Independence Day Blues

Happy Independence Day my fellow Americans!
Please blow up things responsibly!

I'm so depressed today.
I have the right to be depressed.
I have the right to pursue happiness.
You notice the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights don't even mention happiness only the Declaration of Independence does and it only says it is a right to pursue it.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" - Declaration of Independence.

The United States of America began with the best of intentions and the noblest of purposes and now it is a mess, but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

We might have lost our way some but we still believe in freedom and freedom is a beautiful and rare thing in today's world.

I have choices.
I might make horrible choices, but that is my right.
I don't have to cover my head or body and only show my eyes.
I can read, work and drive a car.
I can marry or not marry whom ever I want.
I can have sex with whom ever I want.
Sure, I might burn in Hell, but again it is my decisions to make.

I am blessed to live in a country where I have so much freedom and so many choices.
I make mistakes, but I love that I can work, pay my own way and be my own woman.
I am important and I do matter and I do contribute to society in a positive way.
I don't need a man to hold my hand, protect me, or provide for me.

God Bless America!
And I bless God!

Cramps and Boredom

well my female cycle was late and for some reason it has come with a fury.
i'm cramping, bleeding through pads, and i hurt like crazy.
i try all the pms pills but they don't help.
i have no appetite, no joy, no hope, no desire to move.
i just want to stare into the inside of my eyelids and not sleep.
i love this boredom because i choose it.

still no house.
we are on hold until the end of july.
i feel like goldilocks, this house is too small,
this house is too big, there's a basement, there's a funky smell, etc..
the one house we wanted we got outbid on, oh well.
maybe the summer we will have better luck and find that one house that is for us.

so today the big plan is to do laundry and be lazy.
i think i can do it!

Back against the Clock

Time is running out on the house hunt.
I have until Monday before I'm locked out of the account i was borrowing from to do the down payment for a month.

I guess it is a good thing because after 19 houses, being out bidded by $1261, and passing on a bidding war for another house, i'm burnt out on it.

I'm going to take this next month to think, reassess my needs, and save more money.

I think we will start looking again mid-July.

Yes, sometimes Life does work out in a way that is better then you planned.

I know there is the one house out there that is perfect for me the kid and the pup.

I need to relax, rethink, and reenergize.

House Hunting and Patience

looked at 3 houses today, liked the upstairs of one and the downstairs of the other, but overall, no, no, no.

why is it so hard to find the house for us.
i don't know if i have the patience for this.
i knew this could take time, but i'm wondering if we will find a house by the time my lease expires.

i look at 2 open houses tomorrow, got my fingers crossed.

i've already started to pack that is how i'm trying to be optimistic, but the house is now a mess and it is getting it to me.

who thought i'd be the neat type. i was a total slob as a child, teen, and young adult.
now i like order, cleanliness, and cleared counter tops.

the older i get the more i get like my mother.
i'm doomed!

Red, Redder, and Reddest of All

I am a natural blonde, in case you hadn't guessed that by all my blonde moments, but I do like to color my hair various shades of blonde and red. My hair was looking a very very dirty blonde and grays were showing themselves so I thought it was time to get some red hair color and make a change.

I picked light cherry auburn as my color.

I focused on the roots and the ends and went to do the middle. My hair is thick and long right now. I ran out of dye. There wasn't enough to fully coat the middle. I went ahead and finished. When it dried there was way too much blonde still in the center. It looked two tone in a very bad way. So I went up to the store to buy another box of it but they were out.

So I bought the next color closest too it, just auburn, MISTAKE!

My hair is a very dark red now with some lighter red mixed in. It is still very two toned and it looks bad. My kid is just get some blonde and dye it back. I asked her if she wanted all my hair to fall out! So I am stuck for at least a month with this red, redder, to reddest hair. I hate it.

The good news is the little kids in the apartment complex like it.

The reaction amongst the adults was more like what the hell did you do to your hair.
Hell is a nice way to phrase it, I tried to tell one guy my hair had always been this color and he just never paid attention it. He didn't buy that.

I think end of May we will be going honey to golden blonde and see what happens.

I do thank God that if even this fails, it is hair, and it does grow back, and I can just get it cut super short like Pink, into a pixie cut, and start over.

This is why I don't get piercings or tattoo's. If i mess those up they are permanent!

the search is on!

i apologize in advance for this blog...i am typing with one hand, because i'm coloring my hair cherry auburn and my other hand has a glove on it covered in hair dye.

but i'm too excited to share that i've gotten my pre-approval on a fha home loan and the house hunting process has begun.
i hope to spend may and june if needed searching and finding the perfect home sweet home for me, sophie the puggle,
and the kid!

any tips, do's, don'ts, cautionary advice? please share...

i have implemented our own sequester in the household.
no extras, save money, what i've learned the past 2 weeks since i did the $ crackdown,
is that my kid and i have very different ideas on what is an extra.
she thinks eating at subway everyday instead of chipolte is enough of an effort in cutting out extra spending.
yes, that does save money, but so does packing your lunch and pop and snacks.
she isn't getting it, so now she is cut off and she has to use her "little bitty" paycheck (her words)
to go out to eat, buy those 1.50 20oz pops at works and her dilly bar runs to dq.
plus keep on putting gas in her car...
she's 22, i can't stop her from plowing thru her money like a turbo charged john deer tractor,
but she is no longer taking my money with her!!!

Hippity Dippity Do

This trying to be healthy thing is going to kill me.
I eat more fiber my stomach swells up and i feel like i'm going to implode.
I cut back on sugar and carbs and i get freezing cold and shake all the time.
I do yoga to stretch out myself and improve circulation and posture and i injure my back and hip.

i've hurt my hip so much i know have snapping hip syndrome. no lie.
the doctor can even hear it when i move my knee up my chest, a loud POP!
And it hurts so bad I cry.

Xray was good, no stress fracture, no deformations, no tears.
There is just a lot of swelling and that is causing the pain.
Now i am winding down my steroid dosage and the pain is back as fierce as ever.
so now i have to make an appt. with the the bone doctor so i can get a shot straight into my hip.
sounds like some fun.

in the mean time, i'm supposed to be resting my hip.
how do you rest a hip i asked my regular doctor?
he said it is really hard but stay off my leg, don't get up and down a lot, and just rest it.
well today i took a walking tour with my kid at OSU, she's looking to transfer there to get a 4 year,
after she finishes her two year studies at Hocking Technical College.

needless to say my hip does NOT feel rested it feels like it is on fire!!!

so i'm 40 years old and i'm falling apart!
yup, falling apart!