In Sickness and Health

the baby making had a wee bit of a set back, he's sick.
his boys got a tummy virus and he caught it.
my poor man and his poor boys.
it's already hotter then hell outside and to be puking on top of that, no fun!
but i don't care if he's sick or healthy, he's all mine!

went to my nieces high school graduation on friday.
the same gym i graduated from 21 years ago, still no air conditioning.
i saw some people i hadn't seen since then.
suggested they raise money to add air conditioning to the gym before their next kid graduates.
unless the school thinks melting is a part of the ambiance of the ceremony.
which is possible, like a rite of passage for every graduating class to try and not get heat stroke.
warped way to think of it but it's a little town, it could be possible.
traditions are important where i come from!

this holiday weekend is all about keeping inside and keeping cool.
the kid's asthma is triggered on these hot days.
and my allergies are off the charts.
so we are both miserable.
i am purchasing a swimsuit online since my size requirements differ so.
i'm getting a 2 size larger top then bottom.
but i will be going to the pool this year.

i think i've gained 3 more pounds.
first i lost 4 pounds.
i can't stop eating ice cream.
it is the only thing that sounds good in this heat.
i think i'll cut up some strawberries today and eat them in the ice cream.
that's healthier right?

Summer Days Are Here

you can feel the hot breath of summer breathing upon your neck.
the temps are up.
the storms are frequent.
and the humidity is frizzing my hair!
this year i will brave the public swimming pool.
i haven't gone swimming at a public pool in over 8 years.
i'm a size 14!
i got some cute swim shorts and i've been searching for a top to keep the boobs in.
that is not an easy task, i'm still a 40DDD.

i might have to order online for it.
it'll be more expensive but hopefully it'll keep me from popping out.
the pools open this weekend.
i'm excited.
i think we will go saturday and sunday.
i'm on vacation right now so sitting by the pool sounds good to me.
i'll call saturday and get their hours.
i'll see if i can bring a cooler with water and snacks.
maybe i can get my friend and her daughter to go with us.

brent and i are trying for a baby again this month.
he's so busy.
i told him we have to be together every 2-3 days.
we were together yesterday.
it had been 12 days since we had sex.
it was amazing as always.
now we have to be together saturday then monday or tuesday.
and he wants it to be natural.
he wants no ovulation prediction kits, no fertility drugs, all natural.

i read on line that a bmi 30 and under is good for fertility.
i'm 16 pounds away from reaching that.
so i'm amping up my weight loss efforts.
i'm eating healthier and walking more.
of course, i have to wait until 8pm to walk cuz it is so hot,
but this is worth it!
a baby, with a man that actually loves me and wants me to have his child.
yes, this is different!

i love summer!

Blessed

i feel so blessed these past two months because he came into my life.
i never thought i could love so deeply and completely.
he loves me and respects me and trusts me.
it is so satisfying to be giving my love to a man that appreciates me.
all my past hardships and heartache are a lesson learned so i can love him better.

he is amazing.
he is full of energy.
he is full of life.
he is my happy thought.

i know it's silly and girlish to giggle when i think about him,
but i feel high on this love we have.
i'm blessed to have him.
i'm blessed to love him.
i'm blessed to be in his life.

i remember what it was like before him, i was sad.
i was lonely.
i was depressed.
i was being used.
i was letting myself be used.

now i'm in a good relationship.
we are balanced with each other.
i can't wait to meet his boys.
i can't wait to have his baby.
life is so good right now!

of course, i wonder if he's too good to be true.
he wonders the exact same thing about me.
i'm trying to forget about fear and doubt,
i opened my heart to him and we are right together.
my puzzle is completed.
my love is being returned.

the other day i helped him sort receipts at his work.
i helped him and took a small task so he could do other things.
we laughed. we talked. we enjoyed being in each other's company.
there was no time for sex.
we shared a few kisses.
and i felt happy, so happy, just to be near him.

he's become my best friend and i love him!

The Turning Point

yesterday was a turning point for he and i.
he came over and just held me and we talked.
we didn't have sex of any kind and i was completely naked!
he told me about his life and what was stressing him out.
he kissed me gently on the lips.
he told me about his boys and what's going on with them.
he told me that i'm a light in his life.

he only stayed 20 minutes. our time is always too short.
but he loves me and he knows i needed to touch him.
i needed to smell him.
i needed to taste him.
all my senses honed into him.
my body quivered at his touch.
he loves how my body responds to him automatically.

it was lovely.
it was romantic.
it was sweet.

maybe i'll get to see him today maybe i won't.
he wanted to make a point yesterday to me.
he told me he wanted me to know that this just isn't sex for him,
that he loves me and wants to be with me all the time.
even though right now he can't be with me more,
he wanted to remind me how much he wishes he could be.

i'm so in love with him.
even though i'm not pregnant now i know with him i will be.
we are building a bond and foundation that can last the test of time.
i've never been in love like this before.
i love him and he loves me back!
i just can't get over that and how amazing it is!

The First Full Exchange

Last night we exchanged I love you's for the very first time.
There were no i'm falling for you's just straight I love you's.
I told him you know I have fallen head over heels in love with you.
He said I love what an amazing person you are.
I love what a great cock sucker you are.
Oh, hell, who am I kidding, I love you!
Finally he admits what I already knew in my heart to be true, we are in love.

50 days, 7 weeks of passion and falling in love!

I have never felt this in love ever before.
My neighbors say I'm glowing and bouncing around.
I smile all the time.
Every day is just sunshine and happiness.

The pregnancy test was negative and I didn't get depressed over it.
I was a little disappointed but I shook it right off,
because my head whispered we still have him!
He's what is important.
This bond and relationship is what is important.


Before I didn't care who the father of my child was as long as I had the child.
Now I can't imagine any other man being the father of my baby.
If we're to ever break up I'd stop trying.
He is perfection to me.
He's insecure sometimes which is cute.
He says when I leave him... I laugh.
It'll be the other way around.
It'll be ten years from now and he'll dump me for a younger model.
We both laugh.

He brings out the very best in me.
I want to make him happy.
He wants to make me happy.
He loves and respects me.

Wow, this is the real deal!

I had given up.
And now I have my reward for all the past suffering I've done in relationships gone wrong.
I finally have a man who loves me back as much as I love him!!!!!

Thank you God!!!!

New Horizons

life is so good right now.
i am happy and content.
he's so perfect for me.
i get so excited when i see him i jump up and run to him.
i've never been like this with a man.

i've always held something back.
or i found a flaw i used to throw back at them.
he's awakened a renewed since of hope in me.
i feel an urgency to show him my love.
i don't hide how i feel.
i don't try to manipulate him.

he feels like home.

this is a new horizon for me.
these experiences he brings to me are energizing me in a way i've not known before.
this is how being in love should be.
i want to lift him up not tear him down.
he wants me to feel sexy and loved.
he doesn't point out my flaws and make me feel small.

he's truly a gentleman.
he shows me respect.
that's what i had been missing with the others.
i'd throw in my line for their love and they'd nibble but never bite.
for the first time, i feel like this is right!

i'm not scared.
i'm not full of doubt.
my friend and others are like this is too fast.
you need to slow it down.
but why?

we want to be together.
isn't that what love means, two people that want to spend time together.
two people that want to please each other.
two people that support one another.

i finally got a man i can see spending the rest of my life with
and i'm in this all the way!