Breaking Up Hurts

well, it is over!
and this one hurt, i cried, i still might cry.
and i'm so confused.
i don't understand why he broke it off.

we had moved passed the whole facebook of his ex-wife debacle.
we had moved passed my panic attack regarding him not communicating with me.
but my working with his best friend's brother is a deal breaker?

he says it's more drama and he's done with the drama.

life is drama!

it started out yesterday as a good day.
we were flirting.
it was good.
i go to lunch with the guys at work.
i'm talking about him like i have the past 4 months.
a co-worker goes which tire place does he work at,
i say the one near my house, he goes, so it's B.
and i said yeah, you know him.
and he said my brother and him are best buds.

so i text b. thinking my co-worker is pulling my leg
and my boyfriend goes to this...
wtf? are you stalking me and my friends now on line
just stop, etc....

i said no, i work with his brother.

do i get an apology, NO, i get, i guess i have trust issues.

so i say we both do and by the way,
does your best friend have video or pictures of me.

i know he shared some of them with his best friend and i was okay with that until i found out i work with his best friend's brother.

then my boyfriend wants to know everything i've said about him in the past 4 months to my co-worker, like i can remember?!?

my co-worker had texted his brother, what about i don't know, and his brother texted my boyfriend about it, and my boyfriend texted me and said it was too much drama and we were done.

yup, this is my life..

is this not the stupidest thing ever?

Resistance is Futile

Sonnet 116 - the bard, Shakespeare
Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments.

Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.

O no, it is an ever-fixèd mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.

Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

i fell in love with a man who will never love me back.
and then i took what he told me, deep and dark admissions of who he was,
and i turned them on him and used it against him like a weapon.

i shall never blog of this man again after this.

this is my apology to him.
i am a coward.
i can write how i feel, but i can't say how i feel.

i love you just the way you are and i love all of you,
the demons, and all their baggage.
you are perfect to me!
i tried to resist it. i fought it to the bitter end.
i tried to blow it up. i tried to stab it with my words.
i tried to kill it with my actions.
but my love for you is still here and it's not going anywhere!
my apologies will never be enough,
i did damage like i always do when i'm scared.
and i knew i was falling in love with you and it terrified me, so i panicked.

you must be the strong one.
i am the weak one.
if you come i will not tell you to go or tell you no.
resistance is futile when love is in charge and i was never good enough for you.

i love you Scott!