Pictures are Worth It

well, my latest and greatest sexual adventure is going well.
he comes over about 2 times a week.
we have sex, i sometimes get multiple orgasms, i at least get one,
but he always aims to please.
we are even taking dirty pictures of ourselves.
for our own pleasure of course.

i sprained my lower back by over exerting it.
and i'm sure slipping in the bath tub didn't help.
so i'm on muscle relaxers and pain killers.
i've been high as a kite all week.
i'm being very careful now to ween myself off them.
my lower back is popping and cracking like crazy.
now the pain is dull and throbbing whereas before it was sharp and stabbing pain.
i like to think that is progress.

next week i'm taking a couple of vacation days.
going to get my nieces and we are going to go see a soccer game.
i hope they like it.

here's hoping next week brings me health and more orgasms!

i screwed it up like always

so Monday goes by and he doesn't show. he finally fb's me to say he's still at work.
by now i'm getting a migraine, so i decide to take the medication the doctor gave me for when i feel the start of a migraine. i take two as directed.

about 2 hours later the doorbell rings and it's him. or i think it's him. i was stoned out of my ever loving mind.
i couldn't talk. i don't know how i was walking. i don't know if it was a dream or if it really happened.
i'm hoping it was an hallucination, which is a side effect of the meds, along with slurred speech, sharp stabbing pains in my arms, drowsiness, weakness, dizziness, numbness, and my favorite a decrease in sexual ability.

i had all the above and according to the internet i should have gone to the emergency room.
but instead i think i tried and failed miserably to have sex with scott.
and i was so looking forward to it.
i don't even know if he popped my ass cherry.
it's not like i could feel it, i couldn't feel anything.
i was high, i was numb.

i did pass out.
and i woke up with no migraine.
so that part worked.
but i threw them in trash
the side effects aren't worth it.

i sent scott a fb apology.
if he was here i really fucked it up.
i think i give up.
we shouldn't have to work this hard to be together.
i'm too lazy for it.

the woes of being a woman

another day of severe cramping and bleeding for naught. i'm not having another child ever, so i just bide my sweet time until menopause. how i envy women that don't have periods. my brain has been so fuddled i drove right past my exit yesterday. i didn't realize it until i saw home depot, which is right after my exit. i had lost all sense of where i was in the drive. i had to turn around and come back to it.
i hate when i space out while i'm driving. it's like i turn into a car zombie or go on automatic pilot.

my lower back has been throbbing and knotted lately. it aches and hurts and i really am getting aggravated over it. i've been using icy hot, taking over the counter stuff for it, but nothing seems to work. i know i just twisted it or strained it somehow. i think if i could lose some weight and get my bones and muscles some relief from all this hideous fat on me, then just maybe i wouldn't hurt so much.

my shoulder hurts so bad sometimes that i am tempted to take a knife and cut where the pain is, it's pressure and burning and just feels like my muscle is tied up in a knot. i know logically if i cut my shoulder with a knife not only will i still have the original pain, but there will be new pain, blood, and loads of questions about my mental health, but the temptation remains.

i've avoided asking the doctor for meds to help. i hate popping pills. but i think i've hit a full fledge flair up and if it's between slicing and dicing myself when i'm wracked with pain or taking a muscle relaxer, the pill wins. this makes me sad. i've been prescription free for over two years now, but this is the worst i've hurt in a very long time.

i guess we'll see what the doctor says when i go.