Happily Ever After

I want my happily ever after, and even though logically my head tells me that I have a better chance of being struck by lightening, my heart won't give up the search. I want so badly to have someone to confide in, to hold, to love. I've been through so many bad relationships I can only conclude it's me that's broken. These men have gone on to have long marriages after me, but none of my relationships last more then a year. I was married for 4 years, but we only lived under the same roof 7 months. So it's got to be me.

It makes me sad to think I will be growing old alone. It makes me want to die young. I have a better relationship with my female dog then I've ever had with any friends or men. Other then my kid and my dad I lead an isolated existence. I am not good at making small talk and I get bored easily. I can't even remember simple facts about people I meet, like their names and where they are from. I am just not a people person. I am not able to form meaningful life connections. I have no purpose.

I want to walk out into this rainy day and never look back. But I can't. I am a mother, a daughter, and a dog owner. I have responsibilites that I can't just cut away from. I know I feel unimportant, but I do have duties that are important. I just wish I had someone to hold my hand, kiss my lips, and tell me they understand and they're here for me.

Almost a Friday

It's almost Friday. I feel bad for Thursday. It never gets any credit. It's not the hump day like Wednesday. It's not TGIF like Friday. It's just a day. Poor Thursday! I feel like a Thursday. I think I was born on a Tuesday though, you know, Tuesday's child is full of woe.

I am full of woe. I've been feeling isolated ever since my kid went off to college this past fall. Moving over the summer to over 2 hours away from my family didn't help that feeling at all. I had broken in all the people I knew to my moods and quirks. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make friends when you have bi-polar and borderline personality disorder? Theres a conversation killer. Hi my name is Shannon and I'm crazy. Do you want to be my friend?

Insert - heavy sigh - here!

Most of the people in my life have known me for at least 20 years or more (or for the kids in my life they've known me their whole lives so they wouldn't know me being any different then how I am now) I am socially inept. Well, the dog loves me, I guess I can't really expect more then that.