sadness is my second skin

i'm covered in sadness since friday night. i got dumped, i cheated on my diet, i got a migraine, i overspent and am short on rent now, and today is the 15th anniversary of my Mother's death.

yes, sadness is my second skin.

I kept crying all weekend. It hurt so much to be told that he only wants to be friends and the i will never never ever be anything more to him then his friend. i was so disappointed in him. i know he's going thru alot with his ex, but he's shutting me out. why does he have to make life 10x's harder then it needs to be? i am in love with him.

i am good at loving him. all he had to do was sit back and relax and let me love him, but he can't do that. he doesn't believe he deserves to be treated with love, respect, kindness. i had hoped with time he'd realize how wonderful we are together. how we could build a little family together. i truly love him and his child. i feel like a deflated balloon, denied my right to soar to the sky.

i think my Mom would have liked him. I wish she were here right now. She'd have alot to say, she always did.

So i binged on a small thin crusted bacon cheeseburger from domino's and it was so good!!! but i felt awful, then all the stress gave me a migraine and i missed work yesterday. but i've been good and i'll just have to fess up and talk to the dietician about it. i've got to battle my demons, and emotional eating is one of them.

i lost the battle on friday, but i'm still in the war.
the revolution continues...