No More Secrets and Lies

i gave up my biggest secret.
i know the fallout for me is minimal.
i feel bad and relieved all at the same time.
i don't know what the future holds for myself and them, but at least there's no more secrets and lies.

i am going to keep moving forward.
i know i'm alone.
i was warned me this would happen.
he's made a promise now but i don't know if he can keep it.
i know i couldn't keep mine to him.

what motivates me?

a guilty conscience, jealousy, loneliness, and desire for what will never be mine.

all of the above were my motivations.
i've been thinking about telling the secret for months.
it started after i lost the baby.
it weighed heavily on my heart, maybe if i wasn't lying and keeping secrets i'd still be pregnant.
i feel like karma was punishing me and the only way to square it up was to tell.

i never promised i wouldn't tell.
that is the promise you should have had me make.
that is the promise i could have kept.

back to the doctor tomorrow to have blood work done
and to see if a mole on my nose needs to be checked for cancer.