sickness

i've been fighting a sinus infection since the weekend. i even missed a day of work. this week i've only wanted to lie in bed and sleep. i feel totally drained of all energy. it's an extreme effort to breathe. my nose is plugged up. my lungs are straining under the burden of my excessive weight. i pop over the counter remedies, because i don't have the co-pay to see the doctor to get an antibiotic. either my body will win this one or it won't.

i have to wonder if some of this is my depression. i am not really rev'd up to fight this off. i just want to succumb and wallow in the misery. every ache and pain is a relief, because it's proof i still feel something. the dark circles under my gray eyes make me look like a shadow of my former self. only if the disease would kill my appetite then it would be perfect.

yet i still manage to eat. i drink more water now. and pop to get thru the work hours, but there's no flavor or taste to any of it. i'm just going thru the motions. it's what you do. you wake up. you go to work. you eat. you talk. you smile. you laugh. you come home and you collapse. i don't want to leave the comfort of my bed. the hot showers soothe the aches, the icy hot relieves some of the pain. but what i really want, is just to sleep, undisturbed for 24 hours straight. but between the job, the kid, and the dog, i'm lucky to get 3 hours at a time.

i'm just so over being a productive member of society.