Sinus Valley

As if being mental wasn't enough, I have the sinus headache from hell. My head is killing me. My outdoor allergies are knocking me on my butt. I have tried every prescription and otc sinus/allergy med there is and nothing helps. It's so frustrating. Even the non-drowsy crap makes me sleepy. I feel like someone is smacking me with a brick right across my forehead.

The weatherman says it's going to be a beautiful hot sunny day. He forgot to mention that with every one cutting the grass and all the flowers bloomy, it's also going to be a whammy for you sinus and allergy suffers to be suffering. Always a catch for me.

The sneezing doesn't bother me as much as my eyes watery constantly does. It makes it hard to see. And that annoys me when I'm trying to work or drive. And when it's nice outside the dog wants extra walks. I don't blame her for wanting to go outside more when the sun is shining and the birds are singing.

I wish I could spend more time outside without feeling like I am being stuffed with cotton. I think I'm allergic to the outside. Not just grass, pollen, and air borne stuff, but the creatures as well. Bees, wasps, hornets, spiders, it's just God's world out there and I'd rather be in my man made little world inside on the computer.

Home Sweet Home

My Baby G is home!!!! Yesterday was exhausting!!!! It's an 8 hour round trip drive to Louisville and back. I call it a back killing and butt numbing trip. The few car accidents that got in the way didn't help the timing either. And it taking 2 hours to load her up and clean her dorm room was an hour more then I had anticipated.

She hadn't vacuumed her dorm room since December. It was so gross!!! I emptied the vacuum extra large "bucket" 4 times!!! I did find 11 cents though. My Dad really out did himself, he rocks!!! He hauled all the heavy stuff down all those stairs, including the fridge. The dorm fridge she bought was alot bigger then I thought it would be. She said she had to get the big one because it was the only one that had a freezer big enough for her jumbo back of chicken nuggets. My kid LOVES her chicken nuggets even at 19!!!

She's sound asleep still and it's after 11AM. All her stuff is in the garage. It is not going to put itself away and I am certainly not going to unpack her. She's a woman now and she's got to do things for herself. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Now if I can just get her to pass her driver's test she'll almost be all grown up. Wish me luck with that one.

The Final Countdown

I'm so excited!!!! 24 hours from now my daughter will be home from her freshman year of college. It's an 7 hour round trip from here to Louisville, not to mention the ton of stairs we have to go up and down to load up all her stuff in Dad's mini-van, but I'm still so excited to be seeing her. I haven't seen her since the first week of March.

It's been so depressing not being with her every day. Sometimes she drives me nuts and other times she cracks me up. I get so bored without her. I guess I should've developed hobbies or kept up with friendships while I was raising her so I'd have something to do when she went away to college. But honestly, I thought she was going to a local college and going to live at home or at least be home every weekend.

But she's happy at her college in Louisville and she wants to be a lawyer right now. And more power to her. But she tells me no FREE legal advice. I'm going broke sending her to college and I get no free legal advice when she becomes a lawyer. Like I said she really cracks me up sometimes.

Why do I bother to speak?

The anti-Shannon movement is growing in momentum. Not only am I excluded from discussions, lunches, and get togethers, but now I am exclude from the lottery pool. I want to buy a ticket, win, and do a "I won, You didn't!" dance all around them. I may sound paranoid, but I wish I was paranoid. The insults are really starting to hurt my feelings. They get harsher and harsher each passing day. I really don't like being there at all.

I just need to keep my mouth shut and my head down and hope for the best.

if i had a million dollars....

oh my, watching the news about the fraud against Goldman-Sachs, and I'm disgusted. Ripping off hard working people just to make a buck is becoming America businesses new mission statement.

Enron, Bernie Madoff, now GS, it just won't ever end. I keep buying my lottery tickets that's the only way I could ever escape from my debt. Being unemployed for most of 2008 put me in a downward spiral that even though I've been working for over a year now, I still am seeing repercussions from my period of unemployment.

i know it sounds cliche, but if i had a million dollars, after the tithes, the taxes, and the clearing of debt i'd get a massage and pedicure every week and never have to clean my house again. It's the simple things in life that make life worth living and for me that's getting a good foot rub and having my toe nails painted some pretty kind of pink.

Exercise Hates Me!

At what point is exercise supposed to start boosting my endorphins and increasing my energy level? I've been working out for a over a month now and I just feel like shit after every work out. My body hurts, aches, throbs for days. My back just burns with pain. I know I was out of shape to the extreme, that's why I joined Curves, because it's simple and low impact. I feel like I've been impacted by an asteroid!!!!

It makes me not want to go anymore, but I have got to lose weight. It's a catch 22 for me. I'm on meds for my cholesterol plus I'm eating a low fat diet and I've not lost any weight. I'm totally confused. It's like my body loves being fat and doesn't want to give any of it up. I will soldier on, but it's really starting to depress me.

Another Boring Weekend!

I have one more boring weekend to get through until next week when my kid comes home from college. There's cleaning to do and more cleaning to do. I honestly wish things could just stay clean. I really do hate housework. I can't afford to hire someone and I loathe the tasks. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, picking up, folding, putting away, taking out trash, dusting, scooping the litter box and it's just like the instructions on the back of a shampoo bottle, rinse and repeat... I don't like the repeat part.

I buy paper plates, plastic utensils, and anything that I can throw away rather then having to keep it and wash it. I'd rather fill the landfill and rot the planet then do dishes. Does that make me a bad person? Or just extremely lazy? And is being lazy bad?

Almost a Friday

It's almost Friday. I feel bad for Thursday. It never gets any credit. It's not the hump day like Wednesday. It's not TGIF like Friday. It's just a day. Poor Thursday! I feel like a Thursday. I think I was born on a Tuesday though, you know, Tuesday's child is full of woe.

I am full of woe. I've been feeling isolated ever since my kid went off to college this past fall. Moving over the summer to over 2 hours away from my family didn't help that feeling at all. I had broken in all the people I knew to my moods and quirks. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make friends when you have bi-polar and borderline personality disorder? Theres a conversation killer. Hi my name is Shannon and I'm crazy. Do you want to be my friend?

Insert - heavy sigh - here!

Most of the people in my life have known me for at least 20 years or more (or for the kids in my life they've known me their whole lives so they wouldn't know me being any different then how I am now) I am socially inept. Well, the dog loves me, I guess I can't really expect more then that.

This will be a blog no one ever reads

There's alot of warnings about being careful when blogging or posting personal information on-line. This intimidated me enough to avoid blogging. I final could no longer resist and started a personal blog a couple of months ago showcasing my pathetic creative endeavors.

I have concluded that for me I can post as much personal information as I want and it's perfectly safe. Why? Because no one reads my blogs. No one cares. You know it's sad but true. My musings are boring. I'm boring. But still I cannot deny my urge to empty my head of all it's inane babbling.

It's so soothing just to write down whatever annoyance is currently on my mind. It frees me to see it in print. I feel as if I can get all the bad out of my brain and become a better person. A non bi-polar person. A cure for my borderline personality disorder. The death of being tri-polar.

Maybe my goals are too lofty. Maybe this is an up day. I could use one it's been awhile. Maybe it's time to go back to the shrink and get amped up on dozens of pills again. But maybe, just maybe, this blog can be a different kind of self medicating for me. Just maybe I won't wish I really didn't have a brain.