Breaking Up Hurts

well, it is over!
and this one hurt, i cried, i still might cry.
and i'm so confused.
i don't understand why he broke it off.

we had moved passed the whole facebook of his ex-wife debacle.
we had moved passed my panic attack regarding him not communicating with me.
but my working with his best friend's brother is a deal breaker?

he says it's more drama and he's done with the drama.

life is drama!

it started out yesterday as a good day.
we were flirting.
it was good.
i go to lunch with the guys at work.
i'm talking about him like i have the past 4 months.
a co-worker goes which tire place does he work at,
i say the one near my house, he goes, so it's B.
and i said yeah, you know him.
and he said my brother and him are best buds.

so i text b. thinking my co-worker is pulling my leg
and my boyfriend goes to this...
wtf? are you stalking me and my friends now on line
just stop, etc....

i said no, i work with his brother.

do i get an apology, NO, i get, i guess i have trust issues.

so i say we both do and by the way,
does your best friend have video or pictures of me.

i know he shared some of them with his best friend and i was okay with that until i found out i work with his best friend's brother.

then my boyfriend wants to know everything i've said about him in the past 4 months to my co-worker, like i can remember?!?

my co-worker had texted his brother, what about i don't know, and his brother texted my boyfriend about it, and my boyfriend texted me and said it was too much drama and we were done.

yup, this is my life..

is this not the stupidest thing ever?

It's Going to Be Alright

braved getting on the wii today to weigh myself and do some yoga
the wii board was happy to inform me it had been 20 days since my last visit
i'm thinking, oh no, i've gained, i've gained,
but i was surprised i'd lost 4.9 pounds in 20 days.

it's not some record or anything it is just the right direction.
i started writing down what i eat and i mean everything i eat.
that keeps me honest and lets me see how much i'm eating.
now i'm starting to count calories, carbs, fat and fiber again.
i'm slowly getting back into the weight loss groove.

the yoga kicked my butt.
my balance was still okay though.
my new man is starting a px90 work out.
he says it's intense and an hour a day.

i'm going to do what works for me.

i will wii, walk, count calories and carbs.
it can be a pain and if i'm feeling lazy like i have since january,
i gain back weight.
but considering my lowest weight back in november was 193 i didn't go too crazy.
but i'm starting to feel like my old self.
the sadness and emotional turmoil is lifting.
my new man is a breath of fresh air.

i asked him to give me a hickey and he gave me a huge one.
he just excites me to the core.
just sitting here thinking about him turns me on.
there's this amazing connection that is physical and euphoric.
i'm not in love, i'm in primal animal full sexual peak.
i know i'm going to be stupid and fall in love eventually.
he explained to me when a woman gets an orgasm from a man
she releases a chemical in her brain that attaches her to that man.
and i'm attached or addicted whatever you want to call it.

i went 6 months with no orgasms to him giving me 10 in an hour.
how could i not want that as much as possible?!

today is about getting back on track in my life, health, and happiness.
i finally get that feeling that it's going to be alright!

someone disabled my biological interface filter

wow, i've really put my foot in my mouth this time. and i can't seem to stop. i've been so hopped up on caffiene for the last couple days to stay awake to get through the extra work load that my mouth has been running at 5 times the speed of my thoughts. this has resulted in some people outside my department and maybe a few in my department to get offended. i need to get my disabled biological interface filter back on line, ie.. i need to shut my trap and focus on the work.

i've been manic for like 5 days now and i'm crashing bad. i am looking forward to my dentist appointment tomorrow for several reasons. i get pain pills. i get to take the afternoon off of work and i'll be so numb from the procedure i won't be able to talk for at least two hours afterwords!!!!

i'm afraid the damage might already be done though. i can't take back what i said, heck, i can't remember even a quarter of what i said. someone said well you shouldn't have said that and i was like i said that, and they were like yeah. and i was honest and said i didn't remember. that is what happens when i get manic, stuff just flies out of my mouth and i don't remember what i said or to who or when. it's is crazy!!! i was craving sugar, pop, zingers, twinkies, ice cream.... i spent money i don't have and just made a general ass out of myself in front of co-workers.

yup, a sucky week and it's only wednesday. i think i've gotten myself calmed down, but now i'm so exhausted from it all i just want to sleep for a week. i really need some vacation time!!!

not much going on

more rain, more work, more boredom, on top of boredom. disney channel shows are so obnoxious. i leave it on disney in the morning for the dog so she doesn't get lonely. handy manny i can stomach, but the retarded show that's on the boat with the twins is the stupidest, most predictable thing i've ever seen on t.v. the laugh track is constantly going and the jokes are lame-O!!!

i do like phineous and ferb (i probably spelled phineous wrong) why do kids watch this crap, do they just not want to do their homework. and to make it worse i can't find the remote to change it. and where are the parents? why does every kid show find a way to write out the parents? I think the reason patricide has increased is because networks have portrayed on t.v. that life is so much easier and better without your parental units. crazy? maybe, but maybe i'm on to something.