I Give Up

I give up.
I'm getting fixed.
The decision has been made.
The tests have been done.

There is nothing keeping me from having another child physically.
The tests showed no tumors, cysts, fibroids, cancers, blockages, etc.
My uterus is tilted and prolapsed which could make it difficult to carry to term.
But I'm 41 despite every time I go to my OB-GYN she keeps thinking I'm only in my early 30's.
I'm flattered I look so young, but I've had to correct her 3 times now.
She keeps saying are you sure you want to do the hysterectomy you're what 32-33 and I go I'm 41.
And she's like I'm sorry I keep doing that with you don't I, and I'm like yes, and she goes, you look so young.
Which again, is flattering, but really, read the top of the chart, not just the cliff notes.

So my uterus and cervix will come out but I keep my ovaries and fallopian tubes.
This will fix all my issues.
My awful, painful, extensive, blood bath periods.
I go through jumbo pad which the last bag I went through was labeled a 3 month supply based on average use.
Well, my periods aren't average.

I have to take tramadol for the pain and muscle relaxers for the cramps.
I have to change pads every hour or I bleed through them and then my pants.
Plus, the doctor said removing the uterus will take care of the prolapse which could help the pressure issue I have during sex and the leaking issue I have.
She said it might not fix all of my leak issues but it could help quite a bit.

I have the insurance now.
I have the ability to work from home for the 4-6 week recovery period now.
I have the support with my friends and daughter in place now.
I don't know if I will have that 5-6 years which is when the 2nd option will wear off.

The 2nd choice was to have my tubes tied and get an uterine ablation.
The uterine ablation itself can cause bleeding, cramping, pain, organ damage, infections and weight gain.
I have type 2 diabetes I'm working very hard to lose weight.
Any options that cause weight gain the doctor and I pretty much eliminated.
Plus, if it wears off before I start menopause I could have periods again.
I have no idea from my family history what the average age of menopause is, most the woman in my family had hysterectomies after giving birth at some point and usually by my age at the latest.

I wish I had more children, but that wasn't meant to me.
I had a year to deal with that and come to terms with it.
This is the best for my health.
Maybe someday my kid will give me a grandchild, maybe not.
I feel blessed to have been a Mother to the one child I have.
I have to do what is right for me and this is what is good for my health.

Cramps and Boredom

well my female cycle was late and for some reason it has come with a fury.
i'm cramping, bleeding through pads, and i hurt like crazy.
i try all the pms pills but they don't help.
i have no appetite, no joy, no hope, no desire to move.
i just want to stare into the inside of my eyelids and not sleep.
i love this boredom because i choose it.

still no house.
we are on hold until the end of july.
i feel like goldilocks, this house is too small,
this house is too big, there's a basement, there's a funky smell, etc..
the one house we wanted we got outbid on, oh well.
maybe the summer we will have better luck and find that one house that is for us.

so today the big plan is to do laundry and be lazy.
i think i can do it!

15 days of blood

my period started july 28th and has continued, it stopped for a 1/2 day on august 1st and again on august 4th, but started again!!!

it just won't end. i am being weened off of medication and i think thata is the cause,but i think i'm going to call the ob/gyn tomorrow morning.

the bleeding is getting heavier and the cramps are getting more painful. i think my uterus is trying to escape!!!

it sucks to be female sometimes.

i have run out of pads twice. it's like the period that will not end, it goes on and on my friends!!!

Cramps

i hate life right now. i'm almost 40 and i get cramps like i'm in my 20's still. i started a birth control pill 2 months ago that was supposed to reduce cramping and the length of my period. So far, it gave me 2 periods and a trip to the hospital in November and now my Dec. period is really painful and crampy. I go to the doctor this coming Friday and see if I give it 1 more full month or kick it's sorry ass to the curb. I'm too old for this shit.