long moment of peace.

Happy Memorial Day!!!

Today is a day to remember those who served our country, the military men and women. My family has a long tradition of military service dating back to the civil war. I am proud of those that join the military. I hope for peace every day, but I sleep well at night knowing the fine men and women that are there to protect our country.

I hope one day war and violence will be only a story that children are told as a cautionary tale of warning.

Until then, thank you soldiers and their families, and other that support them for their sacrifice.