why do i do this to myself? i know the meat is too spicy for me, but i eat it anyways. and it attacks my stomach and causes me to puke. i burn and twist with misery. i know the food will do this but it sounded so good. i do this to me all the time. especially when it comes to food. i know i have to give up certain foods, to save my teeth (pop), to save my heart (cheese) and just to be healthy (choc, pizza, fast food) but yet i sit at the edge, hesitant to commit.
i'm always hesitant to commit to anything. i have been engaged 4 times and only married once, that ended in divorce. i don't like to join clubs that cost money, in case, i change my mind, then i'm out of that money, like curves for a recent example. now i'm hesitating on picking furniture, because i don't know if i can just stick to one color. i didn't like my last sectional. it was alright for like a year then the color and size just started to annoy me. i didn't pick it out, the ex did that, that could have explained my increased hostility towards the furniture. i have issues, i know that, and i try to work on them, but i always end back where i started.
it's like i'm in a infinite self-inflicted loop of misery, saddness, lonliness, depression, over eating, emotional eating, flabby, fatty and over spending existence. i don't even know if that makes any sense. i just get so tired of repeating my mistakes and not even realizing it until afterwards. hindsight is truly 20/20 in my case.
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