Back Pains

I have fibromyalgia syndrome (fms). I've been told by different doctors that it's
1 - an over active nerve condition
2 - a sleep disorder
3 - all in my head
4 - a neuron transmitter issue in the brain

I have gotten used to the constant throbs and aches that range from annoying to excruciatingly painful. I've gotten used to the fact that any physical activity I do results in huge pain. I've tried excercise, diet, medications, prayer and physical therapy. I've been to web sites, read books, consulted specialist, and heard opinions of the non medical people who think they know how to fix your ailments. And all that I know is that after 10 years of this crap I'm just tired of it all.

I've accepted that no one really knows what causes fms, how to treat fms, or if you ever get cured of fms. What works for one person won't work for another and what really gets frustrating is that approximately every 6-12 months what ever was working stops working and you are back to square one.

I have come to the conclusion that I need a new brain! The fms, bi-polar disorder, and borderline personality disorder are all connected to the brain and how it functions. Clearly, my brain does not function well. It's broken and needs replaced. Talk to anyone who knows me and they would agree and only be 1/2 kidding. I have accepted the fact that I will never be the healthy one, the thin one, the thoughtful one, the creative one, the tactful one, the happy one, the pretty one. I am simply the crazy obesely fat one!

I did come up with a few guidelines in my treatment protocols. I will be put on no medication unless it's been on the market long enough to have a generic. I learned this the hard way when bextra was working wonderfully for me and it got pulled off the market because it was causing deaths. I also will not let any doctor try to tell me fms doesn't exist. It does. I feel it and live with it every day. And the final guideline is get lots of rest, drink lots of fluids, and remember suicide is not a solution! (merely a temptation and coward's way out)

No one ever told me life would be easy or fun or interesting. My parents were wise to critize me, let me fall down, tell me the truth, and not coddle me in fear of hurting my feelings. Because of how I was raised, with love, sarcasm, and self-deprecating humor I am able to survive this one day at a time. I can even laugh sometimes. So it's not all bad, but right now the bad and the good are tied.

So I'm off to lie down, in hopes my arms will stop aching, my back will stop throbbing, and my dizziness and headache will pass. The ibprofen taken. The hot shower and icy hot is next. And I'll hope like a fool, that tomorrow will be a better less painful day.